Ubale wapamtima ndi mwamuna wakale pambuyo pa chisudzulo umachitika nthawi zingapo.
Choyamba, monga momwe akudziwira, khalidwe la anthu pambuyo pa kusudzulana lingagawidwe mu mitundu itatu. Anthu ena okwatirana amakhala ndi mtanda wamtundu wina wachiwiri kuchokera ku moyo wawo ndipo amakhala mbali ya chisamaliro cha wina ndi mzake. Ndipo enanso amayesa kukopera chikho chosweka. Kawirikawiri ndi chisudzulo chomwe chimapangitsa kuti muthe kumvetsa phindu lenileni la wokondedwa wanu. Maphwando atatuwa amakhala ndi chibwenzi chokwanira pambuyo pa kutha kwa ukwati.
Chachiwiri, kugonana pambuyo pa kusudzulana kumachitika mwa mabanja omwe adasudzulana, koma sanalekanitse. Sikuti nthawi zonse chiyambi kapena mapeto a maubwenzi apabanja amakhala ogwirizana. Chifukwa chakuti kusudzulana, monga ukwati, anthu ambiri amagwiritsa ntchito osati kusintha kokha banja. Kusudzulana kungakhale njira yopsereza, nkhani yothetsa nkhanza, kapena kungowakopeka mtima wosawonekera mphamvu, zomwe zikusowa m'moyo wamba. Ubale wapamtima ndi mwamuna wakale pambuyo pa kusudzulana kaŵirikaŵiri amaperekedwa kwa akazi otere omwe adachoka, koma sadagawane ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo. Inu simungakhoze kunena kuti mkhalidwewu uli wathanzi kwambiri kapena wathanzi wokhazikika. Chowonadi ndi chakuti nthawi zambiri okwatirana amapitiliza kukomana kokha chifukwa cha kugonana. Izi zikutanthauza kuti iwo, pozindikira kusagwirizana ndikulephera kukhazikitsa ubale weniweni, amawathandiza kukhala ndi chiphweka chophweka. Kwa kanthawi izi zingakhale yankho, koma osati kwa nthawi yayitali. Ngati mukufunadi kuchoka ndi kupeza mwamuna watsopano, ubwenzi wapamtima ndi mwamuna wakale uyenera kuyimitsidwa.
Chachitatu, kugonana pambuyo pa kusudzulana kumakhala kotheka ndipo mu maanja amene adagawana adani kapena pa zochitika za ndale. Kawirikawiri izi zimakhala chifukwa cha kufunikira koyankhulana kawirikawiri kuntchito kapena ku kampani ya anzanu. Akatswiri a zamaganizo a ku America amalingalira kuti mwayi wa ubale wapamtima pakati pa anthu omwe kale anali okwatirana, ndi okonda okha, ogwirizana ndi chidziwitso cha onse awiri, opitirira 95%. Ndicho chifukwa chake maanja ambiri amayesa kuchepetsa mauthenga atatha kupatukana. Kapena yesetsani kulankhulana pamalo okhaokha komanso pamaso pa anthu ambiri.
Kugonana pambuyo pa kusudzulana, monga momwe amakhulupirira kawirikawiri kwa akatswiri a maganizo, amabisa mavuto ambiri mmenemo kusiyana ndi chiyembekezo. Chowonadi ndi chakuti nthawi zina kugonana koteroko ndiko kuyesa kutsogolo kwa mtsogolo, kochitidwa ndi mmodzi kapena onse okwatirana kukhumudwa. Kawirikawiri, amayi amavomereza kukhala chidole chogonana m'manja mwa mwamuna wakale ndikuyembekeza kumubwezera kuchifuwa cha banja. Amuna nthawi zambiri amadziwa kugonana pambuyo pa kusudzulana ngati chinthu chachikulu. Chokhumudwitsa kwambiri, ubwenzi wapamtima ndi mwamuna wakale ukhoza kuchitika ngati mwamuna wapita kwa mkazi wina, koma mwa chizolowezi chakale chimapitiriza kugonana ndi mkazi wina wakale. Kwa mkazi, mulimonsemo, gawo loyamba la nkhawa ya pambuyo pa imfa, yomwe imatenga masabata awiri mpaka asanu ndi atatu, kuti apulumuke kuchokera kwa mkazi wakale.
Nthawi zina kugonana pambuyo pa chisudzulo sikugwirizana ndi kuyesa kubweza mkazi kapena kusangalala mpaka mnzanuyo atabwera. Nthawi zina mwamuna ndi mkazi wake amakhala ndi zifukwa zomveka zokhala pamodzi pambuyo pa chisudzulo. Kapena amakakamizidwa kukomana kawirikawiri chifukwa cha maholide a ana ndi mabanja. Zimakhala kuti amagwira ntchito pamodzi kapena kutsogolera bizinesi yofanana. Muzochitika izi ndikofunikira kumvetsa zomwe mukufuna. Ngati muwona chiyembekezo chenichenicho chobwezeretsa ubale, mwinamwake nkoyenera kuyesera. Ngati palibe mwayi wophatikizananso, ndibwino kuganiza za mwayi woletsa kugonana ndi mwamuna wakale.
Ndi bwino kugwiritsa ntchito nthawiyi ndikuyesa kudzipatula pazinthu zakale, kumvetsetsa nokha ndi kumverera kwanu, kuika miyezo yatsopano pamoyo, kuika patsogolo. Musathamangire kuntchito yowopsya: ndikofunika kuti muyang'ane munthu amene mungathe kusunthira, kapena yemwe mungayambe naye chibwenzi kuti muthe kumaliza pake. Sizomwe zilipo kuti akatswiri othandizira maganizo amagwiritsa ntchito sutikesi yowonongeka ya mavuto. Kupita kuchokera ku banja limodzi kupita ku chimzake, sitingathe kutenga nthenda ya mano. Ndipo masukasi onse a mavuto amakokedwa osasinthika. Chotsatira chingakhale chokhumudwitsa kwambiri: Pambuyo pake, banja lachiwiri kapena lachitatu lidzakhala losasangalala, ndipo kugwa kwake kungachititse kuti musakhulupirire kwathunthu. Pofuna kupewa izi kuti zitheke mutatha kusudzulana, ndibwino kuti mutenge nthawi yambiri, kuchepetsa maubwenzi apamtima ndi wina aliyense, ndikuyesera kuthetsa mavuto anu ndi zifukwa za zolepheretsa. Ndikofunika kuchotsa mavuto ena omwe anaononga banja lanu chimwemwe. Ndi pamene mwamuna wokondweretsa ndi kugonana naye bwino kumakhala weniweni weniweni kusiyana ngati mukuyembekezera munthu woyenera, akugona pabedi ndi wokwatirana naye.