Kodi mungapeze "mankhwala" a maukwati osasangalala? Sindikufuna kwenikweni kuganizira "mgwirizano wopatulika wa mitima ya chikondi" mosakayikira kuti adzawonongedwa, mavuto osasinthika, zokhumudwitsa, kusakhulupirika ndi kuzunzika kosatha. Kodi mabanja ena angapeze bwanji chisangalalo ndikusunga kwa zaka zambiri?
Zoona ndi maloto
Chimwemwe muukwati chimayambira kale anthu asanakumane nawo theka - ndi maloto a kalonga, ndi maloto a mwamuna wabwino kapena mkazi wabwino. Ndipo konkire yowonjezereka m'maloto awa, owala adzawonekera mu khalidwe ndi maonekedwe a mkazi wam'tsogolo. Mwa kuyankhula kwina, maloto amakwaniritsidwa.
Komabe, nthawi zambiri anthu amasankha wokondedwa wawo m'moyo osati malinga ndi makhalidwe ndi zizolowezi za munthu, koma malinga ndi zomwe alibe. Zovuta zonse za banja la makolo ndi zithunzi zomvetsa chisoni kuchokera kwa achibale ndi abwenzi apamtima zimagwira ntchito yofunikira pano. Mwachitsanzo, ngati makolo akhala moyo wawo wonse mu umphawi wadzaoneni, ndipo mwanayo amva kukoma kwa manyazi ndi kaduka kuyambira ali mwana, ndiye kuti zingakhale zofunikira kwambiri kuti asankhe theka lake ngati ali ndi ndalama zabwino za wokondedwayo kapena wokhoza kuwonekera. Kapena ngati mwana wakhala akuvutika kwa nthawi yaitali kuchokera kuledzera kapena malingaliro ena a makolo, pali kuthekera kwakukulu kuti mwamunthu wokhala mwamtheradi wamwamuna kapena mkazi wam'tsogolo adzakhale chifukwa chovomerezera kukwatirana ndi munthu uyu.
Maloto amalengedwa ndi "njira yotsutsana", ngakhale kuti amaukitsa anthu okhudzika omwe alibe makhalidwe ndi zizoloŵezi zina, nthawi yomweyo amayang'ana maso a munthu pa zinthu zambiri zomwe ali nazo. Ndizo "zopanda" izi zomwe zimayambitsa kukwiya komanso kusamvana m'banja. Ndipo ngakhale apo nthawi zambiri mumatha kumva uphungu wotere wa akatswiri a maganizo: musamangokhulupirira mnzanuyo, koma mumulandire monga momwe aliri.
Nthawi imapita, ndipo m'banja losapambana anthu amayamba kudandaula kuti maloto amathyoka, chenicheni ndi nkhanza, wokondedwa sangathe kukonzanso, ndipo moyo, umoyo wake, umatha ku fupa. Mkwatibwi wokondwa, anthu amakhalanso osakhutana ndi wina ndi mzake, koma pakadali pano, kusakhutitsidwa kumawonekera mwa iwo osati kukhala kosatha komanso kumangokhalira kukongoletsa kwaukwati, koma monga chinthu chosakhalitsa, kanthawi, chinthu chomwe chiyenera kuchotsedwa, chinachake choti chichitikepo. Palibe anthu awiri ofanana, ndipo abwenzi apamtima nthawizonse amakhala ndi chinachake chomwe chingakhale chokhumudwitsa ndi chomwe chingathe kulakwitsa. Muukwati wokondwa, anthu amaganiza momwe angasinthire malingaliro awo olakwika, osati momwe angasinthire wokondedwa wawo. Iyi ndi njira yokhayo yowonetsera pamodzi maloto "okongola" ndi "nkhanza".
Nkhondo ndi Mtendere
Muukwati wokondwa, komanso m'banja losasangalatsa, pali mikangano. Kusiyanitsa ndikuti muukwati wokondwa nkhondo zazing'ono izi zimapitirira popanda kuika magazi ndipo ozunzidwawo sali ochepa. Chifukwa chiyani? Chifukwa chakuti anthu adadzipezera mwadzidzidzi mbali zosiyana siyana, akudziŵa kuti kwenikweni amakhala mu boti lomwelo ndikusambira kumbali imodzi. Iwo ali ndi zambiri zofanana mosiyana, ndipo cholinga chachikulu cha nkhondo iliyonse si kupambana, ndipo ngakhale chilango kapena kubwezera, koma mtendere, ngakhale mwanjira yatsopano.
Gawo lirilonse liri ndi zofooka zake, pali zokambirana zomwe mosakayikira zimayambitsa mikangano. Ndipo pa nthawi yomweyi, gulu lirilonse liri ndi mwayi kuthetsa mavuto omwe amawoneka osatha. Kodi mungapeze bwanji mwayi umenewu? Akatswiri a zamaganizo amapereka njira zotsatirazi:
• Peŵani nkhondo mwa njira iliyonse
Kuchotsa vutoli , kuthawa kumvetsetsa kwa ubale. Nthawi zina mavuto amawathetsa okha. Ndipo nthawi zina ndi zothandiza kuti mungokhala kutali. Izi, kawirikawiri, zimatanthawuza ku zochitika zomwe hafu ya chinthu chimakhala chokhumudwitsa nthawi zonse mu zizolowezi zina, miyambo, kulawa, ndi zina zotero. Vuto lalikulu apa ndi kuleza mtima ndi kuyang'ana. Kuleza mtima kuchotsa kukhumudwa, ndi kudikirira, kuti mulimonsemo ngati mnzanuyo akuchita zabwino, muthokozeni iye.
• Ngati nkhondo sichitha kukanika, imafuna kuti pakhale mgwirizano
Pachifukwa ichi, akatswiri a maganizo amaganiza kuti munthu ayenera kuyesetsa kumayima pazomwe akumuwona - ngati kuti iwe mwiniwe unali loya womuteteza. Zinthu zodabwitsa zikhoza kuwonedwa pa nkhaniyi! Ndipo pamene kuli kofunikira kuti wokondedwa ayambe kukambirana - chifukwa inu nokha mumayamba kumvetsa. Kuyang'ana pazochitikazo kudzera mwa munthu wina ndi njira yokhayo yothetsera anthu osapitirira malire a anthu awiri kuti akambirane.
• Pomwe nkhondo silingatheke - kumenyana kokha, osati pa nkhondo zonse zapadziko lapansi
Ngati anthu angakhululukire zodandaula zonse ndipo osakhumudwitso kachiwiri, sitikudziwa dziko lino. Kupusa kwa mkwiyo uliwonse ndiko kuti, ngakhale kukhululukidwa, sikungowonongeka kwamuyaya, koma kuli mu moyo, monga phulusa la chizunzo kamodzi chomwe chazunzidwa kamodzi. Ndipo pa mwayi uliwonse wabwino - mkangano, mkwiyo pa munthu wokondedwa kwambiri - mkwiyo umauka kuchokera phulusa ngati mbalame ya Phoenix. Ndipo tsopano maanjawa akutsutsana kale, koma nthawi ziwiri kapena khumi nthawi imodzi, akuiwala kuti chimwemwe cha banja ndi mphotho chifukwa cha mphamvu zomwe zikuwonetsedwa mu nkhondo kuti asakumbukire mabala akale komanso kuti asabwerere ku nkhondo zakale. Mukumenyana kulikonse, akatswiri a zamaganizo amalangizira, ndikofunika kukumbukira zomwe anthu omwe adayambitsa akuyesetsa kuti akwaniritse.
Kuwona Mtima ndi Zokambirana
Banja losangalala ndi dziko laling'ono, lomwe moyo wawo umamangidwa ndi anthu awiri. Ichi ndicho chilengedwe. Chodabwitsa n'chakuti, banja losangalala limapatsa anthu mwayi wopanga moyo womwe akufuna - monga chithunzi chadongo. Koma chiyenera kukhala maziko a moyo uno pamodzi - kutseguka ndi kuwona mtima kapena masewera ndi zokambirana?
Mwinamwake, yankho la funsolo lingapezedwe kuganiza za iwe wekha. Kodi ine ndikufuna kuti ndikuwonetseni dziko lapansi? Kukongola kwake, mphamvu, ulemu, nzeru, malingaliro, kukoma mtima, cholinga - chirichonse chimene chiri chokongola mwa ine. Ndikufuna kuzindikira, ndikufuna kuti ndikukondedwe, ndikufuna kuti dziko lizindiyamikire.
Ndikufuna kubisala chiyani? Mwinamwake tsitsi lopukuta kapena mapaundi owonjezera , ulesi, kukhumudwa, kudzidandaula, kuopa kusungulumwa , mabowo mumasokiti, dothi pansi pa zipilala ndi nsapato zodetsedwa - chirichonse chimene ndiri nacho ndipo ine sindichikonda, koma pa chifukwa china ndimakhala ndi ine ndi gawo la ine. Monga weniweni ndi mdima monga mbali ina ya mwezi. Ndipo ndikufuna kuti ena asazindikire mbali iyi yamdima, ndipo ngati atatero, idzaonedwa ngati yopanda pake, yosafunika, yosayenerera, kapena oyenera kukhululukidwa.
Maukwati ogwira mtima ali ofanana ndi omwe anthu omwe ali mmenemo amawona zabwino zonse komanso sizinthu zonse zomwe zilipo pakati pawo. Komanso, okwatirana okondwa ali ndi kulimbika mtima kuti azikondana ndi mtima wonse, kuti azisamalira zinthu zonse zokongola ndikukumbukira nthawi zonse zabwino zamoyo pamodzi. Mwachiwonekere, izi ndi momwe kutsegulira kuyenera kuwonetseredwa - kuti asamaope kuuza munthu wabwino, kusonyeza chikondi ndi chidwi, kuvomereza kuti amamukonda. Chinsinsi ndi chakuti kuseri kwa mawu onsewa kuli malingaliro enieni, osati amwano, "pakuti m'kamwa mumalankhulana ndi kuchuluka kwa mtima." Mawu opanda maganizo, osakhala nawo - opanda kanthu. Iwo alibe kuwona mtima, koma zokambirana zokha.
Ndipo panthawi imodzimodziyo, panthawi yomwe n'zosatheka kusazindikira zolephera, zokambirana zimatha kuthandizira, komanso zokambirana zokha. Masewera ndi zowonjezera zowona zimayesedwa kuti ndizosafunikira, koma, komano, ndi cholakwika chotani poletsa chikondi chodzikonda cha wokondedwa? Kunena za chokhumudwitsa sichoncho, "monga kutentha", ndi mowa pang'ono, mwamphamvu kwambiri. Pamapeto pake, yesetsani kuyanjana.
Chimwemwe muukwati chiyenera kusungidwa, kuyesetsa mwakhama. Kodi ndi zinthu ziti zomwe zingakhale zosavuta komanso nthawi imodzi zovuta kusiyana ndi kupeza zomwe zimayambitsa mikangano ndikuzichotsa? Ndi zophweka - simukufunikira ngakhale kunyamula chala kuchokera kwa munthu pano. Koma izi ndi zovuta kwambiri, chifukwa zimatanthauza kufunika kopeweratu kudzikuza ndi kudzikonda, kusintha maganizo a munthu, "kukonda wina monga iwe mwini." Mu zoyesayesa zosawoneka pali mwayi waukulu kwa maukwati onse. Popeza kuti gulu lirilonse limakhala nthawizonse, limakhala ndi zosankha - likhale ngati mabanja ena okondwa, kapena "osasangalala ndi njira zawo," monga Leo Tolstoy adanena.