Ndi chiyani "instillation" - choncho Eric Berne adatcha kugonana komweku, komwe kumabweretsa kugonana? Pali malingaliro ambiri pa zomwe zimakondweretsa abambo ndi amai, ndipo m'modzi mwa iwo pali choonadi.
Mwachitsanzo: "Mzimayi amakonda makutu, ndipo mwamuna-ndi maso ake." Kodi kupenya kwa wamaliseche sikutenga akazi?
Koma potsata mfundo zonsezi palinso kusiyana kwake, kotero Berne anati:
"Alipo amuna omwe" abzalidwa "kudzera m'chifuwa chachikazi, ndi amuna omwe" anabzala ", akuyang'ana miyendo yaikazi. Aliyense ali ndi zofuna zawo, ndipo zina mwazimene zili zoyenera zingakhale zokwanira kuwona "chibadwa".
Kaŵirikaŵiri zimadalira zomwe mayi amawoneka kwa amayi ake ali ndi zaka zingapo: kaya ali ndi zaka 4, pamene anayamba kuyamba chidwi ndi mawonekedwe a amayi osiyanasiyana ndipo anaganiza kuti adzakwatiwa ndi mtundu uti wa mkazi; kapena zaka 12-14, pamene adamva kutengeka koyamba kwa kugonana kwa akuluakulu "
Ndipo pankhaniyi, kachiwiri, tikukumana ndi mfundo yakuti chochitikacho, chokhazikika muunyamata, chimakhudza kwambiri tsogolo la munthu. Ndipo mwadzidzidzi gawo ili silikugwirizana ndi inu, kotero mungachite chiyani, munthu adzalangidwa?
Ayi! Pali mwayi wotsogolera zambiri pazochitika zanu, ndipo izi zingathandize katswiri wa zamaganizo.
Inde, kugonana kumakhudza ubale wonse wa anthu. Koma Bern analemba mophiphiritsira ponena za kugonana: "Iwe ungasangalale ndi kugonana nokha, onse nokha komanso pagulu. Kugonana kungakhale chiwonetsero cha ubale wauzimu kapena kuyesa kuthetsa mavuto, ntchito kapena chilakolako, kapena ngakhale njira yokhala ndi nthawi yokha kuchepetsa kuyamba kwa tsiku lakuda la phokoso. Pambuyo pake, kudzipweteka - uku ndi imfa ya imfa, kumabweretsera msanga onse omwe amazunzidwa chifukwa cha matenda, ngozi kapena kudzipha. "
Mwina, kwa ena, udindo wawo ndi kusagonana ndi munthu mpaka atakuuzani zoyenera zake kwa inu. Ndipo kotero inu mukhoza kuyembekezera ndi kusadikira, inu mukusowa zoyenera kuchita.
Amuna ndi akazi onse amafuna chinthu chomwecho - kumverera zosowa zawo, kudzilemekeza okha ndi kukondedwa.
Ndipo pano kugonana kwanu kwasanduka zero komanso mpaka pamene simukupita kulikonse, musakambirane mavuto aakulu ndipo mukumva kuti simupatsidwa chidwi. Mukhonza kukhala otsimikiza kuti mukudzikoka nokha mtolo waukulu wa chiyanjano chanu, pamene mnzanuyo wasankha mbali yochepa.
- Lembani mndandanda wa zomwe mukuchita mwachangu. Ndipo werengani mndandandawu tsiku ndi tsiku kuti mukumbukire zomwe simuyenera kuchita.
- Perekani mwayi kwa mnzanuyo kuti adziwonetse yekha. Dikirani mpaka mwamuna wanu akuthamangira ku theka la bedi ndikukukumbatirani.
"Koma iwe ukhoza kuyembekezera usiku wonse, ngati kulibe kukonzekera koyenera izo zisanachitike." Komanso m'milandu yosanyalanyazidwa, ndikuyang'anitsitsa kwambiri.
Sikoyenera kuti nthawi zonse mubweretse mgwirizano popanda kumverera chithandizo kuchokera kwa mnzanu. Kukanika kuti mukhale ndi maganizo opanda pake, inu mosakayika, mumakhala pangozi. Mungapeze kuti mnzanuyo alibe kanthu kakakupatsani.
Mwinamwake ngakhale mukuzindikira, mwadzidzidzi mukuzindikira kuti iwo sakondana ndi munthu ameneyu.
Komabe, chiwopsezo chili choyenera kupita.
Ndi kangati mkazi ali ndi chizoloŵezi choipa chonyalanyaza ulemu wake pamaso pa mwamuna. Wokondedwayo asabisa nzeru zake, maluso ake, mapindu ake, luntha lake, ndi luso lake, kuti asamuopseze iye komanso kuti asagwedeze chidaliro chake.
Nanga akaziwa anakwaniritsa chiyani: anayamba kukondedwa ndi kulemekezedwa kwambiri?
Chifukwa chiyani ntchito kuti munthu azidziona kuti ndi wamkulu kuposa iwe angayang'ane bwino kuposa momwe iye alili. Mutabisa ulemu wanu, mumapha chilakolako chanu pachibwenzi.
Musamaope kuti mukhale angwiro - amuna ali ndi nkhawa ndipo amakopeka ndi luntha ndi ungwiro, osati kufooka. Amuna amalemekeza amayi, omwe amadzidalira kwambiri. Kugwiritsa ntchito kubisa ulemu wanu kwa anthu, iwe, pamapeto pake, uyambe kuzibisa iwe wekha.
Koma nchifukwa ninji inu mukumverabe munthu?
Mwinamwake kuti mupeze chikondi ichi, chikondi cha wofera chikhulupiriro chifukwa cha chikondi. Kudzipereka kudzidalira nokha, kudzilemekeza, kudzilemekeza ndi moyo wanu chifukwa choyenerera, mwinamwake, chikondi cha munthu.
Iwe ndiwe wamantha, sizikuchitika! Ndipo kangati zonse ndi zopanda pake.
Poyesa izi, ndikupangira zotsatirazi:
"Kulola amuna akuchitireni inu momwe inu simukufunira kuti ana anu aakazi azichitiridwa."
- Kuteteza ulemu wa munthu pamene n'kofunika kuti uchite.
- Khalani mwamantha pochititsa kuti musakondwere kapena muyenera kulangizidwa ndi mnzanuyo.
- Khalani ndi moyo wokhutira ndi chikondi ndi chidwi choposa momwe mukuyenera.
Anthu amazoloŵerana ndi malo omwe amakhalamo.
Ndipo nthawi zambiri izi si zabwino, koma sitidzatha kuzindikira izi mpaka zinthu zasintha.
Pogwiritsa ntchito zochitika zanu pamaso pa ena, mumadziŵa nokha, mpaka pang'onopang'ono mutaya ulemelero wanu.
Ndipo "wosaka" wanu wayamba kale kuyang'ana pozungulira.
Koma pano pali zomwe muyenera kuchita:
- Lembani mndandanda wa mphamvu zanu, maluso, mapindu, ziyeneretso ndi makhalidwe abwino okha, ndikumenyana ngati kubwezeretsanso kwa utumiki, taganizirani wokondedwa wanu. Ndipo ngati inu mukuyesera kukopa izo ndi iye?
- Yesetsani kuvomereza, osati kuthamanga kuchokera kumayamiko. Ndipo mukamayamikira, mutenge mpweya wambiri ndikungoti: "Zikomo!" Kudzichepetsa kwachinyengo sikukongoletsa aliyense.
Chabwino, ngati wokondedwa wanu ndi wokondedwa, samamva bwino ndi inu, wodalirika komanso wodalirika, ndipo safuna? Ndiye ganizirani mosamala - kodi ndibwino kuwononga moyo umodzi wokha chifukwa cha munthu yemwe samvetsa, kukuyamikirani komanso amene simudzasangalala naye?
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