Kukondana kwa okwatirana nthawi ya chisudzulo

Moyo umakonzedwa kotero kuti anthu akakomane, kugwa m'chikondi, kulenga banja, kubereka ana, ndi kupitiliza kukhala limodzi nthawi zina miyoyo yawo yonse. Koma ndi kangati mu moyo wa banja wina safunsidwa, sichigwira ntchito, banja limasiya chikondi ndi kumvetsetsa ndi chimwemwe sichikhalabe m'banja, ndipo banja limayamba kukhala "Ine".

Panthawi imeneyo, phokoso losasangalatsa monga mawu akuti "kusudzulana" amawoneka. Pamene Leo Tolstoy wamkulu adanena kuti mabanja osangalala ali ofanana, ndipo mabanja onse osasangalala sakondwera mwa njira yawo. M'zaka mazana awiri zomwe zadutsa kuchokera pa mawu awa, palibe chomwe chasintha. Ngati banja limapangidwira ndi losangalala, ndiye chifukwa ichi sichifunidwa, ndipo ngati chinachake mu moyo wa banja sichinayende ndipo palibe apo, ndiye ndikufuna kuti ndipeze zowonjezera, ndikudziwitsani kuti ndi ndani amene akulakwa, zomwe ndizolakwa.

Ndikufuna kumvetsetsa zomwe zakhala zikuphatikizana pakati pa anthu omwe nkhope zawo zimasangalala kuchokera ku zithunzi zachikwati komanso ngati n'zotheka kukonza, kapena ngati zonse zakhala zikuphwasuka mosasintha, palibe kusuntha komweko ndi kusudzulana ndi njira yokhayo yabwino komanso yopambana.

Ngakhale kuti pali zifukwa zambiri zosiyana zothetsera banja, mavesi ambiri amapereka mbali zonse ziwiri - zifukwa zazikulu zomwe zimatsogolera kusudzulana zingachepetse kukhala magulu otsatirawa.

Gulu loyamba ndilo kumene kusudzulana kwenikweni ndi mwayi wokha kwa wina m'banja kuti apulumutse miyoyo yawo, thanzi lawo ndi kudzilemekeza. Ndi za mabanja omwe amagwera chifukwa cha nkhanza za wina ndi mzake, mwakuthupi komanso mwamakhalidwe. Pogoi, mwano, kuponderezana - ichi ndi chifukwa cha chisudzulo, chomwe sichiri chofulumira. Kukayikira kapena kusinkhasinkha mu izi ndizosatheka.

Gulu lachiwiri ndi kusudzulana motsatira zizolowezi za wina wa m'banja. Kumwa, kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo, kuledzera kwa njuga. Matendawa ali ndi matendawa ndipo nthawi zina amatha kuchiritsidwa. Choncho, chisankho cha kusudzulana sichingatengeke mwaukali, popanda kuyesera mbali zonse ziwiri kuti zipirire zovuta zowopsya izi. Koma, ngati kuyesayesa kumapangidwa ndi phwando limodzi, ndiye kuti zotsatira zake sizingatheke. Nthawi zina ubale wa anthu okwatirana umasokonekera chifukwa chosiyana, ndipo aliyense womwa vinyo amaperekedwa chifukwa choledzeretsa mowa komanso chifukwa chachikulu chokambirana nkhani ya chisudzulo.

Mwina, zifukwa zina zonse zothetsera ukwati zilibe zifukwa zomveka. Mizu yawo imakhala pazifukwa zogonjera. Zifukwa izi zimasonyezedwa m'mawu osiyana, zifukwa zosiyanasiyana komanso nthawi zina zimaperekedwa, kutsutsidwa komanso kunyozedwa. Okwatirana pa nthawi ya kusudzulana amauzana wina ndi mzake zonse zomwe zasonkhanitsa ndikuphika pa nthawi ya moyo pamodzi. "Iye amalandira pang'ono," "Wotopa," "Iye sathandiza pa ntchito zapakhomo," "Sadziwa kuphika," "Amachedwa mofulumira ntchito," "Wachedwa mofulumira ntchito." Zifukwa izi zimakhala zikuluzikulu za kusudzulana m'zaka zoyambirira za moyo, ndipo pambuyo pake onse akutopa pokhala limodzi, osakwanitsa kapena osakhutira kuti akhalane wina ndi mzake, achinyamata osakwanitsa zaka (osadalira zaka zenizeni) kumbuyo kwa kutha kwa chikondi chokondweretsa ndi chosangalatsa.

Kugwirizana kwa okwatirana pa nthawi ya chisudzulo chifukwa cha zifukwa izi ndizosasunthika komanso kusintha. Amasunthira ngati kusuntha kuchokera ku chidani chomwe chimakhala ndi miyambo yazing'ono komanso ngakhale kutuluka kwachikondi kwatsopano, kachiwiri kumasokonezedwa ndi kutsutsidwa. Nthawi zoterozo zikhoza kukhalapo nthawi yaitali, nthawi zambiri, mobwerezabwereza zimapangitsa kuti azipita kumbuyo, kapena kubwerera mwakachetechete, ndipo mtendere ndi mgwirizano zimakhalapo m'banja, kapena kukhululukirana komanso kusaganizira zofooka za mnzanuyo.

Zikatero ndizofunika kuti asasokoneze mgwirizano wa okwatirana, osati kuthandizira mbali imodzi kapena mbali inayo, kuti asawononge mkhalidwe wa banja ngakhale zolinga zabwino. Kawirikawiri tchimo ili ndilopangidwa mwa makolo a okwatirana, nthawizina mabwenzi abwino. Kupewera kulikonse mu zochitika za m'banja kuchokera kunja (ngati kulankhula sikukuwopsyeza moyo kapena thanzi) liri ndi zotsatira zosayembekezereka. Ziribe kanthu momwe maubwenzi apabanja akukhalira patsogolo, kusokoneza kwina sikungaiwale. Ndi mawu amodzi osamvetsetseka, mungathe kuononga kwamuyaya banja lanu ndikudzipeza nokha mu udindo wa woweruzidwa kwamuyaya mu chiwonongeko ichi. Ngati banja likupulumukabe m'mabvuto onse a moyo, chimodzimodzi, chiyanjano ndi wina wa zibwenzi chidzawonongedwa kosatha.

Zowopsya kwambiri ndi maubwenzi pakati pa okwatirana nthawi ya kusudzulana kwa ana awo. Muunyamata zonse zimawoneka zosatha. Chimwemwe sichitha, mavuto sungatheke. Choncho, kusagwirizana kulikonse, ndi zina zotero kusudzulana, kumakhudza kwambiri psyche ya mwana, onse aang'ono ndi aang'ono. Kusamvana kwapadera kwa maganizo a ana amakono ndi chifukwa chakuti oposa theka la iwo amakhala m'mabanja omwe ali kholo limodzi kapena ndi kholo la abambo (nthawi zambiri abambo, koma amayi omwe amamulera amakhalanso achilendo). Choncho, pa nthawi ya chisudzulo, makolo ayenera kukhala osamala polankhula ndi ana osati kusintha mavuto awo ku miyoyo yawo yofooka ndi mapewa.

Ngati malankhulidwewa adakalipo pakutha kwalamulo, kuwoloka ndi kugawidwa kwa katundu, ndiye zifukwa zonse zomwe zinayambanso kusudzulana zimakhala zovuta zotsutsana ndipo zimagwiritsidwa ntchito ngati zifukwa pofuna kubwezeretsanso katundu wawo. Palibe amene amakangana kuti chirichonse ndi ntchito yovuta kwa ife, koma ndi bwino kusunga ubale wabwino wina ndi mzake kusiyana ndi chuma chilichonse. Mu moyo, mungapeze zitsanzo zambiri pamene okwatirana atatha kusudzulana akupitirizabe kukhala ndi ubale wabwino, kuthandizana pamodzi, kuthandizana wina ndi mzake pakakhala zosowa. Komanso, nthawi zambiri anthu amapitiriza kudana wina ndi mzake pambuyo pa zaka zambiri za moyo wosiyana. Tayang'anani pa iwo ndi ena, mvetserani kwa iwo ndipo yesetsani kukhalabe anthu ngakhale muzovuta zovuta monga chisudzulo. Ganizirani maphunziro onse a moyo wanu, kumbukirani zolakwitsa zanu ndi zolakwa za anthu ena, kuti musawabwererenso mtsogolomu. Pambuyo pake, pambuyo pa chilekano cha moyo wosudzulitsa ndikupitirira ndipo maganizo athu pa icho chimadalira chomwe chidzakhale.