Kudziimira pakati pa mwamuna ndi mkazi

Zaka makumi angapo zapitazo mu moyo wathu wa tsiku ndi tsiku panalibe lingaliro la "mkazi wodziimira yekha". Maubwenzi apabanja mpaka zaka za m'ma 1970 ndi 1980 zinkawerengedwa kukhala ofunikira. Ndipo banja linamvetsedwa ngati lonse.

Kuchokera nthawi imeneyo, zambiri zasintha, ndipo tsopano ufulu wa amayi sumavutitsa aliyense. Komanso, iye anasiya kuonedwa kuti ndi chizindikiro cha mtsikana wachikulire kapena wotaya mtima yemwe sangathe kumanga moyo wake. Tsopano ufulu wa pakati pa mwamuna ndi mkazi ndi dalitso limene ambiri amafuna. Koma si onse omwe amaphunzira kukhala nawo. Kotero tiyeni tiyang'ane mitundu yambiri ya ubale weniweni, ndi kusankha chomwe chingachitidwe nawo.

Ufulu wodzikonda

Akatswiri a zamaganizo omwe amaphunzira kuwonongeka kwa banja ndikwati amanena kuti gawo lalikulu la chisudzulo pamayesero a mwamuna ndi chifukwa cha kudalira kwambiri kwa maganizo kwa mkazi. Mkazi akaika mwamuna wake pakati pa chilengedwe chake ndipo zofuna zake zimakhala zofunikira kwa iye, mwamunayo amavutika. Ndipo akadzifikitsa yekha kuti asapange chisankho chochepa popanda iye, amakondwera ndi mawu ake okoma ndipo amamva chisoni chifukwa cha zochita zake zosaganiziridwa, munthu amayamba kusokonezeka ndi miyendo ndi manja ake. Chodabwitsa, koma nthawi zambiri abambo samafuna kukhala okhawo chidwi cha mkazi wawo. Chilichonse chimene amanena m'mawu ake, amachikonda kwambiri pamene mkazi ali ndi njira zina zozindikiritsira malingaliro ake, osati kulankhulana nawo.

Kudalira mtima kumatha kudziwonetsera mwazinthu zina, ngakhale zovuta kwambiri. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mayi anakulira m'banja lomwe anthu ambiri amamunyoza, iye ndi mwamuna wake amayesa kukangana. Amazibweretsa mwaluso, koma osadziwoneka yekha, kenako ndi chimwemwe ndi chidziwitso kwa abwenzi ake kuti "anthu onse ndi amwano."

Zikuwoneka kuti kukwanitsa kutenga malingaliro ndi kuthekera kuwathetsa iwo kupyola ubale pakati pa mwamuna ndi mkazi ndi chinthu chofunikira kwambiri cha kupambana mu moyo wake. Ngati mukufuna kukhala ndi chibwenzi cholimba ndi mwamuna wake, pitani kumaseŵera, kukawonetserana, kucheza ndi anzanu ndi abwenzi, werengani mabuku, penyani mafilimu abwino, kuyankhula pa intaneti. Chinthu chachikulu - musamangidwe pa mwamuna. Iwo samakhululukira izi!

Katswiri wina wafilosofi dzina lake Erich Fromm anadalira kuti "chikondi-ukapolo." Amakhulupirira kuti "chikondi chaufulu" kokha chingapatse munthu chimwemwe chenicheni. Kusiyanitsa pakati pawo kungasonyezedwe m'mawu osavuta. "Ndimakukondani kwambiri, kuti popanda inu sindingathe", "chikondi-ukapolo". Ndipo ngati mungathe kunena ndi chikumbumtima choyera: "Ndimakukondani kwambiri, koma ndikhoza kuchita popanda inu" - uwu ndi ufulu wa chikondi. Fromm anali otsimikiza kuti chiyanjano chokhazikika, chokhazikika, chosangalatsa ndi chogwirizana chiri mwa awiriwa omwe onse okwatirana "adamasulidwa" wina mwaufulu m'maganizo mwake. Mwa awiriwa, nthawi zambiri palibe mwamuna kapena mkazi amazunza ufulu wawo, ndipo samayesa kupweteketsana wina ndi mzake, kuphwanya mfundo zoyenera za ubale wabwino, samayesayesa kuchita nsanje zopanda nzeru ndikudzichitira nsanje kawirikawiri.

Ufulu wa zachuma

Azimayi ena amafuula kuti: "Tinamenyana-tinamenyera akazi, tsopano tikusankha." Mwinamwake, amatanthawuza kuti amuna posachedwapa avomereza kuti mkazi akhoza kukhala wodziimira yekha pankhani zachuma. Angamupatse mosavuta kuti asamalire banja lake ndikupanga zosankha zofunika. Mwadzidzidzi pakati pa mwamuna ndi mkazi, anyamatawa adapeza ntchito yawo. Ndipo kale mabanja omwe mwamuna amalandira, ndipo mkazi akukhala pakhomo ndi ana, amatsutsana.

Ndipotu, palibe cholakwika ndi zimenezo. Akatswiri a zamaganizo a ku America akhala akudziŵa kuti m'mabanja omwe aliyense m'banja amakhala ndi ndalama zake, amapeza mikangano yochepa chifukwa cha ndalama. Kotero ndi zachilendo kwa banja labwino, pamene sali mkazi, ndipo mwamuna samasunga bajeti yonse m'manja mwake. Ndipo pamene aliyense wa iwo amapereka bajeti, ndipo aliyense - kuphatikizapo ana a zaka khumi - ali ndi bajeti yakeyake.

Apa ndiyenera kutchula kuti pali nthawi pamene kusiyana kwa bajeti sikulakwa. Mimba ndi kubadwa kwa mwana zimapangitsa mkazi kuti asamathe kudzisamalira yekha kwa nthawi ndithu. Kotero sikuli koyenera kumanga muzipembedzo zachinyengo komanso zosasintha pakati pa mwamuna ndi mkazi wake. Muzinthu zonse padzakhala "golide" amatanthauza ".

Kugonana kwaokha

Ndizo zomwe ziyenera kupeŵedwa mu chiyanjano, choncho ndi ubale wotseguka. Monga momwe kafukufuku wamaganizo a banja amasonyezera, anthu ena apakati akhoza kukhala paulendo "kumbali" ya wokondedwa wawo kapena wokwatiwa popanda vuto la maganizo. Ndipo mochulukirapo ndi bwino kulingalira za zotsatira ngati mutapatsidwa chiyanjano chimene aliyense wa iwo angathe kukhala nawo ku mbali.

Kawirikawiri chiwembu chimakhala ngati "chinthu chosasinthika" mu chiyanjano. Izi zikutanthauza kuti kupandukira ndi nthawi yovuta kwambiri pamoyo wa banja, zomwe zimasintha mgwirizano mwa iwo mwakuya. Mabanja ambiri nthawi ndi nthawi amagawana pambuyo pochita chinyengo, ngakhale ngati atha kuyang'anitsitsa zotsutsana. Ndipo amuna ndi achiwawa kwambiri pankhaniyi kuposa akazi. Mwamuna akhoza kunena kuti satsutsana ndi kukhala ndi mkazi wake kapena mkazi wokondedwa kuyesa kugonana ndi wina. Komabe, mwakuchita, atangofika pozindikira, nthawi zambiri amavumbulutsa hule pakhomo la nyumba yake. Sikovuta kutsimikizira izi. Ngati mwamuna wanu akunena kuti sakulimbana ndi ziwalo zitatu, kugonana ndi gulu limodzi kumbali, kumuthandiza - osasangalatsa - kugonana kwa atatu. Ndipo muwona kuti kugonana, komwe alipo ndi akazi awiri, amavomereza mofulumira komanso mofunitsitsa koposa kugonana, komwe muli ndi amuna awiri.

Ngati simuli olimba mtima kuti muyese kukwiya, khulupirirani maganizo a akatswiri. Akatswiri a zamaganizo amagwira ntchito kwambiri ndi anthu ndikuwona mtundu wa maubwenzi angathandize munthu kukhala wachimwemwe ndi chiyanjano, ndipo ndi njira yotsiriza yopita kumalo. Nchifukwa chiyani muyenera kudzifufuza pa khungu lanu zomwe zimayang'aniridwa ndi mazana awiriawiri, ndipo mumapanga zovuta zanu?