Mwinamwake, nthawi zina mumakumana ndi anthu omwe amangokhalira kudandaula za mavuto awo, amati, iwo sanachite kanthu, kapena ayi, anachita zomwe sanachite ndipo samafuna kuti apitirize kulankhulana ndi munthu woteroyo. Ndi chinthu chimodzi pamene mumamvetsera madandaulo a mnzanu kuntchito ndipo ndikumvetseranso chisoni chomwe simukumudziwa, mwachitsanzo, nthawi zina. Pachiyambi choyamba, mukukakamizidwa, mwachiwiri, munthu wina aliyense yemwe alibe zolakwika mu psyche, amayesa kuletsa kulankhulana mwamsanga. Kotero, inu simunaganize, koma bwanji inu mukufuna kuti musamamvere madandaulo a anthu ena?
Kusiya mavuto ndi mavuto ena a anthu ena alibe chidwi ndipo nthawi zambiri ngati pali mavuto, ndiye kuti akuyenera kuthandizidwa. Munthu ndi wosula mmoyo wake ndipo ngati pali mafunso, muyenera kudzikonza nokha, chifukwa palibe amene angamuthandize munthu kuposa iyeyo. Ngati nthawi zonse mukupukuta mavuto anu, izi zikuwongolera kuti zowonongeka zimapezekanso ndipo pamapeto pake amakhala pansi pambali ya matenda.
Ngati simukufuna kuti muwachitire, chitani matenda amtsogolo m "malingaliro, kutanthauza kuti musayambe kuganiza za zinthu zomwe simungathe kuzikonza. Kuti muchotse vutolo mwa inu nokha, pamene simukutha kuthetsa chifukwa chomwe chavuta, mukhoza kungoyankhula, kaya ndi chibwenzi, mlendo kapena makoma okha. Njira yotereyi (yosagwira ntchito) ya mpumulo wa panthawi yachisokonezo chauzimu ndi yopindulitsa kwa munthu payekha, koma vuto lidalibe vuto, pamene munthu amene mwamupatsa mavuto ake ali ndi malingaliro okhudza inu omwe nthawi zonse adzapangidwe, kaya akufuna kapena ayi.
Kusakhutitsidwa ndiwekha ndi moyo kungayambitse munthu kuti asazindikire chenichenicho, ayamba kuwononga moyo wawo ndi ena, ndipo nthawi yomwe ingagwiritsidwe ntchito kuthetsa vuto linalake ikuwonongeka. Ngati muwona kuti munthu amene mwaganiza kuti alankhule naye akuyesera kuti achoke pazokambirana ndipo ali ndi nkhope yosakhutira, zikutanthauza kuti mukuchita chinachake cholakwika ndipo tsopano funso likubwera ngati kuli koyenera kuyambitsa zokambirana.
Inde, pangakhale zifukwa zambiri za munthu wosakhutira, koma wina sayenera kukhala wodzikonda ndikuyankhula nthawi zonse za chisoni chake, chifukwa munthu wamba amene amamvetsera chisoni amayamba kunjenjemera, ndipo nthawi zambiri adzataya chidwi ndikudziteteza kupewa pazifukwa zina. Anthu amakonda kumva zambiri zowonjezera, ndipo sichikunyoza, komatu kuti mukamvetsera uthenga wabwino, zimakhala bwino kwambiri, ndipo ndizovuta kulankhula ndi munthu yemwe ali wabwino kwambiri kuposa whiner.
Pamapeto pake, anthu ena amayesa kuti adzichepetse okha mwa kulankhula za vuto, koma osathetsa, pamene ena, mosiyana, amachita ndi kuchotsa, zimakhala kuti zokambirana zimangokhala zopanda kanthu, zimangokhala zokhumudwitsa kwa kanthawi ndipo sizikuthandizani zambiri, kotero "kuyankhula vuto" si njira yothetsera izo ndipo si zoona.
Kotero, kodi mumapeza bwanji njira yanu yothetsera vutolo nthawi yayitali?
Tsoka, koma palibe zosankha zapadziko lonse, chifukwa mndandanda uliwonse uli wokha, koma pali chidwi chokhazikika cha zochita, kumvetsera zomwe, mukhoza kudzibweretsa pafupi ndi cholinga.
Chinthu choyamba chimene muyenera kuchita ndi kudzilemba nokha m'maganizo mwanu kapena kulembera pamapepala njira zambiri zothetsera vutoli.
Kenaka, sankhani nthawi (yotalika ndi yosachepera) yomwe mukuganiza kuti idzapita kuti athetse vutoli, monga akunena, ikani nthawi, chabwino, yesetsani kuziyang'anira.
Ngati simungathe kuthetsa vutoli, yesetsani kupeza njira zothetsera vutoli, ngati zithetsedweratu, ndiye zotsatira zake, mutayesa, koma ngati mutadzipeza nokha ndikupeza yankho labwino, mutha kukhala chete, pali zotsatira.
Kotero, vuto lanu lakhalapo kale ndipo mumayamba kugwiritsa ntchito nthawi yanu ndi thanzi lanu poganizira za mtundu uwu: "Zikanakhala bwanji ngati ..." ndi zina zotero. Ndikofunika kuimitsa, chifukwa kudzikonda koteroko kudzakhala kopanda pake, mbiri yakale kale, munthu ayenera kuganizira zam'tsogolo ndi kuchita. Tengani ntchito zakuthupi, izo zimakulepheretsani inu, ndi kubweretsa zotsatira zake, chabwino, pamapeto, zidzakondwera.
Phunzirani kudziwona nokha kuchokera kunja, ndikukhala ndi khalidwe lapamwamba la kudziletsa, chifukwa pokhapokha mukusiya kukumba m'mbuyomo ndi kuganizira zolakwika. Moyo wamoyo susowa kuti uwonongeke pa kuganizira zomwe zingachitike ngati, zowonongeka kwambiri. Muyenera kugwirizanitsa ndi zabwino, ngakhale zoipa sizikutuluka pamutu mwanu, pangani chinthu chabwino chodzizungulira nokha kuti chikhale chofunika kwambiri pamaganizo anu. Kuti musadziwononge nokha kuchokera mkati, khalani ndi maganizo abwino, chifukwa muyenera kukhala ndi chidziwitso cha kudzipulumutsa. Chikhalidwe cha munthu chimadalira pa izo, kotero muyenera kulingalira pa zabwino.
Mutha kusintha maganizo anu, chabwino, nanga bwanji ngati anthu omwe ali ndi vuto sakukulangani? Inde, pali zochitika pamene zolakwika sizithawa, koma ngati mukuphunzira kukhala ndi moyo wabwino (ngati sulikuphunzitsidwa kuyambira ubwana), mukhoza kuchepetsa zolakwika zomwe mumapeza poyankhula naye.
Anthu omwe amaganiza za zoipa akhalapo nthawi zonse ndipo adzakhalapo, ndiwopereka thandizo ndipo ayenera kuchiritsidwa mwakachetechete (ngati, ndithudi, pali mphamvu zokwanira kuti mumvetsere nthawi zina) ndipo musiyeni zonsezi zikhale ndi makutu. Kuganiza moyenera, muyenera kugwira ntchito mwakhama komanso mwakhama pamtima komanso pamtima, ndipo nthawi zambiri mumakhala waulesi.
Zosokoneza ndi zopanda phindu, ndizowononga ndi zowonongeka, kotero muyenera kuzidutsa. Ngati simungathe kumvetsera omvera anu olakwika, khalani ndi nthawi yokhala ndi mwayi woyankhulana ndi iwo ndipo mumamvetsetse kuti mumakhudzidwa kwambiri ndi nkhani zina zokambirana.
Kupereka kwa interlocutor malingaliro pa msinkhu wosadziwika, malingaliro oipawo akuwonetseredwa mu moyo weniweni ndipo ndi chifukwa cholephera. Ngati mukufuna kuthandizira otsogolera, fotokozerani njira zothetsera vutoli ndipo ngati asanyalanyaza zomwe mumalonjeza, ingotanthauzira zokambiranazo kuti zithetse vutoli, chifukwa zikuwonekeratu kuti munthuyo sakufuna kuthetsa vutoli, koma akungofuna kudandaula ndikudziletsa yekha, timadziwa kuti kukambirana kotere sikungathandize.
Kotero, tikuganiza kuti tisiye kulingalira za zolakwika zomwe mukusowa: Nthawi zonse muzidziyesa nokha, pamene mukuyesera kuganizira mofatsa pa zosatheka, ganizirani zabwino.
Pa zovuta pamoyo wanu, simukuyenera kuikapo chidwi kwambiri ndikuyesera kuiwala zonsezi mofulumira, pamene mumvetsetsa kuti kulingalira za zoipa, mukhoza kuvulaza thupi lanu. Makhalidwe abwino a moyo ndiwothandizira moyo wokhutira. Ngati pali vuto, muyenera kuzilandira momveka bwino komanso mofulumira ngati mukulidziwa ndikumvetsetsa, konzekerani ndondomeko yowonongeka, yambani kukhazikitsidwa kwake, osakumbukira kuti mumathera maola awiri pa tsiku mu mpweya wabwino, komanso muzisonyeza zomwe mumachita tsiku ndi tsiku , yambani kuchita masewero olimbitsa thupi kapena zochitika zina zilizonse zakuthupi. Yesetsani kudziletsa nokha pa zolakwika ndipo mulimonsemo musaziganizire.
Koma anthu omwe amaganiza molakwika, mukufuna kuti muyandikire aliyense, muyenera kuvomereza kukhalapo kwawo, kumvetsetsa kuti ambiri a iwo sangathe kuchita chirichonse kuti apititse patsogolo maganizo awo ndi maganizo awo, chifukwa ntchitoyi ndi yovuta. Amakonda kukambirana za mavuto, koma osazikonza. Inu mukulankhulana ndi anthu oterowo mukufunikira mwanjira inayake kuyesa kuchititsa zokambiranazo kukhala njira yabwino kapena kusintha kwambiri mutu wa zokambiranazo. Musaganize ndi zomwe akunenazo ndikuyesera kuti musamvetse zonse zomwe mwamva, koma musamangoganizira kwambiri. Mungathe kupereka yankho lanu ku vuto la munthu wosokoneza maganizo, pomwe mukugwiritsa ntchito malo osokoneza bongo, mwachitsanzo, mnzanuyo anali ndi vutoli ndipo adaganiza motere, koma ngati samvera maganizo anu, ndiye kuti muyese kuyesetsa kuthandiza Sinthani zokambiranazo ku mutu wina. Mphamvu zolakwika zomwe zimachokera kwa interlocutor, mulimonsemo, sizothandiza kwa inu ndi zolakwika zomwe zingayambitse matenda, choncho yesetsani kudziletsa kuntchito, ndipo musayese kuganiza za inu nokha.