Kwa zaka zikwi ziwiri zokha, anthu anayamba kulalikira za ukwati wokwatirana. Kwa zaka zambirizi, anthu akhala akuyenda bwino poyesera kuthetsa chikhalidwe cha amuna ambiri. Ndipo kutsutsana ngati maganizo a "kugonana kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi" amaperekedwa mwachibadwa kapena kuperekedwa ndi anthu sakhala mpaka pano. Zikuwoneka kuti ndi amayi okha omwe amapereka kufalitsa mauthenga a banja ndikwati pang'ono, chifukwa iwo akufunadi kukwatira mwamuna wawo wokondedwa, kulera ana pamodzi ndi kufa tsiku limodzi. Lingaliro la kukwatirana kwaokha kwa ma suti ambiri opanda chikaiko mosakayikitsa, ichi ndi chifukwa chake malingaliro a maganizo a amuna ndi akazi mu ubale wa banja sangathe kutchulidwa chimodzimodzi.
Mu chilengedwe, pali mitundu yambiri ya zinyama - zonse zowonongeka komanso zowonjezera bwino - zomwe zimakhala zachilengedwe zokha zachilengedwe kuti apangidwe awiriawiri. Mimbulu, ziphuphu zamagetsi, swans, mitundu ina ya atsekwe ikhoza kumakhala ndi bwenzi limodzi ndi moyo wawo wonse, ndipo nthawi zambiri amakhalabe wokhulupirika ngakhale atamwalira. Koma ngakhale nyama zosagwirizana zimakhala ndi "makope" omwe angasinthe magawo awo ndi akazi ena. Amuna omwe amachititsa kuti chiwonongeko cha anthu okwatirana olimba, atsekwe, mimbulu ndi nyama zina zomwe akatswiri a zoopsychologist amagwiritsa ntchito, zimakhala m'gulu laling'ono kwambiri la ziweto. Monga anthu, zinyama zili ndi chifaniziro cha "khalidwe lachiwiri": mwamuna amatha kulavulira "mkazi" wake, akazi amawakhululukira kwambiri.
Anthu, ndithudi, akhala kutali ndi zinyama pakukula kwawo. Koma sizimagwirizana ndi zikhalidwe za amuna ndi akazi pa maudindo a banja. Azimayi nthawi zambiri amakhala achibale, amatha kukhala chinthu chokhacho, amayesetsa kuganiza kuti akufunafuna mwamuna, ndikumusunga pafupi. Mkhalidwe wa mkazi wokwatira mmudzi ndi wapamwamba kwambiri kuposa udindo wa mkazi wosudzulana kapena wosakwatira. Kwa amuna, nthawi zambiri safunikira ukwati. Ndipo ngati akwatirana, nthawi zambiri amalingalira kuti banja lawo ndizowonjezera phindu lawo kuzinthu zawo kunja kwake.
Vuto lalikulu la banja m'mabanja ndilo chifukwa chakuti amai ali ndi zibwenzi m'banja nthawi zambiri amakhala otetezeka. Mkazi amayembekeza kuchokera kwa mwamuna chinthu chomwecho chomwe akukonzekera kuti abweretse m'banja, ndipo bamboyo nthawi zambiri samakonzeka. Akatswiri a zaumulungu amadabwa nthawi zonse, ndi zifukwa zenizeni zotani kuti mwamuna akwatira. Amayi ambiri akhoza kukhumudwa ngati aphunzira kuti cholinga chachikulu cha mwamuna kuti apange banja ndi kuyesa kugonana pogwiritsa ntchito mkazi yemwe amawakonda pabedi lake. Izi zikutanthauza kuti pofuna kusunga banja, kuthekera kuphika borscht ndikusamba machira si chinthu chofunikira kwambiri. Chofunika kwambiri ndi kuthekera kwa mkazi kukhalabe ndi ubale wa banja ndi msinkhu wokwanira wa chilakolako ndi chisamaliro, kumunyengerera munthuyo m'njira ndi nthawi yomwe amalota. Ndipo apa palibe chikhalidwe choyambirira kapena chiwonetsero chophweka chaukwati. Inde, amuna ali ndi zolinga zofunikira ngati kulandira choloŵa choloŵa choloŵa nyumba, nyumba yabwino komanso chakudya chamadzulo. Mwachidule iwo ali achiwiri, ndipo mu moyo wa mwamuna wokwatirana iwo sali pamalo omwewo omwe akazi amapatsidwa.
Ziwerengero zimasonyeza kuti amuna amakwanitsa kukwaniritsa zolinga zawo. Amuna okwatirana, ngakhale atakhala okhulupilika ku magawo awo, agonana mobwerezabwereza kuposa abambo. Ziribe kanthu momwe bachelor amavomerezera kuti akugonjetsa pachigonjetso cha chikondi, ndipo kwenikweni kuti amukoka mkazi kumubambo iye amatha kuchepetsa nthawi zambiri kuposa wokwatirana naye. Choncho zimasintha kuti amuna akwaniritse zomwe akukwatirana - moyo wathanzi komanso wolimba kwambiri.
Nanga bwanji za akazi? Azimayi nthawi zambiri amakhumudwa ndiukwati pambuyo paukwati. Maganizo a amuna ndi akazi mu ubale wa banja ndi osiyana, ndipo mwamunayo ndi wokonzeka kulipira ukwati chifukwa cha kugonana, ndipo mkaziyo ndi wokondwa kupereka mwamuna kuti agwire naye banja. Ndipo ngati mutapereka malumbiro a kukhulupirika mu ofesi yolembera mderalo, mkaziyo amasiya, amalephera kulipira mokwanira kugonana, ndipo amayamba kulimbikitsa kwambiri mbali zina za moyo wa banja, nthawi zambiri amayesedwa ndi mayesero aakulu. Kafukufuku womwewo amasonyeza kuti palibe amuna oposa 20% okonzeka kuganizira mkazi wawo ngati bwenzi lawo lapamtima. Iwo angasankhe bwenzi lake payekha, chifukwa safuna kuphunzira kusiyana pakati pa mwamuna ndi mkazi, malingaliro a amayi nthawi zambiri amawakwiyitsa kapena samawapangitsa kuti apitirize kulankhulana mtima pamtima. Mwamuna angathe kulankhulana momasuka ndi mkazi wake pa zokambirana zapakhomo, ndipo ngati atha kukambirana mpaka usiku usanakwatirane, ndiye kuti pambuyo paukwati, mkazi nthawi zambiri amakhumudwa kuti mwamuna wake sakufuna kulankhula naye.
Mukhoza kuthana ndi kusiyana komwe mumakonda: kukwiya, kusudzulana, kusankha kusungulumwa, yesetsani kusintha khalidwe la mwamuna kapena mkazi. Koma njira yabwino kwambiri yoti anthu awiri apange banja lolimba ndi losangalala ndi kuphunzira psychology ya amuna kapena akazi, kufunafuna njira zomvetsetsana. Mayi ayenera kulingalira mosamala za chilakolako cha kugonana kwa wokwatirana naye. Mwamuna ayenera kuyang'ana njira yolankhulana ndi mkazi wake, ngakhale atatopa ndipo alibe nthawi yokhala ndi vuto lina lililonse kupatula ntchito. Pokhapokha ngati awiriwo ali ndi mwayi wokwaniritsa mgwirizano wawo. Ndiponso, musaiwale kuti m'nthawi yathu ino, kukana kukana ukwati sikudodometsa aliyense. Kotero onse awiri mwamuna ndi mkazi akhoza kukhala okha ali ndi chikumbumtima choyera komanso mopanda kuweruzidwa pa gawo la anthu, ndipo chikondi chimayesedwa mwachidwi, nkhani zotsatizana. Pamapeto pake, ngati pali munthu woyenera, moyo wa banja umapangidwa wokha, ndipo sudzakhala limodzi ndi sitampu pasipoti.