Buku lokhala ndi mwamuna wokwatiwa ... Kwa ena, izi ndizobwezera, ndipo kwa ena, chinthu cholimbana ndi msilikali wogwirizana ndi maunyolo a Hymenyum akutembenukira kwenikweni pamapeto pake. Sabina Safarova adaphunzira zenizeni za akatswiri azing'anga za zabwino za wina.
Ngati sizinali za opima opaleshoni, sitikanati tidziwe kuti pakati pathu, poyerekeza ndi zikopa za nkhosa zopanda chilema, mimbulu yolusa-osaka amuna omwe ali pabanja-akuyendayenda. Mwinamwake chodabwitsa ichi chinakopeka kwambiri pamene anthu anayamba kugwiritsira ntchito kuthandizira psychotherapeutic. Pambuyo pake, akatswiri a zamaganizo amayenera kuthana ndi "osaka" okha, komanso ndi ozunzidwa awo. Ndipo ngakhale amuna omwe agwidwa pakati pa moto wachiwiri.
Choncho, zinakhala zotheka kukamba za zochitika zazing'ono zitatu zapatuko za chikondi. Komanso, panali ngakhale ziŵerengero zina. Zinapezeka kuti pafupifupi 10 peresenti ya oimira zachiwerewere okondera amakhala okwatiwa. Mwa awa, atatu ndi asanu akusowa akazi okha okwatiwa komanso ena. Ndipo izi zikutanthauza kuti otsala 90% ayenera kuyang'anitsitsa.
Ndizo zokha zokha
Okonda amuna sakhala aufulu - osati nthawi zonse zovuta. Tiyeni tisiye zithunzi izi kudziko la zosangalatsa, chifukwa mu moyo zonse zimakhala zovuta kwambiri. "Mmodzi wa makasitomala anga oyamba, mtsikana wa zaka makumi awiri ndi zisanu ndi ziwiri, amamutcha N., adabwera ku phwando potsutsidwa ndi anzako," anatero katswiri wa zamaganizo ndi katswiri wogonana, Pulofesa Alexander Poleyev. - Malingana ndi N., moyo wake wonse anali ndi mabuku okhawo ndi amuna okwatira, omwe sankasudzulana. Anzake aakazi ankakhala ndi nkhawa kuti N. (pazinthu zina zofunika kwambiri mtsikanayo ndi othandiza komanso woganiza bwino) amawononga moyo wake. N.N. adavomereza kuti akufuna kukomana ndi munthu womasuka, koma okondedwawo "sanamve maganizo ake" komanso ngati anzake omwe sankawadziwa nawo. "
Ambiri "osaka" samakhulupirira kuti amatha kuyesa wokondedwa wawo mokwanira. Amakhala chete pamene mkazi wina "amayamikira" mwamuna, akumkwatira.
Nthawi zambiri zimachitika, mapazi a vuto ili amakula kuyambira ali mwana. Pulogalamuyi imasonyeza kuti nthawi zambiri okonda amuna okwatira analeredwa ndi amayi amodzi omwe sankawakonda kwambiri, "akutero Pulofesa Poleyev. - Patapita nthawi, pokambirana ndi atsikana okhwima, zimawonekeratu kuti ambiri azindikira kuti bambo awo alibe. Anthu amene anakulira m'banja lathunthu anadandaula za makolo ozizira, osatetezedwa. " Malinga ndi wothandizana nane, ambiri mwa amayiwa adavomereza kuti samvetsa komanso amaopa amuna. Ndipo, chifukwa cha zimenezi, musakhulupirire kuti angathe kuwonetsa wokondedwa wawo. Amakhala odekha pamene malo ake amtundu wamwamuna amadziwika ndi mkazi wina, kukhala mkazi wake.
ALENA, ZAKA 28
"Ndakhala ndikukhala ndi mwamuna kwa chaka, amene anasiya chifukwa cha chikondi chathu kuchokera ku banja. Ndipo ndi zovuta kwambiri. Anasiya zonse kwa mkazi wake ndi ana ake, ndipo timayamba moyo wathu pachiyambi. Mkazi wake wakale sankagwira ntchito ndipo amangogwira ntchito ndi ana ake. Ndipo iye, akudzimva kuti ndi wolakwa, yemwe amaukweza mwaluso, amayesa kuchita zonse kuti akhalebe ndi moyo wabwino. Kaŵirikaŵiri potsalira za maubwenzi athu. Pamene ndimayesa kumuwonetsa kuti nthawi zambiri amangomunyengerera, amawombera. Amayi anga okondedwa samalankhulana nane, chifukwa ndinakhumudwitsa abambo ake aakazi, ndinachotsa bambo anga kwa iwo. Pa nthawi yomweyo, sitingathe kuyambitsa ana athu. Zimapweteka ana ake aakazi, ndipo bajeti yathu yatsopano sidzapulumuka maudindo atsopano azachuma. Koma ndidakondwa kwambiri kuti tili pamodzi. Koma nthawi zina ndimamvetsera mwachidwi mmene banja lake lakale linkakhalira pakati pathu. "
"Azimayi omwe tikukamba nawo, kufunika koti amuna atetezedwe ndi" kubwezeretsedwa "kwa udindo wa abambo awo m'miyoyo yawo," anatero Maria Suvorova, yemwe ndi psychoanalyst. Mulimonsemo amayesa kupeza zomwe akusowa muubwana, kotero amakhala okhudzidwa ndi amuna olemera omwe amakhala okalamba komanso omwe amaganiza bwino. N'zosadabwitsa kuti nthawi zambiri, iwo ali okwatira. "Ngakhale kuti zikuoneka ngati chinyengo, akazi oterewa ali otetezeka kwambiri," Maria Suvorova adanena. - Kwenikweni, ngakhale pa chifukwa ichi akuwopa kukumana ndikupanga mgwirizano ndi anzawo, omwe nthawi zina amakhala osagwirizana ndi osakhazikika. Kuwonjezera apo, ndizokwatirana kuti okwatirana aziphunzitsana. Akazi amaphunzira kukhala olimbikira, odzidalira kwambiri. Amuna mosadziwa amaphunzira maphunziro a zofewa ndi kusinthasintha. Izi zikutanthauza kuti, posankha mwamuna wokwatiwa, komanso makamaka kukhala ndi mwana, "atsikana osakwatiwa" amapeza munthu wochuluka, wosamalira komanso womvetsa bwino. "
Mphete ya Ukwati sizokongoletsa kosavuta
Palinso chinthu chomwe chimagwirizanitsa "osaka" athu. Mosiyana ndi amayi ambiri omwe, kuti adziwulule okha kugonana, atenge nthawi, atsikanawo "akuphuka" pabedi pafupifupi nthawi yomweyo. Ndipo ali wamng'ono kwambiri - nthawi zambiri mpaka zaka makumi awiri. Komabe, monga zophweka kuganiza, zimapereka kuti wokwatiranayo akwatira. "N'zosadabwitsa kuti amuna ndi abambo anga sanalemere, ambiri mwa makasitomala anga ankawonetsa kuti anali ozizira kwambiri," anatero Alexander Poleyev. - Ndikokuti, kugonana kwawo kunalipo molingana ndi mfundo: zonse kapena kanthu. Ndipo "zonse" - ndi mwamuna wokwatiwa basi. " Zimakhala ngati akazi awiri akukhala m'thupi limodzi. Chimodzi chimakhala chopanda chidziwitso, chimzake chimakhala chopanda malire. Mwamsanga pamene heroine wathu amakomana ndi munthu yemwe ali ndi mphete pa mphete - yoyamba imadzuka. Kwa ena onse opempha, iye ndi woposa kukhumudwa kwa maganizo. Akatswiri ena amaganiza kuti chisankho chothetsa chilakolako chogonana chimachitikadi.
Akatswiri ofufuza ku America anayeza momwe akazi amachitira zogonana, omwe adayesedwa, osati pokhapokha podziwa kudziyesa okha, komanso mwa njira zamagetsi: kuchoka ku bodza la electroencephalogram lopanga kompyuta. Ndipo ziwerengero zomwe zinagwirizanitsidwa ndi "chinthu chokhumba" ndi zina, osakwatirana, zimasiyana mochulukitsa nthawi. Ndikoyenera kuti tipeze kufanana ndi fetishist omwe samakumana ndi mkazi ndi gawo limodzi la chisangalalo chimene amamva akamapachika chinthu chofunikila cha chimbudzi chake m'manja mwake. Koma ndizochitika, pamene chikoka chimodzi chimayambitsa mphepo yamkukhumba, ndipo ena onse samakhudza mwanjira iliyonse, ndipo amapanga maziko a kugonana kwachisembwere - kupambana-kusankha. Pachifukwa ichi, udindo wa fetasi ukuchitidwa ndi mphete yaukwati pa chala cha hero.
OLGA, ZAKA 29
"Mu moyo wanga pakhala pali mayina awiri omwe ali ndi amuna okwatira. Chabwino, kodi mungachite chiyani? Palibe aliyense wa ife amene amatha kuchita izi. Mu moyo, sizingatheke kuti mutha kuchita molakwika komanso moyenera, ngati simukufuna kudzikana nokha mafotokozedwe a zamoyo ndikumverera. Mabuku awiriwa anadulidwa pazifukwa zosiyanasiyana. Koma sizinali chifukwa chakuti amunawo anali okwatira. M'malo mwake, zinali zoonekeratu m'mabuku awiriwa - sitinali anthu omwe akuyenera kukhala pamodzi. Koma ngati ndikumva kuti uyu ndi mwamuna wanga, ndiye kuti kukhalapo kwa mkazi wake komanso ana sakanandimitsa. Sindimakhulupirira kuti kungoganiza kuti ndi udindo wokha basi, ndiye kuti munthu akhoza kumanga ubale wathunthu. Chifundo chonyenga choterocho chimangokhala chowononga. "
Ndipo komabe iwo ndi osiyana
Akatswiri ofufuza za maganizo a ku America Robin Norwood ndi Patrick Carnes adawonanso chinthu china chofunikira. Okonda abambo amagawidwa m'magulu awiri: ena akufuna kukwatira, ena samatero. Pachiyambi choyamba, chirichonse chiri choyenera, ngati sichoncho ndi mfundo za makhalidwe abwino, ndiye ndi zochitika zogwirizana ndi zochitika. Iwo akuyesera kuti apambane mwa mtundu wankhondo ndi "heroine wovala korona" - mkazi wake. Ndipo mwazoonadi zonse ndi zopanda pake zimatenga mpando wake wachifumu. "Akazi oterewa amafuna kukwatiwa ndi wosankhidwa, adzikonzekeretsa kuti akwaniritse cholinga chawo," anatero Robin Norwood. -Ndinatopa ndikudabwa ndikudziletsa komanso kupirira. Ndipotu, maubwenzi ndi munthu wokwatira nthawi zambiri amakhudzidwa ndi zovuta komanso ngakhale manyazi: amatha kumapeto kwa sabata limodzi ndi banja lake, maulendo ndi osowa ndipo nthawi iliyonse ikhoza kuthetsedwa. Koma iwo amavutika chirichonse. Ndipo ngati amayi ena ambiri amavutika ndi izi, ndiye kuti makasitomala anga amachiritsidwa. Panthawi imeneyi, amamva kuti akumulimbikitsa kwambiri komanso akusangalala. "
Ubale ndi mwamuna wokwatira nthawi zambiri umagwirizanitsidwa ndi zovuta, koma mavuto "osaka" amapatsa mphamvu ndi chisangalalo.
Komabe, pamene heroine wathu adakwatirana, makamaka ngati wosankhidwayo ali wamkulu, wodziwa zambiri komanso ubale wake ndi wapafupi, umasinthidwa. Kukayikira koyambirira, kudzimva kwa kusowa chikondi, kumene iye anavutika kale kalankhulidwe, kumatha kwathunthu. Pulofesa Patrick Karnes anati: "Pogwiritsa ntchito ukwati umenewu monga zosangalatsa za ana osangalala komanso" kupeza "zinthu zambiri zomwe sanalandire ali mwana, makasitomala anga anayamba kukula mwamsanga." "Pambuyo pa zaka ziwiri zokhala ndi banja losangalala, sizinali zofooketsa komanso zowopsya anthu omwe ndinkawadziwa kale. Iwo anasintha ndipo ndithudi anachotsa mavuto a ana awo. Komanso, patapita nthawi akhoza kukhala ndi chifundo chachikulu pakati pa anzako. Ndipo osakwatiwa. Nthaŵi zina chikondi chobwerezabwereza chomwecho chinadza patali kwambiri moti akazi okhawo anachoka kwawo, amuna ogonjetsa omwe anali atagonjetsedwa kale. "
Zimatuluka, kugwiritsa ntchito mwamuna wokwatiwa ngati chilolezo chamatsenga, heroine wathu amachiza kuledzera kwake. Ndipo, monga mwana wamkazi wamkazi wa chikhomo, ataukitsidwa ku tulo ta mfiti ndi kalonga wogwira ntchito, akuyamba moyo watsopano. Kuyambira tsopano, iye sakusowa mkazi wochokera kunja kuti atsimikizire kufunika kwa wolemekezeka wosankhidwa, kumukwatira iye kamodzi-iye adzazichita yekha. Ndipo mabala auzimu kuti athe kuchiritsa kawirikawiri achoka kale amuna. Komabe, nkhaniyi ndi yosiyana kwambiri.
MARINA, ZAKA 26
"Inde, ndinali ndi mabuku ndi amuna okwatiwa. Koma sindinganene kuchokera ku moyo wabwino. Tiyeni tiwone izi: m'dziko lathu, chiwerengero chodziwika bwino cha amai. Amuna basi alibe zokwanira, ndipo n'zosadabwitsa kuti wina woyenera, akugwa m'munda wa masomphenya anu, ali wokwatira. Kawirikawiri, ngati mumangoganizira za amuna omwe ali mfulu, pali chiopsezo chokhala nokha. Zikuwoneka zosayenerera, koma ndi zoona. Inde, ndikufuna kuti wina ndi mkazi wanga asudzulane kale, ndipo ngakhale bwino kuti ndikhale ndi banja lolemetsa. Ndikuyembekezadi pamsonkhano woterewu. Koma chinthu chachikulu kwa ine ndikumvetsabe. "
Mkwatibwi Wothawa
Pamodzi ndi atsikana-osaka, kuthamangitsa amuna odzisunga monga masewera okondedwa kwambiri, palinso gulu lina la okondedwa okwatirana. Moyo ndi wosankhidwa wake pansi pa denga limodzi samawayesera iwo konse, kuphatikizapo ukwati. Ndicho chifukwa chake mwamuna wokwatiwa, akuti, ali pafupi. "Ndizo za khalidwe lapadera, lomwe timatcha psychostension," anatero Alexander Poleyev. - Zimachokera ku kufooka kwa maganizo. Ndipo izi sizikugwirizana ndi kuyandikira kapena kusowa kudzidalira. Kawirikawiri, psychostenics ndi okongola ndipo ngakhale anthu okondana omwe amangokhala ochepa chabe kuposa ena omwe amafunikira awo, osasokonezeka. " Chifukwa cha chilungamo, ziyenera kunenedwa kuti mu cholota chachilengedwe cha anthu otchuka a psychostaining, akazi amachepera kawiri kuposa amuna (4-5% poyerekeza ndi 12-13%). Amayi ndi amai omwe amavutika maganizo kwambiri nthawi zambiri amafunika kukondana kwambiri ndi amuna okwatirana, chifukwa zochitika zoterezi zimapatula mwayi wokhala pamodzi. "Izi nthawi zambiri zimakhala zosankha zosadziwika," imatsindika Maria psychovalyva Maria. - Mkazi amangomva kuti kukhala pamodzi ndi mwamuna, kumusamalira, kulankhulana nthawi zonse kumamuvuta. Ndipo kugwirizana ndi mwamuna wokwatira kumakupatsani inu kuthawa kuchitidwe wachikhalidwe cha chiyanjano muukwati wa alendo. "
"M'dziko lathu, mkazi wosakwatiwa wochokera mu msinkhu wina amayamba kukayikira. Ndiyeno nkhani ndi mwamuna yemwe ali wolemedwa ndi banja amatha kukhala wopulumutsidwa, - amakhulupirira Alexander Poleyev. - Mtsutso "Ndimkonda iye ndipo sindikufuna kuti ndikhale ndi wina aliyense, ngakhale ndizosatheka kuti ndikhale ndi wokondedwa wanga" mwambo wathu, pamodzi ndi gulu lake lachikhulupiliro chachikazi, satsutsidwa.
N'zosangalatsanso kuti akazi, mosiyana ndi amuna, psychosis ali ndi udindo wopita ndi zaka 30-35 ".
Komabe, tsopano akaziwa sali ochepa kwambiri kuyesa anthu otanganidwa. Ndipo ndikukuthokozani pano nkofunika kunena poyamba pa banja la alendo, zomwe abwenzi sakuyenera kukhala pamodzi.
Ndiyeno chiani?
"Alenje" amatsutsana pa ubale umene sakuwakondanso. Iwo, monga chirombo chotopetsa, akhala akudzikuta kwa nthawi yaitali, ndipo motero amakhala osatetezeka.
Zili choncho, nkhani zomwe tazitchula pamwambazi sizikhala zosangalatsa kwambiri, pamene aliyense, kuphatikizapo amene amachoka pa dzina la chibwenzi chatsopano, amakhutira. Monga lamulo, mkazi wonyengedwa ndi ambuye amva ululu, ndipo mwamunayo mwiniwake ali pamalo osadziwika. Ndipo, monga momwe olemba masewera amasonkhana amanena, kawirikawiri achigoloti oterewa amathera mosiyana ndi mbuye wawo. Kodi iwo omwe ali okhudzidwa ndi zovuta izi amachita chiyani? Mfundo yakuti ambirife sitimakonda kwambiri - kuyesa miyoyo yawo moona mtima komanso moona mtima, monga momwe anzanga amachitira. Atsikana omwe amakondana ndi amuna osasunthika akukhala chikhalidwe cholimbikira, m'pofunika kuzindikira kuti amayamba kulanda okha. Kotero, ufulu wakupanga kusankha kwakukulu, ndiko kuti, woyamba kukwatira wosankhidwa, waperekedwa kwa mkazi wina pasadakhale. Ndipo amadzipeputsa mwayi kuti apeze munthu yemwe mungathe kukhala naye pamodzi mokondwera, osakondana kuona omwe sanakwatirane chifukwa cha "zosautsa" mwangozi.
Tonsefe tifunikira kukumbukira kuti "osaka" ndiwo mtundu wina wa nkhalango. Ngati tipitiriza kufanana, ndiye kuti ayesa, poyamba, pa ubale umene ena adasiya kuyamikira. Ndipo iwo, monga chirombo chotopetsa, akhala akudzimbiritsa kwa nthawi yaitali, motero amakhala osatetezeka kwambiri.
KATYA, ZAKA 31
"Nthawi zonse ndinkangokhulupirira anthu omwe, asanakwanitse zaka makumi atatu, sanakwatiranepo. Ndipotu, iwo ndi mimbulu yosatha-osakwatira: samangokonda maubwenzi. Sasowa banja, ana, kapena udindo. Kukhala ndi mwamuna yemwe anasiya iwe chifukwa cha banja sali shuga: mwinamwake, mzimayi wakale akupitirizabe kukhala mayi wa ana ake, ndipo palibe yemwe adatenga udindo kwa ana awa kuchokera kwa iye. Koma ine ndikuyandikiranso kwa munthu yemwe saopa udindo umenewu. Ndipo ana ochokera kumbuyo kwa ine sikuti ndilepheretsa. "
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