Ngakhale mu nthawi zakale, akatswiri afilosofi ndi anzeru ankanena za nkhondo ndi mikangano. Chifukwa chake anthu ankakangana, amamenyana wina ndi mzake, amachititsa nkhanza kwambiri m'mbiri yonse ya anthu, chidwi ndi aliyense. Lero mavuto awa akuphunziridwa, ndipo maganizo awo a chikhalidwe cha anthu amalingaliridwa. Magaziniyi ndi imodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri mu makampani awa. Si chinsinsi kwa aliyense yemwe anthu amagwirizanitsa m'magulu, kumagwirizana, zomwe zimaphatikizapo kuti akumenyana wina ndi mzake, kukangana, ndi makhalidwe ena nthawi zina ndipo amapita mopitirira malire. Sizodabwitsa kuti lingaliro lakumenyana limagwirizanitsidwa ndi maganizo olakwika. Palinso malingaliro omwe ayenera kupeŵa nthawi zonse. Koma kodi zili choncho? Kuti muchite izi, ganizirani za kukangana, kutsutsana, komanso ntchito zawo zoipa komanso zabwino.
M'maganizo, kuthetsa mkangano ndiko kugwirizana kwa kutsutsana, zizoloŵezi zosagwirizanitsa, chidziwitso chimodzimodzi mu chidziwitso, kuyanjana pakati pa anthu kapena magulu pakati pa anthu kapena magulu a anthu, okhudzidwa ndi zochitika zolakwika. Mikangano imabweretsa mikangano, zifukwa zomwe zingakhale zambiri. Zikuwoneka kuti anthu amakangana pazinthu zina, nthawizina pali zifukwa zofunika. Timamvanso kuti kukangana kungasinthe m'njira zosiyanasiyana: ena ndi abwino, ena amatha kukangana pa moyo wawo wonse. Kuti timvetsetse chifukwa chake anthu amatsutsana, chifukwa chake amamenyana nthawi zambiri, tidzakambirana zitsanzo za moyo, ndipo kuchokera apa tidzatsimikizira chifukwa cha mikangano imeneyi.
Mwachitsanzo: mtsikana amakumana ndi chibwenzi chake. Iwo amayenda pamtunda, iye amakhala wodekha, akumwetulira, akuyang'ana patali, akugwira dzanja ndi kuyenda, mwachiwonekere, kuganiza za chinachake. Ali pachisoni, akuda nkhawa kuti akuganiza kuti sakusamala za iye. Ndipo lero samakhala ndi nkhawa kwambiri, samamuyang'anitsitsa, ngakhale kuti wakhala akutalika kwa nthawi yaitali kuti amuyamikire. Ndipo akuwoneka kuti akulota chinthu china. Momwe, chifukwa iye ali, kodi iwe ungakhale bwanji pang'ono pang'onopang'ono? Kenaka akukakamizika ndipo sangathe kupirira, ndikumuponyera mau akuti: "Simusamala za ine nkomwe," akutembenuka kuti achoke. Mnyamata ali wosokonezeka, samvetsa zomwe zinachitika, zomwe anali nazo pamaso pake. Iye akuyamba kukuwa, kupanga zodzinenera, kudziganizira yekha pa chinachake. Iye akuyamba kufuula mmbuyo. Iwo amakangana. Amayang'ana mofulumira ndikusiya.
Tsopano tiyeni tione zomwe zikuchitika. Kodi zifukwa zomwe zimayambitsa mikangano pano ndi ziti? Msungwanayo anakonza izi chifukwa cha kusowa chidwi, komwe kwenikweni. Amamuneneza munthu wamtima wapansi ndipo amafuna kumvetsera kwambiri. Chifukwa chachikulu chimene anthuwa anakangana ndi kusowa kumvetsetsa, ndicho chimodzi mwa zifukwa zowonjezera. Ndipotu, munthuyo ndi wamtendere, koma mtsikanayo samumvetsa ndipo amamuimba mlandu. Kusamvana koteroko sikungapangitse chabwino chilichonse, koma kuti muthe kuthetsa vutoli, muyenera kumvetsa ndi kuvomereza maganizo a munthu wina, osati chifukwa cha zomwe ifeyo tingathe kuziganizira.
Nthawi zina abwenzi amayambitsa zokambirana, kuteteza zofuna zawo ndi zoyenera. Kawirikawiri zokambirana zoterezi zingasanduke mkangano ngati aliyense ayamba kufotokoza maganizo awo, ndi zina zotero. Kukambirana kungapangitse kukhala mkangano wapadziko lonse, kukangana kumene atsogoleri onse akumenyana wina ndi mzake, kuteteza zofuna zawo. Palibe amene akufuna kusiya udindo wake, aliyense akufuna kusintha maganizo ake ndi kupambana, ngakhale nthawi zambiri izi sizingatheke. Maganizo a munthu wina amaoneka ngati ife olakwika, ndipo timayamba kuyesetsa "kukonza cholakwika." Chifukwa chinanso chimene anthu amatsutsana ndi malingaliro ndi zosiyana. Kulakwitsa kwawo ndikuti sangathe kuvomereza munthu wina popanda kuzindikira kuti ndife osiyana, ndipo aliyense ali ndi ufulu woganiza. Ngati mkangano umachitika ndi wokondedwa, ndiye kuti tifunika kumvetsetsa kuti tiyenera kuvomereza ngati momwe ziliri, ngati sitimakonda, koma chinyengo chomwe tinachipangapo? Ngati sitingathe kuvomereza zolinga ndi malingaliro ake, mwinamwake sizomwe tikufunikira?
Anthu akumenyana wina ndi mzake pazifukwa zosiyanasiyana, izi ndizosapeweka. Choncho, sitifunikanso kuphunzira kupewa mikangano ndi mikangano, komanso koposa zonse - kuthetsa mavutowa. Ndipotu, izi ndizofunika kwambiri komanso kugwira ntchito mwakhama. Timaphunzira kuthetsa mavuto omwewo m'moyo wathu wonse. Kodi ndi chiyani chomwe chikufunika kuti muthetse kuthetsa mikangano? Kodi tiphunzire chiyani, ndipo malamulo awa ndi ati? Choyamba: phunzirani kulamulira maganizo anu. Pali nthawi zomwe zimatifooketsa ndipo pali chikhumbo chochotsa zolakwika zonse pa otsutsana - ndiye mikangano ndi ndewu. Ndikofunika kupeŵa zilakolako zoterezi. Pamene mkangano ukupsa chifukwa chosamvetsetsa, chifukwa chake nthawi zambiri sikuti wokondedwa sakufuna kutimvera, koma amadziwa zosiyana. Kulankhulana mobwerezabwereza wina ndi mzake, kukambirana momasuka za zikhumbo zanu. Monga yankho - yang'anani zosokoneza, ganizirani maganizo a munthu wina, ziribe kanthu momwe zinaliri zovuta.
Timadzifunsa tokha chifukwa chake anthu amakangana, kulimbana ndi kumenyana. Zinthu izi zokhudzana ndi maubwenzi zimatizungulira ife, nthawi zambiri timakumana ndi mikangano, zakhala mbali yofunikira pamoyo wathu. Ndikofunika kuti amvetsetse zifukwa zawo zomwe zimapezeka nthawi zambiri, komanso athe kuyanjana molondola. Munthu ayenera kukumbukira nthawi zonse kuti ndifunika kudziletsa ndi kumvetsera maganizo a munthu wina, kugwirizana ndi iye, kufunafuna zinthu zotsutsana ndi zomwe amakhulupirira, moyo umakhala wosavuta, komanso maubwenzi abwino, chifukwa izi ndizofunikira kwambiri.