Poyamba, mawonetseredwe a kukula msinkhu wachinyamata akukhudzana ndi zifukwa zambiri zokhudzana ndi maganizo. Choyamba, chikhumbo cha achinyamata, chifukwa cha kugwirizana, kugwirizanitsa maganizo awo, kupeŵa kusungulumwa, kapena kungofuna kutchuka. Kulongosola kwa izi kungakhale kuti munthu aliyense amafuna kuti azikondedwa, kumupatsa iye chidwi choyenera ndipo motero amathandizira kuthetsa kusungulumwa. Ngati wachinyamata sakulandira zonsezi pamwamba pa adiresi yake, ndiye kuti kusowa kweniyeni kwa achibale ndi abwenzi kumamuwonetsa iye sitepe iyi. Mawu omveka akuti "Ndimakukondani" kuchokera kwa wogonana angachite bwino kutembenuza zotsutsana zonse. Ndipo pano, komanso kuphatikizapo chirichonse, kumverera kuti ndi momwe mungapezere kutchuka pakati pa anzanu, makamaka abwenzi ndi abwenzi. Kodi simungaganize bwanji za kugonana, pamene mnzanu akunyansidwa akukuuzani kuti ngati simugonana, ndinu akadakali mwana. Apa pali chifukwa chowonekera choyamba chomwe chimapangitsa mwana wachinyamata kukhala wokonda ndi kukula pa nkhaniyi.
Chifukwa chachiwiri ndi chiwonetsero cha kudziimira kwathunthu kuchokera kwa makolo awo. Pano mungathe kuphatikizapo chikhumbo cha msinkhu kuti mukhale wamkulu msanga ndipo yesetsani "kulawa" moyo wachikulire ndi zida zake zonse. Chilakolako cha kugonana pano ndi chakuti mwana yemwe ali ndi chidziwitso chodetsa nkhaŵa amatsutsa mfundo yakuti sadayambe kugonana, sangathe kulowerera njira ya moyo wake wachikulire. Mu mkhalidwe umenewu, kutha msinkhu kumabweretsa kugonana ndi kugonana kumalo oyamba pa makwerero otchedwa "moyo wachikulire".
Chifukwa chachitatu cha kugonana koyambirira kungakhale kulira kwachinyamata kwachinyamata kuti athandizidwe. Ichi ndi chifukwa chakuti mwanayo akukumana ndi mavuto aakulu a maganizo m'moyo wake. Kaŵirikaŵiri izi ndizovuta ndi makolo, anzanu akusukulu, anzanu. Ndi chifukwa chake mnyamata amasankha kugonana, monga njira yodzidzimitsira ndi kuchotsa ku mavuto awa. Mwa njirayi, ndi momwe zilili kuti achinyamata nthawi zambiri amayamba kumwa mowa, kusuta fodya komanso kuyesa mankhwala osokoneza bongo, pamene akuwona kuti izi ndizofunikira kwambiri. Kotero ziri pano kuti inu muyenera kumvetsera mwatcheru kwa mwanayo ndi kusintha maganizo anu kwa iye.
Chifukwa chachinai, pamene kukula msinkhu kumayamba kuwombera fungulo, chochitika chofala kwambiri pakati pa achinyamata ndi kukhutira ndi zosowa zathu zakuthupi ndi chidziwitso chodziwika. Chifukwa chake izi ndizofala kwambiri pakati pa achinyamata, sizili zovuta konse kuganiza. Pambuyo pake, lero, zenizeni zonse zochokera ku mauthenga osalimba molimba mtima ndikutsatira poyera nkhani za kugonana, kuyamika ngati chinthu chomwe chiyenera kuyesedwa. Ndipo poyamba, ndibwino. Pano pali zotsatira zake, monga momwe mwanayo amafunira mwamsanga kuti amve yekha "chomwe chiri ndi zomwe amadyedwa."
Ndipo chifukwa chachisanu ndi chikhumbo chosafuna kuti mwana ataya munthu yemwe amamukonda, kuti akhalebe naye paubwenzi. Mwachidule, wachinyamata amasankha kugonana kuti asunge mwamuna kapena mkazi wina pafupi naye. Ngakhale izi sizigwira ntchito nthawi zonse. Izi nthawi zambiri zimachitika ndi atsikana omwe sali odzidalira okha ndipo omwe amavutika nthawi zonse ndi funso ngati ali okongola. Mwa kuyankhula kwina, atsikana ameneŵa amamva zovuta kwambiri chifukwa cha maonekedwe awo, nthawi zonse sakhala okondwa nazo ndipo motero amadwala. Iwo amaganiza kuti njira yokhayo yopezera mnyamata pambali pake ndi kugonana. Ndipo mawu ngati awa: "Ngati simukufuna kukhala ndi ine - zikutanthauza kuti simukundikonda" - kumveka ngati bolt wochokera ku buluu. Ndikuganiza kuti amadziwa bwino atsikana ambiri. Ichi ndi chifukwa chake mikangano yokhudza kugonana ndi kugonana achinyamata kumapezeka.
Ngati inu, mutatha kuwerenga zifukwa izi, mwazindikira nokha ndi mavuto anu, ganizirani za izo, mwinamwake pakali pano ndi nthawi yoti muime ndikudzimvetsa nokha. Choyamba, ganizirani zomwe mukuyembekeza kuchokera ku chiyanjano ndi zomwe adzakupatsani. Ndipotu, kukula msinkhu sikutanthauza kuti muyenera kuyamba kugonana mwamsanga.
Kugonana koyambirira kwa achinyamata, omwe, vuto la moyo woyambirira wa kugonana ndilovuta kwambiri. Ndicho chifukwa chake muyenera kudzipangira nokha, monga akunena, pangozi yanu ndi pangozi. Mwinamwake, musanakhale ndi funso kamodzi kamodzi kokha: "Kodi ndi nthawi ndipo ine ndikukonzekera kugonana? "Tiyeni tiganizire za izo palimodzi.
Choyamba, muyenera kumvetsetsa kuti mwakhala pamodzi nthawi yayitali kapena mumadziwa bwanji munthu uyu. Kaya ndi zosangalatsa kwa inu pamodzi komanso popanda kugonana, kaya bwenzi lanu likukulimbikitsani, sakukuchititsani kapena kukupangitsani kuti mukumva kuti ndinu wolakwa. Musamve kuti simukumva bwino kapena kuchititsidwa manyazi, ngati kugonana kwanu kukudziwika ndi ena. Kodi mukufunadi kusunga ubale umenewu ndipo mutakhala pamodzi ngati simunapitirire kugonana. Kodi mwakonzeka kutenga udindo umene udzakuthandizani kupewa mimba yosafunika ndikukutetezani ku matenda opatsirana pogonana. Zonsezi zikusonyeza kuti zidzakhala zofunikira kugwiritsa ntchito kondomu nthawi zonse kapena njira zina zothandizira kulera, zomwe ndizomwe zimakhazikitsidwa kuti zikhale zogonana.
Pambuyo pozindikira mfundo zonsezi ndi kuwapatsa mayankho olondola, muyenera kusankha bwino ndikuzindikira, komanso ngati mukuyenera kuyamba moyo woyenera kugonana. Kumbukirani kuti kugonana koyambirira sikukhala ndi zotsatira zabwino.