Ngati mukutsatira mawu a katswiri wa zamaganizo Erich Bern, ndiye kuti ukwati ndi zotsatira zake zothetsera - kusudzulana kungakhale chifukwa cha masewera omwe anthu amasewera. Chiphunzitso cha Berne n'chosavuta: kusowa kwa chibwenzi kumakhudza munthu. Choncho, makanda omwe sakhala ndi anthu ena amatha kuseri pambuyo pa chitukuko ndipo amatha kufa. Mofananamo, anthu omwe akhala m'banja kwa nthawi yayitali pokhala opanda chibwenzi akhoza kuthetsa banja.
Kusudzulana, ngati zidachitika, ndondomekoyi, ndikudzidziwa ndekha, si yabwino. Ndipo nkhaniyi siimangokhala kuzinyoza, kuneneza za kusakhulupirika ndi kusakonda. Kugawidwa kwa katundu, kuphatikizapo abwenzi omwe akutsutsana nawo, kumapangitsa kuti mukhale ndi maganizo olakwika kwa chikho cha mtima wochuluka kale. Maganizo, omwe panalibe njira yopezera moyo wamakhalidwe abwino, tsopano akudziwana bwino. Ndipo izi sizingatheke koma zimadzetsa zotsatira, ndipo zidzakhala ndi chizindikiro chowonjezera kapena nthawi yosayina. Koma ndikofunikira kwambiri kumvetsetsa zomwe zimayambitsa zotsatirazi.
Chiwerengero cha mawu
Ziwerengero zimatsimikizira kuti: imodzi mwa mitengo yabwino kwambiri ya chilekano imatha pakapita zaka zitatu kapena zitatu pambuyo pa chikwati chovomerezeka. Pali zifukwa zambiri izi: Kuchokera ku zovuta zakuthupi kukana kusakhulupirika. Koma palinso lingaliro lakuti zomwezo "muukwati" zimasokoneza maganizo: cholinga chikukwaniritsidwa, chokhacho chimachotsedwa, tsopano mutha kukhala osangalala. Palibe chosowa chonyenga, kunyenga, kugwa m'chikondi ndikugwera m'chikondi, kukhutira ndi kukhutira. Choncho amayamba kusokonezeka maganizo. Pafupifupi zomwezo zimachitika pa nthawi ya chiyanjano chaukwati pa zinyama: Pasanapite nthawi yaitali kuti abambo azikwanira kumalo ochepa ndipo m'njira iliyonse ikhoza kuwonetsa kwa amayi kuti sawopsya ndi omvera. Cholinga cha chilengedwechi, chomwe chimatchulidwa mu sayansi ndi kusokonezeka kwa ulamuliro, chimadziwika - osati kuopseza mkazi, kuti asapeze chiwawa. Zomwezo zikhoza kuwonedwa mwa anthu: Amuna amatha kugwiritsa ntchito mwaluso zonsezi, akugwada, kuvala pa manja awo, akulonjeza kuti adzatenga nyenyezi kuchokera kumwamba kukwaniritsa zolinga zawo zenizeni. Ndipo m'mawa, dzulo, mkazi wachikondi, atemberera wonyenga, akulonjeza kuti adzamutenganso. Mwachiwonekere, kuzizira kwa zaka zoyambirira pambuyo paukwati kumayanjanitsidwa ndi kusokoneza komweko kwa ulamuliro: poyamba-chikondi "Wokondedwa, ndikubweretsa iwe nyenyezi", m'malo mwake ndikutsatiridwa ndi mwambo wotsatsa masewero "Vodka, Zin" ali kuti.
Ukwati ndi kusudzulana zimakhala zofanana ndi masamu: nthawi zonse sichidziwika. Monga lamulo, izi zosadziwika ndizomwe akuyembekezera. Ngati mumasiya zigawo za chikondi, chilakolako ndi kukula, ndiye kuti mutha kusinthanitsa, momwe mungasokonezere, padzakhala chidwi chomwe anthu akufuna kukwaniritsa pamene akwatirana, kaya akufuna kupeza ana kapena thandizo. N'chimodzimodzinso ndi kusudzulana. Ngati chiwerengerocho ndi cholondola, ndiye kuti ziyembekezero zidzakhala zolondola - izi ndizofunikira. Mu moyo, kawirikawiri n'zotheka kuwerengera chirichonse ndi chidziwitso cha masamu.
Zosati Zizindikiro
Koma pali chiwerengero china - ziwerengero siziri zoona, koma ziyembekezero: anthu ambiri amalinganiza kuthetsa mavuto ambiri ndi chisudzulo. Anthu ambiri amatha kusudzulana omwe amakhudzidwa ndi kusintha kwabwino pamoyo wawo, ndi kukhazikitsidwa kwa mimba yayitali, ndi moyo wochokera kumalo oyera. Ndipotu, nthawi zambiri kusudzulana ndi mpata wokonda chidwi, kutsimikizira kuti ndi koyenera. Kuwerengera mu masewerawa ndi kosavuta: kuchoka ndi iye kotero kuti (iye) ayamikire momwe akusowa, momwe iye (iye) analakwitsa, momwe iye samayamikirira kukhalapo kwanu pambali. Kuwerengera, mwachilendo, ndiko kolondola, ndi chikhalidwe chokha chomwe wokondedwayo amavomereza malamulo awa a masewera komanso akuyembekezera mwachidwi nthawi yodziyanjanitsa. Pakati pa anthu omwe ndimadziwana nawo pali anthu awiri omwe tsopano akukhala ndi chizoloŵezi chogawanika ndi chiyanjano. Adzapitiriza kukhala pamodzi, kutanthauza kuti adzagawana nthawi ndi kuyanjananso, mpaka tsiku lina mmodzi wa iwo asankha kuswa malamulowo. Padakali pano, chirichonse chiri pachigonjetso.
Pali zochitika zina: nthawi zambiri anthu omwe kale anali okwatirana, otopa ndi milandu ndi kutsutsana, amaloledwa kuyenda: kuchoka ku chiwerewere kugula galimoto yatsopano, kusokoneza ndalama kudzera m'mabasi ndi masitolo, ndikusintha ntchito. Ena pambuyo pa zochitika zoterezi, atapanga nkhondo yovuta kwambiri kusanamwalire kwa moyo, kupeza malo atsopano ndi malingaliro atsopano, ena amakhumudwitsidwa ndi okhulupilira mphepo ndi moyo wokha. Ndipo zonsezi ziribe chokhumba chinsinsi kuti tidziwe kufunika kwake, kutsimikizira kuti ndipamwamba.
Apa aliyense ali ndi ufulu wodziona kuti ndi wopambana, koma zokhumba zakubisa - kulephera kwathunthu. Palibe wakale kapena wakale amene adzayendere ndi champagne kuti azitamandira bwino pa malo awo atsopano kapena kuvomereza kugula kwa BMW yatsopano. Osati chifukwa iwo sakudziwa (abwenzi enieni, omwe sangathe kugawidwa, mosiyana ndi nyumba ndi ana, ndi nthawi yabwino, omwe kale anali okwatirana amadzipereka kwa wina ndi mzake), kuti adatamande, amatanthauza kugwirizanitsa, kuvomereza kugonjetsedwa, zolakwika zawo.
Mmasewerawa, mawiri awiriwa amachititsa kuti kugwirizanitsa kutayika, koma ambiri afike pamapiri awo omwe salipo kale. Zolakwitsa zonse: Kuyambira tsopano, cholinga chawo ndi kukwaniritsa zotsatira zake, osati poyesa mawu omwe akuwonekera kale. Ndipo zonsezi ndi chinthu chimodzi chokha: Cholinga chenicheni, komanso zotsatira zenizeni sizingatheke, zokhumba zinsinsi sizolondola. Palibe wina amene watayika pano, kupatula chiyembekezo chophwanyika, kumverera kosautsika, mitsempha yosautsika ndi chidani chopambanitsa.
Chikhalidwe cha chisudzulo
Mmodzi mwa akatswiri ofufuza kwambiri pa maphunziro a sayansi, Dokotala wa Biological Sciences, Pulofesa Viktor Rafaelevich Dolnik, kufufuza momwe maukwati amachitira ndi nyama ndi kuyesa kuwulula chilengedwe chawo kwa anthu anafika pamaganizo osayembekezereka: kusinthika kwa munthu kutsata njira yachilengedwe kunasokonekera, ndipo munthuyo adatsalira zosakwanira, ndi zotsutsana zambiri pakati pa zachibadwa zokhudzana ndi kugonana, banja, banja ndi chikhalidwe. Kuyambira tsopano, osati omwe ali okonzedwa bwino, koma omwe adapeza bwino ndikugwiritsa ntchito chidziwitso chomwe anachipeza ndi kuperekedwa kuchokera ku mibadwomibadwo, momwe angamangire, momwe angatengere chakudya, momwe angakhalire, apulumuka. Choncho, nthawi zambiri timachita zoipa, ngakhale zoipa, pamene tikutsogoleredwa ndi zolinga zamkati, ngakhale pamene ife timayesetsa mwadala kuchita zonse mwa njira yawo.
Mibadwo yambiri ya ana a zaka makumi atatu omwe alipo tsopano apindula ndikuyang'ana makolo awo. Ndipo chidziwitso chawo, monga lamulo, chinayankhula chinthu chimodzi: ndikofunikira kuti banja likhale losafunika (sizinali za chikondi). Pansi pa "njira zonse" amamvetsa zambiri. Ingokhululukidwa zambiri: chiwembu, kuledzera, nyumba yaing'ono, ngakhale malipiro apansi, kukangana ndi apongozi apongozi / apongozi awo. Ndipo zonsezi ndi kudzilungamitsa nthawi zonse: chirichonse chifukwa cha ana. Moyo wa banja wotero nthawi zambiri unakhala mayeso. Zinkawoneka kuti ana angakule ndikudzimana kudzimana. Koma anawo amakula, ndipo safulumira kukwatira, kukwatiwa kapena kukhala ndi ana. Iwo sali okonzekera moyo wa banja woterowo, ku mayeso oterowo. Iwo sali ofooka. Iwo ndi oona mtima paokha ndipo amafuna kukhala oona mtima ndi ana amtsogolo. Ndi mkaka wa amayi, iwo amadziwa kuti kusudzulana n'koipa. Kodi ndi chifukwa chakuti safulumira kudzisokoneza ndi banja, kuti amawopa kukhala ana oipa pamaso pa makolo awo, kuti safuna kukhala makolo oipa pamaso pa ana awo?
Sungani ukwati kapena mumasudzulana? Kusankha kumatsimikiziridwa kokha ndi kukula kwa udindo. Ndipo sindinganene kuti m'badwo wamakono wazaka makumi atatu ndi zitatu uli wosasamala pankhani ya ukwati. M'malo mwake, m'malo mwake: amamvetsetsa luso lawo ndikudziŵa bwino lomwe, ndi ndani, momwe, nthawi ndikuti akufuna. Zomwezo zikhoza kunenedwa za kusudzulana.