Kotero, sitepe yotsatira pa njira yakuchiritsira ku matenda owopsya - chikondi - ndiko kufufuza mosamalitsa zonse zosungira ndi zophatikizapo za chikondi. Dzifunseni nokha funso losavuta: chikondi chingakupatseni chiyani? Mukudziwa kuti m'nthaŵi yochepa ya chisangalalo, chimwemwe chimayambitsa kupanikizika, kukhumudwa. Pambuyo pa kuphulika kwa malingaliro ndi kumverera, pakubwera vuto lalikulu, makangano, mikangano, kusamvana kumodzi. Ngakhale ngati inu ndi osankhidwa anu mukuyesera kuti muzichita molondola, zoyenera, koma izo zikwanira kokha kwa kanthawi kochepa, ndiyeno zofanana zonsezo zidzafika nthawi zosasangalatsa ndi maganizo omwe angawononge moyo wanu. Ndichiyaninso chomwe chikondi chingapereke? Chikondi ndi msampha wodzipereka umene aliyense wa ife amasiya ufulu wake. Izi ndizo ukapolo wodzipereka. Nanga bwanji za ulemu wanu? Kumbukirani kuti chikondi chidzatenga zabwino kuchokera kwa inu: nthawi yanu, mphamvu zanu, malingaliro anu, mutha kutaya anzanu, ufulu wochita, ufulu wa kuganiza. Chikondi chimatenga nthawi, ndalama, ndi mphamvu kuchokera kwa inu. Ndipo kodi icho chidzachoka? Zomwe ndikukumbukira, zomwe zingakhale zosangalatsa kwambiri. Kumbukirani, ndi milandu ingati yopanda nzeru komanso yotentha yomwe imapangidwa pachaka chifukwa cha chikondi? Anthu omwe anali m'chikondi, adamva zowawa zawo, amayamba kudedwa ndi anthu onse, anayamba kuona kuti ena ndi achilendo. Ndipo pambuyo pa izi zonse, kodi chikondi chimawonekabe ngati iwe wokondweretsa wokongola? Kotero, momwe angachiritse ku matenda owopsya - chikondi?
Lope de Vega.
Kotero, njira yoyamba yakuchiritsira ku matenda owopsya - chikondi choperekedwa ndi wolemba Lope De Vega. Iye anati: "Ngati mumakonda kwambiri amayi, yang'anani zovuta mumakono." Mawuwa amamveka m'mabuku ambiri odzipereka ku chikondi, kuphatikizapo mu filimu yotchuka kwambiri yotchedwa "The Dog in the Manger". Kotero ndi motani kugwiritsa ntchito njirayi kuti abwerere ku matenda owopsa - chikondi. Ngati zikuwoneka kuti iwe umayamba kukondana, ndiye kufunafuna mofulumira zolakwa mu chinthu cha chikondi chako. Kawirikawiri, ganizirani za zofooka za anthu, kuti musasokonezeke mumagulu a malingaliro oipa. Kodi wosankhidwa wanu ali ndi vuto laling'ono? Nanga bwanji ngati muyang'ana kuchokera kumbali ina? Thupi, limatanthawuza, njondayo ndi yowonongeka, sichisamala yekha, imachotsedwa ndi mafuta enieni. Osankhidwa anu sakudziwa kuphika? O, mantha! Mudzaweruzidwa kuyima pa chitofu moyo wanu wonse, ndipo iye sangathe kuphika ngakhale mazira owuma. Kapena ngakhale ayesa, mudzadya mbatata zophika komanso zophikira. Mbali yapamwamba imalingaliridwa ngati mutha kuletsa ulemu wa munthu kukhala zolakwika. Kotero, wosankhidwa wanu ndi wokondedwa kwambiri? Wowona, nanga akuphunzitsa kwinakwake? Nthawi zambiri mumagwiritsa ntchito njira zoterezi, mofulumira mudzatha kumvetsa momwe mungapezere matenda oopsa - chikondi.
Pasteur.
Wasayansi wodziwika wa ku France, yemwe adayambitsa njira yopangira mkaka, nayenso anabwera ndi njira yabwino yothetsera chikondi. Mfundoyi ndi yosavuta, monga momwe amachitira padera. Choncho, pofuna kuteteza matendawa, muyenera kufalitsa kachilombo kochepa m'thupi la munthu, kenako pang'onopang'ono kukhala ndi chitetezo, ndipo palibe matenda omwe simudzawopsyeza. Izi zikutanthauza kuti ndi nthawi yokhala ndi chitetezo chokhazikika cha chikondi. Motani? Ndi zophweka kwambiri. Sankhani chinthu chokondweretsa, chigwirizane nacho, ngakhale kuyamba kumanga ubale, koma posakhalitsa kuponyera chinthu. Opaleshoniyi imamangidwa kangapo, choncho, msinkhu wa "chikondi chokhudzana ndi chitetezo" m'thupi lanu chidzafika pamwambamwamba, ndipo simudzakhala ndi mantha kuti matenda a chikondi angakufikeni. Kumbukirani kuti muzitsulo zing'onozing'ono, chikondi chenicheni chidzakhala machiritso anu kuchokera ku matenda oopsa a chikondi, koma ndi bwino kuwerengera momwe mudzatengedwenso kachiwiri. Mwachibadwa, kusakhala ndi chibwenzi chilichonse kungayambitse mavuto. Choncho, talingaliranso njira imodzi yothetsera matenda oopsa - chikondi.
De-romanticization.
Tonse timadziwa kuti anthu amayamba kukonda, chikondi ndi chikondi. Amakonda kukonda chikondi, ndicho chifukwa chopinga chilichonse chimene chimachitika mu njira yawo chimawapangitsa iwo kukhala magwero a zochitika zenizeni ndi zisoni. Ngati muli a chikhalidwe choterechi, ndiye njira yothetsa matenda oopsa a chikondi, monga de-romanticization, ndiko kwa inu. Nchiyani chomwe chikufunikira pa izi? Ndi zophweka kwambiri. Ngati munthu wokondana amalephera kuganiza za chikondi cha dziko lonse lapansi, za chikondi, za momwe akumvera, momwe chikondi ndi chirichonse chomwe chikukhudzana ndi icho chidzadutsa paokha. Zabwino pazinthu izi, nkhani zokonda ndizoyenera. Kuperewera kwa luso lawo kumatha kuthetsa chikondi ndi malingaliro a pinki za aliyense. Zabwino kwambiri zimathandiza kulankhula ndi munthu amene samakhulupirira chikondi. Mungapeze anthu otere kulikonse. Mwamwayi, pali zambiri zambiri pa intaneti. Pali magulu apadera, midzi, maofesi ndi mawebusaiti operekedwa kwa anthu omwe sakhulupirira mu chikondi. Zokongola ngati zikhoza kuoneka, koma ndi chithandizo cha anthu otere omwe angathe kugwira ntchito yovuta pa chikhumbo chanu chochotsa kumverera kwakukulu - chikondi. Sanamuthandize? Musati mukhumudwitse, ngati mutapeweratu kumverera kotero, muyenera kupeza ntchito pamalo osakhala achikondi. Mwachitsanzo, katundu wambiri, namwino, wopanga zovala, mayi woyeretsa. Ndikwanira kugwira ntchito yokha mwezi umodzi kuntchito yoteroyo, chifukwa chikondi chanu chonse chidzatha. Kotero, momwe angapezere matenda oopsa - chikondi - ntchito!
Kuchulukitsa.
Kotero, ngakhale mutagwiritsidwa ntchito, kodi mukugonjetsedwa ndi chikondi chachikulu? Chabwino, ndiye tipitilira njira zowonjezera, momwe tingapezere matenda oopsa - chikondi. Ngati mumakhulupirirabe kuti chikondi chilipo, kuti mutha kusunga ubale wanu, ndiye kuti musamadzipusitse! Kodi mukuganiza kuti zonse zidzakhala zosiyana, m'njira yatsopano? Chilichonse chidzasintha? Ayi! Ndipo mumaganiza kuti tsiku lililonse tsiku limodzi ndi lofanana kwambiri ndi lomwe lapitalo, kuti sipadzakhala chilichonse chatsopano mu ubale wanu. Kuti simudzakhala ndi chilichonse chokambirana ndi mnzanu, kuti simudzaseka, monga kale. Mukhoza kukambirana zinthu zopanda pake, monga nyengo, bizinesi kuntchito, nkhani za ana. Koma, palibe chatsopano! Kuonjezera apo, pang'onopang'ono, mnzanuyo, mumayamba kuona zinthu zochepa, zomwe poyamba sizinalipo, kapena simunadziwe. Ndipo, amayamba kukukwiyitsani kwambiri mpaka simungathe kuyang'ana popanda mkwiyo ndi mkwiyo. Kuyankhulana tsiku ndi tsiku ndi munthu yemweyo, moyo wokhudzana nawo pang'ono pang'onopang'ono umachotsa kumverera kwa chikondi, mpaka palibe malo opanda kanthu omwe amusiyidwa. Nanga chikondi chimapangitsa kuti chikhale chiyanjano chotere? Kugwetsa, kukhala wopanda pake, kukhumudwa ndi kuyankhulana ndi mkwiyo. Ndipo ngati pali kumvetsetsa, kulemekeza, ndiye kuti palibe chilichonse choyenera kukambirana. Nanga ndi chiyani chomwe chidzatsala? Kukambirana za mavuto a m'banja ndi a zachuma. Kodi mukufuna? Choyamba, yikani zofunikira pamoyo wanu, mwinamwake, ndiye kuti simungayambe kukondana. Kotero momwe angachiritsidwe matenda oopsya - chikondi? Yambitsani moyo wanu patsogolo.
Njira yoyenera ya moyo.
Pamene ubongo wathu suchita kanthu, sizosadabwitsa kuti zopanda pake zamitundu yonse zimadza pamutu pathu. Ganiziraninso njira yako ya moyo. Ngati muli ndi nthawi yochuluka, chitani chinachake, panthawi yomwe mutu wanu udzakhala wotanganidwa. Ndipo ngati mukugwira ntchito yogwira ntchito, nthawi yomwe mutu wanu nthawizonse umatanganidwa kuthetsa mavuto alionse, ndiye kuti simudzakhala ndi nthawi yokondana ndi wina, amasangalala kuimba mbalame, kusangalala ndi dzuwa. Siyani maphunziro opusa awa kwa ana aang'ono. Ndiwe wamkulu! Choncho muzichita mogwirizana. Musapereke kwa iwo omwe amapeza tanthauzo la miyoyo yawo ndi ntchito zopusa. Kulankhulana kwawo kuli ngati zilakolako za zidakwa ndi mankhwala osokoneza bongo kuti zivomereze zolumikizana zawo, kuti dziko lonse lidalira. Khalani otsutsana ndi mitundu yonse ya zinthu zachikondi ndi zowawa. Musagwirizane ndi mawu monga: "popanda chikondi palibe moyo," "mtima sudzalamulira." Mudzayitanitsa, komanso momwe mungathere! Ndinu mwini wa thupi lanu, kuphatikizapo mtima wanu. Musayende njira yopanda moyo, imatsogolere kufooka komanso kusaganizira.
Sigmund Freud.
Pofuna kuchiritsidwa ku matenda owopsa - chikondi, mungagwiritse ntchito njira ya asayansi wotchuka Freud. Psychology yake imachokera kuchitidwe cha njira ya sublimation. Pa mtima wa chikhalidwe cha munthu ndi chilakolako cha kugonana. Chilichonse chimene munthu amachita ndicholinga chokhutiritsa zosowa zake zogonana. Podziwa izi, tikhoza kutsogolera chilakolako chathu ndi mphamvu zathu ku njira yamtendere, mwachitsanzo, mukhoza kuyamba kujambula, kupanga, kulemba, kupanga nyimbo zoimba. Tengani kulengedwa kwa mbambande! Zilibe kanthu kaya ndi dera liti, ndikofunika kuti mutanganidwa ndi ntchito yolenga, ndipo simungasokonezedwe ndi zamkhutu zilizonse monga kugwa m'chikondi. Phunzirani kuimba sewero kapena kujambula zithunzi. N'kutheka kuti mwabisa matalente, ndi nthawi yoti muwonetsere ndikuwulula. Ndi chithandizo cha kujambula, nyimbo ndi kuvina mungathe kufotokoza chikondi chanu ndi chikondi, koma musagwere mumsampha wachikondi.
Zeigarnik.
Ndi ndani uyu, mukufunsa? Wolemba zamaganizo a ku Russia Blum Zeygarnik anachita phunziro limodzi lofunika kwambiri. Anthu 20 anali atatsekedwa m'chipinda chimodzi, asanayambe kukhala ndi matebulo ambiri ndi ntchito. Sungani boti kuchokera mabokosi, muwerenge chiwerengero cha masewero, musonkhanitse zithunzi, pangani vuto ndi zina zambiri. Nkhanizo sizinaloledwe kukwaniritsa ntchito yawo ndipo adafunsidwa kuti apite ku yotsatira. Pamapeto pa kuyesedwa, anthu adafunsidwa kuti ndizochita ziti zomwe amakumbukira kwambiri. Onse adayankha mwa njira yomwe zinawonekera kwa asayansi kuti ubongo wathu umakumbukira zokhazo zomwe sitinatsirize. Zimakhalanso ndi chikondi. Ngati sitinaloledwe kukwaniritsa chiyanjanochi, ndizotheka kuti tidzakhala ndi vutoli kwa moyo wathu wonse. Maganizo athu nthawi zonse adzabwerera kwa munthuyu, adzalandira zochitika zanu zonse. Kawirikawiri, limakhala lingaliro lopambanitsa, lomwe limangolepheretsa kukhala ndi moyo. Koma, pali njira yotulukira. Ndikofunika kuchotsa chikondi chako kamodzi. Kuti muchite izi, mukusowa thandizo la katswiri wa zamaganizo, mtsikana kapena galasi. Ndikofunika kunena chirichonse, zonse zomwe zinali, kuti muyesenso kachiwiri, lekani kudzidzudzula nokha kapena mnzanuyo kuti muthetse. Kutsirizitsa ubale umenewu m'mutu mwanga. Lekani kupita kwa munthuyo. Mukatulutsa kunja maganizo, mumakhala bwino. Lekani kupita kumbuyo, khalani panopa!