Kodi si zoona kuti inu mumakumana ndi akazi otere omwe nthawi ndi nthawi amasiya amuna awo, koma mphamvu zawo zimatha kwa sabata kapena awiri, kapena zochepa, ndipo iwo, monga zigawenga zobwerera kumbuyo, adzipezeranso pafupi ndi okhulupirika awo? Ndipo mumangodabwa kuti ndichifukwa chiyani dona wotero amagwiritsira ntchito phunziro lakumwa, kukwezera dzanja lake, kukhala ndi mbali kumbali komanso kutaya malipiro ochepa, kusewera pokhala.
Mutha kukumbukira kuti ngati simunayambe, ndiye amayi anu ali ndi bwenzi lomwe nthawi ndi usiku ali ndizinanivaetpredy kuti afotokoze zochitika zovuta pamoyo wake, akufunsa kuti agone usiku, koma ndibwino kuti mwamuna wake akhale pambali ndi maluwa ndi chinachake akulonjeza, iye abwereranso ku mikono ya okhulupirika.
Chabwino, ngati izi zikuchitika nthawi yoyamba, koma ngati mwamuna nthawi yachisanu ndi chiwiri m'zaka ziwiri zapitazi akulonjeza abwenzi anu kuti apange ntchito yatsopano, apite kunyanja kapena kusokoneza chiyanjano ndi slyubovnitsey, koma nthawi zonse amaswa mawu, kodi ndi bwino kuwathandiza "okonda" awo mavuto, ena mwa iwo omwe akulipira tizilombo? Ndipo kodi n'zotheka kumvetsa chifukwa chake izi zikuchitika ndikuyesa kumudziwitsa mkazi mtundu wina wa malangizo othandiza omwe angakuthandizeni kuthetsa vuto lake, kuti athandize msinkhu watsopano?
Kotero, ndi chifukwa chanji ophunzira, okongola ndi okongola omwe akuyembekezera amai awo pamalo awo achiwiri, omwe akhala atasiya kukhala moyo?
Nanga bwanji ngati anasintha chimodzimodzi?
Amayi ambiri amakhulupirira kuti adzatha kutsogolera tsogolo ndi khalidwe la munthu ngakhale wopanda chikhumbo chake. Zotsatira zake, amayiwa, kuyesa kulera mwamuna wake, amagwera mumsampha: amaganiza kuti ndibwino kuyesetsa khama komanso nthawi ndi zinthu zonse zidzasintha. Mwamuna nthawi imodzi kuchokera ku sofa ya ziweto, kupatula kutali ndi TV, masewera a masewera ndi maondo akugwedeza ndi mowa sazindikiranso, mwadzidzidzi amakhala buku labwino ndipo zidzasangalatsa kuyenda ndi mkazi wake ku zisudzo. Wopondereza, yemwe samakhala mkazi kapena ana ake, kuwapondereza thempsihologicheski ndikukweza manja awo, adzasanduka munthu wabwino yemwe adzakhale chithandizo ndi chithandizo.
Ndipo mkazi woteroyo, akudziwonetsera yekha kuti ndi nthano zamphamvu zonse, akukwera mu khungu lake, ndipo sipakhala kusintha mozizwitsa, kaya ayi kapena ayi.Zowonadi, sikutheka kutchula kuti mkhalidwe woterewu sungatheke konse, koma kusintha kwa amuna kungathe kuchitika pokhapokha pofufuza ndondomeko yake, monga ana, izo ziribe kanthu kochita ndi izo. Koma ngakhale mwamuna wanu atasintha kuti akhale wabwino, ndi bwino kukumbukira kuti anthu abwino sakhalapo m'chilengedwe.
Pa zovuta kwambiri, mzimayi amakhala m'mavuto nthawi zonse ndipo ndi bwino kulingalira ngati maubwenzi amenewo ndi ofunika konse. Anthu amene amadziwa ntchito za Eric Berne, yemwe ndi wotchuka wa zamaganizo, amadziwa kuti khalidweli limatchedwa "mkazi wa chidakwa". Pankhaniyi, mkaziyo ali wokwiya kwambiri kuti mwamuna wake amamwa mowa, sagwira ntchito, amasewera njuga, amamwa mankhwala osokoneza bongo, nthawi zonse amadzutsa dzanja lake, ndi zina zotero, koma pazochitika zonse za khalidwe labwino la mwamuna wake amayesa kupeza chifukwa chake. Anakweza dzanja lake - zikutanthauza kuti mkazi wake ankaphika chakudya chosautsa, anatayika ndalama zonse mu kasitomala - mwinamwake abwana ake akugwira ntchito. Mchitidwe wa chikhalidwe wa Ithaca ukhoza kukhala mizu m'banja nthawi yaitali. Zomwezo, kuchoka pambali yozungulira, mmodzi wa abwenzi ayenera kusintha kwambiri mndandanda wa zochitika zofanana.
Kuopa kukhala ndekha
Kawirikawiri, amuna omwe amachititsa udindo wa amayi oweta amachitapo kanthu pachitsikana chachikazi ndi mawu monga "Aliyense anakuyamverani kupatula ine", "Ndinakunyamulira pambali pa moyo ndikupanga munthu mwa iwe", "Kodi ndiwe msungwanayo? Tawonani kuti ndinu a zaka zingati, momwe mukuwonekera. Kodi mukuganiza kuti wina adzakhala pozaritsya pa inu? ". Ndipo abwenzi anga, zikuoneka kuti apanga chiwembu ndi mwamuna wamtima wozizira ndipo akuwomba chitoliro chimodzi, kuti mufunike wina, ngati mutakhala mkazi wosakwatira.
Ku mbali imodzi, m'dziko lathu, ndithudi, akazi achikulire ndi akulu kwambiri kuposa amuna, ndipo ena - kwa amayi okhaokha a mdziko lathu palinso khalidwe loipa-lachifundo.Ngati mkazi woteroyo apita, anene, kuti achite chikondwerero Chaka Chatsopano ndi abwenzi ake, ndiye mwinamwake, ena adzabwera limodzi ndi okwatirana awo ndipo adzayang'ana mpikisano kwa mdani yemwe angatheke yemwe anamasulidwa ku goli la mwamuna wake wankhanza.
Nanga ndi zodandaula zotani za abambo, abwenzi aakazi komanso anthu ena apamtima kuti amayi sangakhale ndi wina aliyense woti athandizidwe kuthetsa mavuto ang'onoang'ono a pakhomo ndi kulemba kuti asudzulane, sangathe kudalira kuti mwamuna wake adzasungira masamulo mu bafa, kukonzanso nyama yosweka ndi kachetechete kunyamula thumba la mbatata kumsika. Panthawi imodzimodziyo, anthu ochepa amaganiza kuti kusunga mkazi, mkazi, mwinamwake, amachotsa ntchito yophika supu, kuganiza zoti aziphika kuti adye chakudya. Nsomali, yeretsani kayendedwe ka madzi osakaniza kapena kukonzanso nyama ikhoza kuchitidwa ndi wogwira ntchito ku bungwe lomwe limapereka chithandizo monga "ora la amuna".
Ngakhale mkazi akuwopa kuti ngati atasudzulidwa ndi mwamuna ndi mkazi, sangathe kukonza moyo wake, ayenera kuganiza ngati ali woyenera zotsutsana zomwe zimaperekedwa ndi anthu kapena tsankho, kulekerera antics a okhulupirika? Ngati simungapange chisankho chodziwikiratu, mukhoza kutenga pepala ndi tsatanetsatane ubwino ndi zovuta za munthu yemwe ali pafupi pomwepo. Chabwino, bwanji? Kodi ali ndi mitengo yochuluka?
Kudzidalira pansi pazitali
Nthawi zonse pamene chipiriro chikutha, akazi omwe akupirira khalidwe losayenera la amuna awo amalingalira kuti ndi nthawi yoti athetse manyazi awa. Koma nthawi iliyonse bizinesi yake yakuda imadziona kuti ndiwe wolemekezeka, chifukwa mayiyo akuyamba kukayikira ngati adzakhala ndi moyo popanda iye wokhulupirika. Inde, dzulo iye anali wosakwanira, atamwa mowa kwambiri, akuopseza kuti akudwala, zonsezi zimawonedwa ndi ana. Koma lero, pambuyo pake, iye ali wokhotakhota kuposa madzi, pansi pa udzu, akulira mofuula kuti apemphe chikhululukiro kwa aliyense, akulonjeza kuti iyi inali nthawi yomaliza ndipo anali kale kumayambiriro kwa njira, pamapeto pake kuti akhale mwamuna wabwino ndi bambo.
Kodi n'zosatheka kuti musakhulupirire mwambo woterewu kuti palibe munthu wamba yemwe angawonongeke? Pankhaniyi, ngati zimabwera kwa munthu wamba, ndiye kuti izi siziyenera kuchitika.
Nanga nchifukwa ninji amai amazunzidwa, kukhululukira anthu nthawi zambiri?
Chowonadi ndi chakuti ambiri a maofesi athu ali muunyamata. Izi ndizoona makamaka kudzichepetsa. Mkazi wodzidalira wotere amene analeredwa ndi makolo omwe nthawi zambiri sanam'tamande ana adatsutsidwa pa chifukwa china, poyerekeza zomwe adachita ndi kupambana kwa ana ena, mwachitsanzo, anzake a m'kalasi, oyandikana nawo, abale achikulire kapena alongo achikulire. Kukula, atsikana oterewa sangathe kudzifufuza bwinobwino, samakhulupirira kuti angathe kugwiritsa ntchito bwino, ndipo maganizo a ena omwe amawazungulira ndi ofunikira kwambiri kuposa omwewo.
Wolakwa wopanda mlandu
Azimayi okhala ndi njira imeneyi kumoyo nthawi zonse amadandaula kuti maganizo oipa a munthu amadzipangitsa okha. Mwamuna wanga anali wonyansa, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti sindinatembenukire kwa iye, ndimamenya, ine ndekha ndili ndi mlandu, ndikuyenera kukhala ndi maganizo amenewa.
Apa ndi bwino kukumbukira kuti onse awiri ali ndi mlandu pazochitika zilizonse - sizingatheke kuti wina ali ndi mlandu, ndipo winayo akukakamizidwa kuchita mwanjira inayake komanso popanda njira ina. Kumbukirani kuti mukumenyana wina amakhala ngati wotsutsa, ndiye wotsutsa, winayo akukakamizidwa kudziteteza . Amuna, omwe amazoloŵera kukhala muzochitika zoterezi, amayesa ndi mphamvu zawo zonse kuti akhalitse akazi awo kudzimva kuti ndi olakwa, potero amayesa kudzilungamitsa okha ndikuchotsa kudzimva kuti ali ndi mlandu chifukwa cha khalidwe lolakwika. Ndipotu, wolamulira wamba amadziona yekha kukhala kalonga wa chiweruzo, ndipo wogwiriridwayo amamumatira kwambiri chifukwa chodziimba mlandu.
Izi ndizinso nthawi zambiri mwana kuyambira ubwana, kuti atenge chidwi, malingaliro ndi chikondi cha makolo kapena achibale ena achikulire, kunali koyenera kutsimikizira mwa njira zonse kuti mwanayo ndi woyenera.
Kuphatikizana kopindulitsa
Nthawi zina, kuyang'ana pa ubale wopanda pake wa aliyense, a psychologists akuwona bwino kuti zifukwa zakuti mkazi sangathenso kumusiya mwamuna ndiye kuti amaletsa. Mwachitsanzo, kungakhale kudalira kwina kosiyana: kuchokera kumalingaliro, kugonana ndi zolemba.
Komanso, ena amakhutira ndi ntchito ya wozunzidwa. Osadziŵa momwe zinthu zilili, ambiri amadabwa, kodi atsikana omwe ali mu gawo la theka loponderezedwa, angakhale ndi phindu lanji? Ngati mukukumba pang'ono, mumatha kuona kuti akazi osasangalala m'banja angathe kudalira thandizo la anthu, amamvera chisoni ndi anzanu opambana. Pakapita nthawi, izi zimapangitsa kuti ubalewu ukhale mgwirizano wonyansa, momwe mkazi amachitira momwe angayesere kupanga mwamuna kuchokera kwa mwamuna wake, kuyesa kumupeza ntchito yabwino, kumunyoza ndi kumukakamiza akamamwa mowa, koma izi sizipereka zotsatira. Chotsatira chake, mkazi amayamba kufotokozera kuti onse omuzungulira amamumvera chisoni ndipo izi zimakhala mtundu wodalirika.
Chinthu chinanso chimene sichimangokhalira kuponyera mwamuna kapena mkazi wake, chingakhale chopindulitsa nthawi zonse. Ambiri ali okonzeka kupirira za sizmen za mwamuna, kunyalanyaza kwake pachabe kuti asasinthe moyo wawo wokhazikika, kulandira mphatso za mtengo wapatali zimene mkaziyo amapereka kuti awombole mlandu wake. Zoona, sitiyenera kuiwala kuti maubwenzi oterewa amakhumudwitsa kwambiri, ndipo posakhalitsa wina ayenera kuganizira za zofunika kwambiri: mwayi wina, mwachitsanzo, mwayi wopita ku Paris kwa sabatala kapena kuopsa kwa thanzi ndi mgwirizano.
Kudalira pa kugonana
Kudalira kugonana ndi chimodzi mwa mitundu yotsatizana. Azimayi amene amagwera mumsampha umenewu amakhulupirira kuti palibe wina koma wokondedwa weniweni yemwe amamvetsetsa bwino zomwe akufunikira komanso kuwakwaniritsa. Kumbali imodzi, ikhonza kugwirizanitsidwa ndi chiwerengero chachikulu cha zibwenzi zomwe mkazi adagonana naye mu chibwenzi chakale, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti akhoza kuyerekezera mwamuna wake ndi. Pachifukwa china - kuthetsa mgwirizano wotere ndikuchotsa mtolo wolemetsa sizimapereka kudzichepetsa. Chotsatira chake, chilichonse chomwe munthu amachita, zifukwa zomveka zowonongeka zimapangidwa chifukwa cha zochita zake, ndipo iye, panthawi yake, amatsimikiza kuti chiwembu, chiwawa, kumwa ndi zolakwa zina zidzakhululukidwa kwa iye ndipo adzabwereranso kunyumba ndikupitiriza kukhala pachibwenzi ngati palibe chinachitika .
Ana ayenera kukula ndi abambo awo
Zotsutsana ndi zomwe abambo ayenera kukhala nazo ndi abambo ake komanso momwe amamvera mkazi wake ndi ana ake, ndibwino kukhala ndi banja lonselo kusiyana ndi amayi amodzi kapena abambo awo, kunali ulamuliro wa Soviet pamene unalengezedwa kuti ukwati uyenera kukhala umodzi moyo wonse. Momwemonso, mkaziyo amachitira nkhanza, kuyika nthawi zonse ndi khama polera ana ndikuyembekeza kuti m'tsogolomu adzatha kuyamikira zonse zomwe wawachitira. Koma chodabwitsa n'chakuti olandira cholowa, powona kuti maubwenzi amtundu wanji amalamulira m'banja, mwabwino kwambiri, afunseni makolo kuti athetse banja lawo, poipa kwambiri - amadzibisa okha, kupeza ndalama zambiri.
Zindikirani kuti banja lililonse ndilokhaokha ndipo mkazi akhoza kugwiritsanso ntchito kuti asagwirizanitse maubwenzi pa zifukwa zomwe tatchulidwa pamwambapa, komanso kuti azitsatira zonse zomwe zili pamapazi. Mwachidziwikire, kudalira koteroko kumatopetsa, kumapangitsa mkazi kukhala wamantha komanso wokhumudwitsa, ndipo ngati sangakwanitse kusankha momwe angakhalire kuti achite zinthu zomwe zaikidwa m'banja lake, zingakhale zopanda nzeru kukaonana ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo kapena wamaganizo. Inde, ndikuyembekeza kuti pambuyo pa phwando loyamba mmanja mwanu padzakhala malangizo othandiza kuthetsa mavuto onse a banja, koma mutha kukuthandizani kumvetsetsa vutolo ndi kuthetsa vutoli.