Nchifukwa chiyani zimakhala zovuta kwa ife kukambirana za kugonana ndi wina ndi mnzake?

Kuti muzisangalala ndi kugonana, muyenera kukambirana za kugonana ndi mnzanu. Inde, apa mawu oti "kugonana" amalembedwa kawiri - ndi nthawi yoti aziyankhulana za izo poyera.

Ofufuza a ku Oxford adatsimikizira kuti akazi amalankhula makamaka amuna. Ife timatchula mawu zikwi 20 tsiku tsiku motsutsana ndi owerengeka awo osachepera 13,000. Ndikudabwa chifukwa chiyani ndi talente yotereyi, ndi kovuta kuti tizinena "za izi" ndi mwamuna wathu?
Zowonjezera, chifukwa patsiku lomwe timakhala ndi mazokambirana angapo, timatha kukambirana za moyo wathu wa anzathu pa chakudya chamadzulo ndi bwenzi, ndipo mwachimwene sitimalola kuti munthu alandire telefoni, ndikuthetsa mndandanda wa mafunso osiyanasiyana. N'zosadabwitsa kuti madzulo, pokhala pabedi, tilibe mphamvu kapena mawu oti tiwone zaumwini. Kulongosola koteroko kungakhale kopindulitsa, ngati osati kwa "koma": ngakhale pamene tinali ndi mpumulo, sitidapeze mawu oyenerera kukambirana za moyo wapamtima. Nanga ndi mau ati omwe mukufuna kuti muyankhule za kugonana?

Chiphunzitso cha zitatu zitatu
Mwinamwake, katswiri Lomonosov anayesera pachabe, pamene adalenga chiphunzitso chake ndi kulingalira kuti ndi zida ziti za chiyankhulo zingakhale bwino kwa izi kapena izi. Ngakhale kuti ntchito yake yopititsa patsogolo chilankhulidwe cha bukuli ndi yamtengo wapatali, sanapindule ndi kulankhula. Chabwino, palibe njira zoterezi mu mphamvu ndi zamphamvu, chifukwa tonsefe tikhoza kukambirana momasuka za mavuto a chikhalidwe cholimba.

Komabe, akatswiri a matenda a psychotherapy amakhulupirira kuti anthu mosadziwa mwadzidzidzi anapanga "bata" zitatu, chifukwa chake timayesetsana kuti tiyankhulane wina ndi mzake. Timakakamizika kugwiritsira ntchito mau ochipatala, kapena mawu achibwalo, omwe ndi amwano. Osati njira yeniyeni yoyenera kwa zosankha izi - zomwe zimatchedwa chinenero cha malemba a akazi. Ndi zopusa kulingalira: pano inu awiri muli, madzulo, kuwala kosavuta, chikondi cha m'mimba. Kenaka akuti: "Wokondedwa, ndikuda nkhaŵa kuti zochita zathu zogonana sizikhala zosasangalatsa komanso zosawerengeka." Ndipo inu mukuti: "Inde, phanga langa pazifukwa zina sakufunanso kutenga ndodo yanu ya jade." Kuyesera kuti mwa njira inayake muchepetse kukhumudwa kwa malingaliro amenewa, monga lamulo, kutsogolera ku zotsatira zomwezo: mumayamba kumvetsera, ndikumayankhulana momasuka, osati ngakhale ana onse omwe anganene za akuluakulu.

Bwanji ?
Sizowonjezera kuti tipeze mawu olondola, pali zina zomwe zimatiteteza kuti tisalankhule za kugonana. Zolinga zamakono zimatumiza zizindikiro zotsutsana: masewero ambiri okhudzana ndi zolaula amawonetsedwa pa TV ndi pa intaneti, pamene kuli kovuta kupeza filimu kapena mndandanda omwe maonekedwe awo angakambirane moyo wapamtima momasuka. Otsogolera ndi owonetsa akuoneka kuti akufalitsa uthenga kwa ife: mukhoza kuchita, simungathe kuyankhula.

Nkhani yokhudza kugonana ndi yongopeka, ngakhale titatha kupeza mawu olondola, sitingathe kuwayankhula mokweza. Kumadzulo, chidwi cha anthu chimakhudzidwa ndi vuto ili: maonekedwe a "Vagina monologues" sizowopsa. Ife tikupitiriza kukhala chete ndi okhulupirika ku miyambo.

Anthu omwe ali ndi mwayi wosasamala za maganizo a anthu akukumana ndi mavuto osiyanasiyana. Kotero, chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu zomwe zimalepheretsa banjali kukambirana za moyo wa kugonana ndizolepheretsa kukambirana. Okonda ena poyamba amakhala osamala m'mawu, oopa kukhumudwitsana. Pamene mgwirizanowu ukuyandikira, mantha nthawi zambiri amatha, koma nthawi zina maanja amamatira pa siteji iyi. Ndipo, nthawizina samakhala osiyana osati pa nkhani zogonana, komanso ku moyo wamumtima wa wina ndi mzake. M'kupita kwa nthawi, mgwirizano wotere ukhoza kukhala wokonzeka.

Kambiranani za kugonana ndikulepheretseratu kugonana. Matendawa a ankhanza a nthawi yathu adakhudza kudzidalira, mtendere wa m'maganizo, ndipo tsopano umapatsa chimwemwe pamoyo waumwini povutitsidwa. Anthu amawopa kuti mwa kukhala okha, iwo sadzakhala osangalatsa kwambiri kwa wokondedwayo. Mwachitsanzo, amuna amaopa kuti safuna nthawi zonse ndipo, motero, angathe. Ndipo amayamba kukhala ndi vuto la chilakolako cha nkhawa chogonana. Komabe, mwa amayi, chidwi chogonana chimachepa, ndipo pakapita nthawi, ngakhale zonyansa zingayambe. Ngakhale kuti sitinali okhutira ndi mwayi wotere ku nyumba ya amonke, timapempha mofulumira akatswiri: chochita chiyani?

Dikishonale yaumwini
Kulankhulana kovuta kuli kosavuta kuchita ndi munthu wapafupi. Choncho, chinthu choyamba chomwe amalangizi amalimbikitsa ndikuphunzira kutseguka. Okonda akhoza kufika pafupi, kuwuza theka lina osati za tsiku lomwe adapita, komanso ngati akugawana zinsinsi. Ngakhale zobisika zaunyamata zidzachita. Pamene chikhulupiliro chimakula, kukangana pakati pa awiriwa, nthawi zambiri, kumachepa.

Ndipo pambuyo pokha mutakhala ndi chidaliro, mukhoza kuyamba kupanga malingaliro anu a kugonana. Moyenera chifukwa palibe zipangizo zomwe zinaperekedwa ndi chinenero chathu zoyenera kukambirana za moyo wapamtima, awiri ndi awiri ayenera kupeza mawu olondola ndi mayesero ndi zolakwika. Kudziwa chinenero cha chikondi ndi ntchito yolenga. Ndikofunika kuti tipeze matanthauzo anu okha, komanso kuti muwabweretse ndi matanthauzo ndi malingaliro omwe awiri a inu mumamvetsa. Kumbali imodzi - ndizosangalatsa, kwina - ndizovuta kuchita, chifukwa palibe njira yodziwonetsera yokonzedweratu. Koma musalole kuti zisakuchititseni mantha. Monga mwa gulu laling'ono, slang ena amapangidwira, ndipo "kugonana" kwanu kwachiwerewere kudzawoneka mwa awiriwa pakapita nthawi. Chinthu chachikulu ndikuti musapewe vuto, musati mulowetse chifukwa chovuta kupeza mawuwo. Ndipo ngati n'kotheka, yesetsani kukambirana nkhani zogonana mosavuta. Ndipotu, akatswiri amisiri okha amachita nawo bizinesi yawo - ali ndi makonzedwe okonzeka, omwe amatsatira. Tiyenera kukhala otseguka monga momwe tingathere, kumvetsetsa, kusamala ndi wokondedwa, kuti tipeze pang'onopang'ono kukambirana za kugonana, ndiyeno nkuyamba kumvetsetsana pang'onopang'ono. Mwa njira, izi zimachitika nthawi zambiri, asayansi ochokera ku yunivesite ya Missouri adapeza: anthu okwatira angathe kunena popanda kukhuza zokhumba zawo ndi zolinga zawo.