Zimayambitsa
Mwamuna samagonana asanakwatirane nthawi zambiri sikuti ali ndi zovuta kapena zovuta. Ndi anthu olemekezeka okha omwe akuyesera kutha msinkhu wawo mwamsanga ndikuyamba kuchita. Apa nkhaniyi ndi yosiyana kwambiri. Mwachidziwikire, mnyamatayu amangokwatulidwa, ndipo lingaliro lakuti ayenera kukondana ndi limodzi lokha komanso pambuyo pake, pamene akuvomerezana ndi maubwenzi, ndilozikika kwambiri mu ubongo kuti amangoona kuti khalidwe lina lililonse ndilolakwika. Amuna oterewa sagonjera maganizo a anthu ndi mafashoni. Samasamala zomwe ena akunena. Pamene munthu woteroyo akuuzidwa kuti ndi wachilendo ndipo khalidweli silochilendo kwa munthu, sakhala wolungama komanso wamanyazi. Kwa munthu wotero khalidwe lake silokwanira, ndipo ngakhale mochititsa manyazi kwambiri. Iye ndi wonyada kuti amangoona mwachikondi mbali yokhayokha, ndipo thupi silisamala kwambiri. Mwa njira, musaganize kuti munthu uyu ali ndi vuto ndi kugonana. Ndipotu, poyamba, sakudziwa kuti izi ndi zenizeni, choncho zimakhala zovuta kumukaniza. Iye sankagwiritsidwa ntchito nthawi zonse kuti azisangalala ndi kugonana, monga achinyamata ena omwe amakhala ndi moyo wogonana ndi anzawo. Ndipo mfundo yakuti iye samagonana sikutanthauza kuti iye sakufuna. Munthu wotereyo amalimbikitsa chilakolako chake mwadala mwadala ndipo sadzilola yekha kupita kwa iwo pamadzi.
Nthawi zambiri, anthu oterewa ndi okhulupilira omwe akukhala pansi pa malamulo a Baibulo. Kwa iwo ndi mabungwe awo, khalidwe ngati limeneli ndilobwino. Mwachidule, ife, anthu wamba, kawirikawiri tili ndi ubale wotero, kotero khalidwe ili ndilo labwino, ndipo ngakhale kupotoka kwenikweni. Kwa anthu okhulupilira, kugonana musanalowe m'banja kumaonedwa kuti ndiletsedwa. Chaka ndi chaka iwo amapanga lingaliro kuti ndizolakwika kusinthanitsa ilo kwa ambiri, odetsa ndi opusa. Mfundo yakuti munthu amafunikira kugonana komanso kuti pali zinthu zogonana, anthu otere saganizira. Iwo ali ndi chidaliro kuti chikondi chikhoza kugonjetsa zonse, ndipo iwo adzatha kudzilumikizana okha kwa wina ndi mzake ndi mayesero ndi zolakwika. Kuwonjezera apo, anthu oterowo salankhula zambiri zokhudza mfundo za kugonana, kotero iwo sadziwa zambiri zamtunduwu. Choncho, izi zikutanthauza kuti potsata ndondomekoyi ali ndi zokhotakhota, zomwe anthu samafuna kusintha.
Mwa njira, maganizo oterewa sangathe kokha kukhulupirira anthu. Inde, pakati pa anthu wamba awa ndi otsutsa kugonana asanakwatirane, mochuluka, koma nawonso ali. Kawirikawiri anyamatawa amakhumudwa kwambiri atsikana ambiri. Ali ndi zolinga zabwino kwa amayiwa, akufuna kumanga mabanja omwe ali nawo, kulera ana, koma amawona kuti akazi akhala akuthamanga kwambiri, amatha kupandukira, kungoyankhula, kuyenda. Kwa munthu wotero, panthawi yochepa kuti ukwatiwo usasangalatse, akuganiza kuti mtsikanayu wagona kale ndi ndani amene angagone naye. Ndipo kawirikawiri, kugonana, amakhala ndi malingaliro ena kapena amafuna kugonana kokha chifukwa cha kugonana. Kusiyanasiyana kwa anyamata ena omwe sankadandaulapo ndi mafunso ngati amenewa, anthuwa amamvadi. Khalidweli la oimira kugonana okongola kumawakhumudwitsa ndipo limaphwanya ulemu wawo wamwamuna. Mwamunayo sagwirizana ndi lingaliro lakuti ali mmodzi wa ambiri, osati wabwino, wokondedwa kwambiri, waluso kwambiri. Ndicho chifukwa, ngakhale kukhala ndi chidziwitso chogonana, pamphindi pang'ono, munthu wotereyo akhoza kukana kugonana ndipo akukhumba kuti zinachitika pambuyo pa ukwati. Choncho, mnyamatayo amamuyesa mtsikanayo, pofuna kutsimikiza kuti amamufunadi, osati kugonana. Kawirikawiri mawu oterewa amamveka ndi amayi, koma chifukwa cha khalidwe la atsikana ambiri, izi zimawoneka bwino kwa amuna ena omwe ali okhudzidwa kwambiri ndi malingaliro, ali okhawo okhulupirika ndi chidziwitso chowawa kwambiri.
Kodi si zachilendo?
Inde, mwinamwake, tikhoza kunena kuti kukana kugonana kwachiwerewere - izi sizodabwitsa. Ngakhale kuti muli ndi chikondi cha mtundu wotere ndi chikhulupiliro chakuti munthu amakukondani kwenikweni, koma sagwirizana ndi cholinga chogonana, chimodzimodzi, maganizo awa pa zomwe zimachitika pa kugonana sizitsogolera pa zabwino. Choyamba, mnyamata ndi mtsikana angathe kugonana bwinobwino. Ndipo ngati munthu alibe chodziwitsidwa, ndiye kuti kukonza zochitika zatsopano zidzakhala zovuta kwambiri kuposa momwe zikuwonekera. Kuphatikiza apo, mnyamata akhoza kungopeza zovuta. Ngati alibe kalikonse pa kama, ngati amvetsetsa kuti mtsikanayo sakhutira, pakapita nthawi amayamba kudzimva kuti ndi wolephera ndipo akhoza kungotaya chidwi ndi kugonana.
Ngati mwamunayo ali kale zaka makumi awiri, ndipo sanayambe kugonana, ndiye kuti zingakhudze thanzi lake. Zimatsimikizirika kuti kudziletsa kwa nthawi yayitali kumakhudza zomwe zimachitika ndipo pamapeto pake munthu wathanzi angathe kukhala wopanda mphamvu. Tsoka ilo, anthu omwe ali ndi chidaliro cha mfundo zawo, safuna kuti amvetsetse zoona. Amakhala ndi zolinga zawo ndipo sakufuna kumva wina aliyense. Choncho, ngati munthu wopanikizana ndi dolgovzderzhivaetsya wa kugonana, ndiye m'malo mwake amakhala moyo wake wonse m'chikondi, mwachiwonekere, iye adzakhumudwa.
Ngati mwamuna wanu alidi chomwecho, ndiye kuti njira yabwino kwambiri yochotsera vutoli idzakhala yachikwati. Inu simungathe kumukakamiza iye, ndi kuchepetsa nthawi, mwachidziwikire, ndipo palibe nzeru, chifukwa mwachiwonekere amakukondani, chifukwa amuna otere samayamba kukumana monga choncho. Funso ndilo, kodi mumalikonda? Ngati yankho lanu liri "inde", vuto limatheka palokha. Ngati simungathe kuyankha molondola, ndiye kuti, ndi bwino kuyesa maganizo anu kachiwiri ndikuganiza ngati kuli koyenera kudzizunza nokha kapena kuti mutengere bwino, chifukwa uyu si munthu wanu. Ngati mukufuna kuti mukhale ndi iye, khalani okonzekera zomwe mukufunika kupirira musanakwatirane komanso mutatha kupirira mavuto ambiri ogonana. Ndiyeno chinthu chachikulu kuti mukhale oleza mtima, kumvetsa komanso osamutsutsa munthuyo chifukwa cha malingaliro ake ndi mfundo zake.