Ngakhale pali amuna ndi akazi, mafunso okhudza kutsutsa sadzasiya kukhala oyenera. Ndipo kumvetsetsa zifukwa, kupeza cholakwika cha kusakhulupirika, onse okwatirana amafuna, mosasamala omwe adasintha. Azimayi ochulukirapo amakhulupirira kuti palibe mabanja omwe palibe kusintha, ndipo ngati sali tsopano, iwo adzalowanso, omwe ali m'masautso a moyo wa banja kapena mavuto a amuna akuluakulu. Kusokonezeka kwa zaka za moyo wa banja - mutu wa nkhani yathu lero.
Pali mavuto atatu apabanja, omwe nthawi zambiri amatsutsana.
Woyamba - m'chaka chachitatu cha moyo wa banja, ndipo, makamaka, chifukwa chofuna kukhala otsimikiza "Kodi pali chikondi?". Mfundo ndi yakuti pambuyo pa zaka ziwiri, pamene malingalirowo anali owala, okhutira ndi osangalatsa, nthawi yothetsa ulesi ndi yamtendere imayamba. Koma aang'ono okwatirana nthawi zonse amafuna kukhulupirira kuti chikondi cha moyo chidzakhalabe chokondweretsa, monga chaka choyamba cha moyo wokhudzana, komanso monga asanakwatirane. Mosiyana ndi zilakolako zathu, malingaliro amapita kumalo atsopano, okhulupilika komanso achifundo kwambiri kusiyana ndi kumayambiriro kwa chiyanjano, koma kuti amvetsetse ndi kuvomereza kuti banjali limakhala lopanda mphamvu. Ichi ndi chifukwa choyamba cha chigololo choyambirira, pali chilakolako chokhalanso kumva mkuntho wa maganizo omwe kale. Panthawi imeneyi, amuna amatha kusintha, chifukwa mkazi alibe nthawi yoti aganizirepo, makamaka ngati mwana wayamba kale kuonekera, ndipo sitingapeze nthawi yopezera wokonda kapena misonkhano. Musaiwale kuti panthawi ino amai amawoneka kuti akuvutika maganizo, kotero iwo sangayang'ane bwino ngati kale, ndipo mwamunayo yekha ndi amene angamuthandize kuchotsa. Koma amuna ali ochepa mphamvu, monga momwe amakhalira kunyumba ndi ana, kotero iwo amatha mofulumira kufunafuna zatsopano.
Nkhani ya kusakhulupirika kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi kwa mkazi kumakhala kovuta kwambiri, ndipo sikutheka kuwoneratu khalidwe lake. Ngakhale amayi omwe ali oyenera komanso otetezeka amatha kuchita nawo zinthu zosayenera. Palibe malingaliro, amafunanso kukhala mwamtendere ndi bata popanda kuthandiza mkazi wansanje, koma mkazi wololera amapeza njira zina zothetsera vutoli.
Kusakhulupirika kwa mwamuna wake kumapangitsa mkazi wanzeru kulingalira za zifukwa ndi kudziyang'ana yekha, m'malo moponya mapepala ndi kulembera kusudzulana. Izo sizikuchitika pambuyo pa zonse, kotero kuti mbali imodzi yokha inali yolakwa. Mwa njira, akatswiri a zamaganizo samalangiza pamene atsegulira kuti ayambe "kuyankhula zakukhosi" ndikuwonetsa mkazi wosakhulupirikayo, ndi bwino kupereka nyumbayo ndi zonse zomwe zikufunikira kumbali. Kuganiza, mkazi amatha kumvetsetsa wokondedwa wake, ngakhale atakhala mwamuna wosakhulupirika. Kodi mungatani ngati amuna kwa zaka zambiri sangathe kudzivomereza okha, kachiwiri akhulupirire mphamvu zawo popanda kuthandizidwa ndi mkazi. Ndipo ngati mkazi wotereyo amasiya kudziyang'anira yekha ndi iye, kunena mawu okonda, monga kale, zomwe munthuyo ayenera kuchita, ngati sakudziwa njira zina zomwe angapezere zomwe akufuna kuposa wokondedwa. Ngati mutapeza chiwembu, onetsetsani kuti palibe chomwe chinachitika, kumusamalira, kumukonda, ndi kuona zotsatira zake, ubwenzi wake ndi mbuye wake udzatha. Ndikhulupirire, pafupifupi mabuku onse, ngakhale ataliatali komanso oopsa, posachedwa kapena kutha, sikuti anthu onse akufuna kusintha miyoyo yawo ndikuyambiranso. Kunyumba, pambuyo pa zonse, pali mkazi wachikondi ndi wokondedwa kwambiri. Kodi mumakayikira kuti mwamuna akhoza kukonda mkazi wake ndi kusintha? Kotero, mwalakwitsa kwambiri, izi ndizotheka.
Pogonjetsa zovuta zonse za vuto loyambalo, musaiwale za omwe akutsatira ndikukhala okonzekera makhalidwe awo.
Vuto lachiwiri limabwera pafupifupi zaka zisanu ndi ziwiri za moyo wa banja, zomwe ziri zofanana ndi zoyamba, kotero n'zotheka kuthetsa maanja omwe "ouma".
Vuto loopsa kwambiri limakhala pa chaka cha 20 cha banja. Chiyeso cha mphamvu ya ubale chimachokera ku mbali ziwiri. Mwamuna amakafika zaka 40, ndipo amadzakhala ndi vuto la midlife, kukonzanso zikhalidwe komanso kufufuza cholinga pamoyo kumamukakamiza kuti asinthe wokondedwa wake, komabe akhalebe m'banja. Mofananamo, mkazi amalingalira za moyo wake, ana amakula ndikukhala moyo wawo, zingawoneke, mutha kudzisamalira nokha kuti maloto anu akwaniritsidwe, koma awiriwo amadziwa kuti ndichedwa kwambiri. Akazi amawoneka pagalasi ndikuyamba kukhumudwa ndi makwinya. Amuna amamva chifukwa cha tsitsi lochepetsedwa ndi mimba yoonekera. Aliyense akufuna kudziwonetsera nokha ndi aliyense kuti si onse omwe atayika ndikugwira. Kawirikawiri, kusudzulana kumabweretsa mavuto, komabe nthawi zambiri zimachitika kuti okwatirana amayamba kukhala moyo wawo mnyumba imodzi.
Sungathe kukhululukira mkwiyo ndi kusakhulupirika, okwatirana akhoza kuthalika, kusiya ana popanda bambo, kukhala popanda thandizo la mwamuna wake mpaka kumapeto kwa masiku akulira usiku ndikugona pabedi lokha. Ndipotu, amuna ali mofulumizitsa kukwatiwanso, ali ndi cholinga choyamba kukomana ndi akazi, koma akazi akale amakhala ovuta kwambiri kupeza mwamuna wachiwiri. Kukhululukira sikuwononga chikondi, banja lingakhale losangalala, monga kale, padzakhala chilakolako.
Pogonjetsa mayesero onse, zovuta za moyo wa banja, pokhululukira zolakwa za okwatirana, mudzakhala ndi banja lolimba, kulemekezana wina ndi mzake ndi chikondi, chikondi chokhazikika.