Zonsezi palimodzi zimawonjezeredwa ndi kuzizira kwa kugonana. Ndipo amuna ali ndi mantha kwambiri, amafunika kuzindikira kuti kugonana kwasokonekera.
Okwatirana nthawi zambiri amanena muzochitika zotero kuti ataya zachilendo mu ubalewu. Anthu ambiri amaganiza kuti izi ndi mapeto a banja ndi banja, pambuyo pake, sikutheka kubwezeretsa maubwenzi. Ndipotu, musachite mantha ndipo mupange kayendedwe kadzidzidzi. Monga momwe simuyenera kunyalanyaza vuto ili. Ngati mukuganiza zoyenera kuchita, pamene zachilendo mu ubale zikutha, muyenera kumvetsetsa mafunso ena ofunikira.
Ndikofunika kumvetsetsa kuti kukondana kwa wina ndi mzake mu banjali nthawi zambiri kumakhala ndi kukhudzidwa kapena kukhudzidwa ndi chiwerewere. Mwachidule, mumasiya kukondana, ndipo kugonana komweku kumayamba kugwirizana ndi ntchito yovuta kapena ntchito yovuta. Cholakwika cholakwika cha okwatirana pazochitikazi ndi chikhumbo chosiyana moyo wokhudzana ndi kugonana pogwiritsa ntchito mayesero pabedi. Choipa kwambiri, ngati wina akugwirizanitsa ndi zovutazi - wokondedwa kapena mbuye.
Yankho loyenera ndi lothandiza lachikhalidwe pamene chikhalidwe cha ubale chimatha, kawirikawiri chimatsutsana ndi lingaliro lodziwika bwino. Zimaphatikizapo kuti kuti tithetse vutoli la kuziziritsa pogonana, tiyenera kuchoka kumbali yina. Ndikofunika kuti musayesedwe ndi mitundu yatsopano yogonana ndi mnzanu wokhumudwa, koma kufunafuna ndi kuthetsa mavuto apamwamba: maganizo, auzimu, maganizo, makhalidwe kapena mavuto okhudzana ndi mikangano yonse.
Mavuto amenewa ali, monga lamulo, palokha. Amadzikweza ngati ndondomeko yowonongeka pa chivomezi chosavulazidwa. Koma zenizeni iwo sakhala ofanana mofanana m'mabanja osiyanasiyana.
Kukwiya kochulukira, komwe kaŵirikaŵiri kumayambitsa kusungulumwa m'banja, kungabwere chifukwa cha zochitika zingapo. M'nthawi yathu ino, udindo wa amayi m'dera ndiwowonjezera chifukwa cha vutoli. Ngati mkazi mwadzidzidzi ali ndi udindo wapamwamba kusiyana ndi munthu, zimamupangitsa kumuwonetsa ulamuliro komanso kunyumba. Amuna ambiri ali ndi chidwi kwambiri ndi kuchitapo kanthu ndipo amawakhudza kwambiri. Ndipo ngati munthu akufuna kupeŵa mikangano, kusamvana ndi kugonana, amadzikakamiza mwaukali izi, zomwe zimakhala chifukwa chozizira kwa mkazi wake. M'malo motaya mkwiyo, mwamunayo amayamba kupeŵa kukambirana ndi mkazi wake. Pali zovuta pamene mkazi ayesa kunyenga mwamuna wake, ndipo amalandira kukana. Ichi ndi chokhumudwitsa kwambiri komanso chosakondweretsa kuti ubale ukhale wabwino m'banja. Kotero ngati mukuganiza zoyenera kuchita, pamene zachilendo mu ubale zikutha, choyamba, ganizirani za udindo wa mkazi m'banja. Sitiyenera kukhala kutsogolera popanda zinthu zakuthupi. Ndipo ngati mkazi sagwiritsidwe ntchito kuti azitsogoleredwa, ayenera kulingalira za kugawana nawo mbali ndi kutsogolera nkhani zosiyanasiyana zomwe sizikuphatikizana.
Kawirikawiri, kutayika kwa mphamvu ndi mwamuna m'banja kumabweretsa chitukuko chobisa mphamvu. Zingatenge mawonekedwe ndi zooneka bwino, koma nthawi zambiri zimachitika mwachiwonetsero chachete kapena kusanyalanyaza zopempha ndi ndemanga za mkazi wake. Izi zimachepetsanso maziko a chiyanjano komanso zimachepetsa kuchepetsa kugonana.
Mavuto awa ndi kugawidwa molakwika kwa maudindo m'banja amangooneka ovuta. Ndipotu, pamlingo wamalingaliro, mkazi aliyense amatha kusintha khalidwe lake labwino ndi laling'ono ndi lachikazi. Ndipo nthawi zina izi ndizo zingayambitse kuyanjana kwa msinkhu watsopano, zimalimbikitsa chikhalidwe komanso zimayambitsa "chisangalalo" chatsopano.
Pali zifukwa zazikulu zowonongeka maganizo. Izi zikuphatikizapo, mwachitsanzo, kusagwirizana kusamvana ndi makolo a wina wa okwatirana. Pa ubale wa okwatirana, zitsanzo za mabanja a makolo a onse awiri zimakhala ndi ntchito yofunikira. Ngati mwamuna kapena mkazi ali ndi mkangano wosagwirizana ndi amayi kapena abambo, amatha kusamutsidwa kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wake ndipo amachititsa kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wake asamangokhalira kulakwa. Amangogwirizana ndi kholo loipa, ndipo palibe mavuto enieni. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mkazi anakulira m'banja la mwamuna wosakhulupirika, akhoza kukhala wansanje kwambiri, kumangogwira mwamuna wake mopanda malire. Ndipo ngati mwamuna sakufuna kugula, zimangomukwiyitsa komanso zimayambitsa mikangano yoonekera kapena yosabisika ya banja.
Zirizonse zomwe zinali, muzochitika zonse, pamene zachilendo mu ubale zitheka, ndizofunikira koyamba kufunafuna zifukwa zowonekera, ndipo nthawi zambiri zimabisika, mikangano ya m'banja. Kugwira ntchito ndi mikanganoyi ndichinsinsi chanu chachikulu mwachisangalalo, ngati mukufuna kusunga banja.