Kusamvana kuli ndi tanthawuzo zambiri, ndipo aliyense amazimvetsa mwa njira yawoyake. Titha kuzindikira tanthauzo lake ponena za mtundu wa mikangano, kapena tikhoza kuyerekezera makhalidwe ake akuluakulu, motero tipeze tanthauzo lake lonse, lomwe, ndithudi, lidzatithandiza kuti tiwone bwinobwino vutoli. Kufufuza uku kudzachitika malinga ndi mitundu ya mikangano ndi khalidwe la munthu pa nthawi ino.
Kusagwirizana ndi, nthawi zambiri, zochitika za tsiku ndi tsiku, zomwe aliyense amakumana ndi kutali kwake aliyense amamvetsa tanthauzo la mawu awa, pogwiritsira ntchito m'mawu ake a tsiku ndi tsiku. Ichi ndicho mbali yofunikira kwambiri ya kugwirizana pakati pa anthu, zikhalidwe za magulu awo, mawonekedwe a mgwirizano pakati pa zomwe zingakhalepo komanso zenizeni zokhudzana ndi chikhalidwe. Nthawi zambiri kusagwirizana kumagwirizana ndi zofuna zosiyana, zomwe aliyense amakhala nazo pokhudzana ndi chidwi chake, kukwaniritsa kapena kuteteza chisangalalo cha zina mwa zosowa zawo, zomwe zimabisika mukumenyana komwe kwakhalapo.
Ngati tilankhula za zomwe zimayambitsa, zimakhalapo pakati pa anthu awiri ndipo, mwachindunji, sizingapeŵe, ngakhale maonekedwe awo angachepetse. Mikangano ikhoza kukhala yosiyana, nthawi zambiri zochitika zoipa, pamene zingayambitse mikangano, kuwononga mgwirizano ndi kuwonongeka kwa mgwirizano pakati pa ochita masewera. Koma nthawi zina mkangano ukhoza kukhala wofunikira ndikupanga zosowa zina, ndi cholinga chowongolera maganizo awo, nkhanza, pamene mbali zonse ziwiri, kupyolera mu mkangano, zimatengera masewera osamvetsetseka, zokhutiritsa zosowa zomwezo ndi ndalama zawo. Zomwe zimayambitsa mikangano zimachokera kumaganizo ndi m'maganizo mwa omwe akugwira nawo ntchito, makhalidwe, makhalidwe ndi ndondomeko zowonongeka kale, zomwe zimayenda ndi zolinga za makhalidwe, mfundo zina za munthu aliyense.
K. Thomas akufotokoza machitidwe asanu osiyana a makhalidwe pa nthawi ya mkangano: mpikisano, mgwirizano, kuyanjana, kuthawa ndi kusintha. Muzosiyana, machitidwe akhoza kuphatikizidwa, munthu akhoza kuchita molingana ndi digiri ndi mtundu wa mikangano, koma akhoza kukhalanso ndi khalidwe lake lomwelo pakamenyana, zomwe zidzakhale chifukwa cha zikhalidwe za khalidwe lake. Chikhalidwe pa nthawi ya mkangano chikhoza kudalira mkhalidwe, maganizo pa nthawi ya mkangano, malingaliro kwa munthu wina wogwirizana, ndi mtundu womwewo wa mkangano ndi zosowa, ndifunikanso kulingalira zomwe munthuyo akufuna kuti akwaniritse.
Mchitidwe wa kuthawa umagwiritsidwa ntchito pamene vuto lanu si lofunika kwambiri, ndipo mdani wanu ndi wachiwawa ndipo pakati pa zosoŵa zake pali mpikisano ndi wina, mkangano umene simudziwa. Ndondomeko yaukali ikhoza kusankhidwa pokhapokha mutadziwa kuti ali ndi ulamuliro wabwino ndipo anthu ambiri akukuthandizani, nanunso muli ndi chidaliro ndipo mudzatha kutsimikizira kuti ndinu woyenera. Mchitidwe wa mgwirizano ndi wabwino, ndondomeko yomwe muli nayo ndi mdani wanuyo kale ili ndi ubale wogwirizana, ndipo muyenera kuvomereza maganizo ake. Mchitidwe wothandizira ndi kuyanjana ndiwothandiza kwambiri kuthetsa mikangano, ndipo nthawi zambiri, moyenera kwambiri, chifukwa kupeŵa mkangano, sizingatheke kuthetsa izo, monga kukondweretsa si njira yabwino yochitira.
Pa mgwirizano uliwonse, magawo akulu ndi osiyana, omwe ali ndi makhalidwe, zochita ndi zikhalidwe zawo. Gawo loyamba ndikutuluka kwa mkangano, momwe maganizo osiyanasiyana amapangidwira komanso chifukwa cha mikangano. Gawo lachiwiri ndi kusintha kwa kukangana komwe kungakhaleko kwenikweni, pamene mkangano umayamba ndipo aliyense wa iwo akutsatila kale udindo wake mmenemo. Gawo lachitatu - mikangano, zimadalira pazifukwa zosiyanasiyana, choncho zimakhala nthawi yosiyana. Panthawi imeneyi, pamapeto pake n'zotheka. Gawo lotsiriza ndilo gawo lothandizira kuthetsa mkangano, kufotokozera zotsatira, zomwe ziganizo zosiyana zatsatiridwa kale.
Kodi njira zothetsera mikangano ndi ziti? Pofuna kuchepetsa mavuto, sizing'onozing'ono kuganizira maganizo anu, kuti mutha kugwiritsa ntchito chifundo komanso kumvetsetsa mbali yachiwiri, zifukwa zake, chifukwa chake mdani wanu akuchita chimodzimodzi, pamene muli ndi lipenga komanso mwayi, mumvetsetse bwino momwe nkhondoyo inakhalira, yomwe inu mumagwira nawo ntchito ndipo mudzatha kuthetsa mwamsanga mwamsanga. Zikakhala kuti mdani wanu ali ndi nkhanza, mumatha kuona momwe akufunira kuona khalidwe lanu - akuyembekezera kupsyinjika komweko, mkwiyo ndi kuukira. Mukadziwonera izi, dziwonetseni kukhala chete, mwinamwake osaloŵerera m'nkhaniyo - ndipo mutenga zoyamba ndi malo opindulitsa mukumenyana.
Onetsani kuti mumamvetsa interlocutor ndikuvomereza vuto lake, kuti simunatsutsane naye, koma mukufuna kugwira ntchito limodzi ndi iye kuthetsa vuto lina kwa inu nonse, ndipo mukuganizira malingaliro onse. Musamunene kapena woweruza mdani chifukwa chakuti muli ndi malingaliro osiyana - ndi anthu angati padziko lapansi, maganizo ambiri, munthu aliyense amaganiza mwanjira yake, ndipo sitingathe kulipira ndi izi.
Njira yabwino yophunzirira momwe mungathetsere mikangano molondola ndi kukulitsa malingaliro anu ndikuwonetsera ndi kudzudzula. Tangoganizirani kusamvana komwe kwatsimikiziridwa kale kale ndikuyang'ana zolakwa zanu kuti zisawonongeke mtsogolomu, zindikirani.
Pofufuza mkhalidwe wamaganizo ndi kumvetsetsa chikhalidwe chake, titha kuphunzira kuchepetsa zochitika zoterozo, komanso kuwathetsa mwamsanga pamlingo wapamwamba, kotero kuti zofuna za mbali zonsezi zikhale zabwino, ndipo mgwirizano pakati pa anthu amakhalabe pamlingo womwewo kapena ngakhale kuwongolera monga zotsatira kuthekera kuti atuluke ku zovuta zoterezi.