Choyamba tiyeni tiwone kuti ndi "mtundu wanji" wa "chiwembu" ndi zomwe timagwiritsidwa kale kumvetsetsa ndi mawu awa. Kuchokera m'maganizo a maganizo, chigamulo ndi chimodzi mwa mavuto omwe anthu ambiri okwatirana amakhala nawo, makamaka omwe akhala pamodzi kwa nthawi yayitali, ndipo amatanthawuza kuti palibe chibwenzi. Malingana ndi anthu ambiri - izi ndizopanda madzi oyera, zomwe simungakhululukidwe, ndipo chifukwa chake muyenera kukhumudwitsidwa, kulumbira ndi kusudzulana. Koma, palibe munthu amene ali ndi maganizo okhudzidwa omwe amalingalira kuti chiwonongeko chimakhalanso chosiyana, komanso kuti ndife tonse amoyo, osati kwenikweni, osagwirizana ndi maganizo ndi thupi. Katswiri wa zamaganizo, kuti azindikire kuwonongeka kwa chiwonongeko, adzakumbukira choyambirira pakati pa abwenzi kapena okwatirana, ndiye khalidwe lachigwirizano, ndiyeno nkupeza chifukwa. Ndipotu, mwachibadwidwe, kusakhulupirika kungangokhala kugonana, kapena, kumangoganizira zokhazokha, komanso kugwirizana. Choncho, kukhalapo kwa maganizo kumayambitsa kudalira kwa wotsutsa, kuchokera ku chinthu chatsopano chomwe chimapangitsa kuti zinthu zikhale zovuta.
Zifukwa za kusintha.
Akatswiri a zamaganizo amadziŵa zifukwa zisanu ndi ziŵiri zazikulu zimene amuna amachokera "kumanzere." Chofala kwambiri ndi kugwirizana mwadzidzidzi komwe sikungachititse aliyense, malingaliro apadera, kapena kumverera, ndipo kawirikawiri sizimakhala ndi khalidwe lozolowereka. Kwa zamoyo zisanu ndi chimodzi zotsalira, maziko ndi cholinga chochitapo kanthu ndi zolephera za moyo wa banja, kukhumba kubwereza kumverera koyamba ndi kukhudzidwa mtima, chikondi chosadziwika. Nthawi zambiri chiwembu chimangobwezera, chifukwa cha chiwembu chomwecho, pambuyo pake mwamuna sadziwa komanso amadzimva kuti ali ndi chochita, osati zowona.
Chifukwa chake, wina angathenso kuganiza kuti chiwonongeko chilichonse, monga chiwawa, chili ndi chiwerengero chake, ndipo chiyenera kukhala nacho chilango chake. Ndipo monga aliyense "wachifwamba", wotsutsa ali ndi ufulu kulandira ndi kusavomereza kulakwa kwake, mpaka pomwe, mpaka zitatsimikiziridwa.
Kodi zinali choncho kapena ayi?
Kulankhula zachipwirikiti, chifukwa chake mwamuna samavomereza machimo ake, ndikofunikira koyamba kufotokozera, koma kodi kwenikweni? Mwinamwake mwamuna wanu samavomereza, chifukwa palibe chovomerezeka. Inde, ngati mutamugwira pa zochitika zachiwawa, ndiye, mwachidziwikire, ndi chinachake choti munene kapena kufotokoza, ndi panthawi ino, palibe chifukwa. Chabwino, ngati chiwonetsero ichi ndizo zokha zanu zokhazokha. Ambiri amalingalira ku chikhalidwe cha kusintha komwe kumachitika mwachikondi. Chodabwitsa ngati kukonda ndichibadwa m'moyo wa aliyense, ndipo timachigwiritsa ntchito mocheperapo, malinga ndi momwe zinthu ziliri ndi munthuyo. Pali nthawi pamene kukonda kumachitika malire ena, koma sikufika pamtunda, pamakhala "masewera pamphepete", kumene munthu amapezeranso mtima wabwino. Kotero mwinamwake mwamuna wanu ndi wotchova njuga, ndipo kodi kungoyenera kuwonjezera masewera a moyo wanu wa banja?
N'chifukwa chiyani sakuvomerezana ndi chiwembu?
Ngati chiwonongeko chiri chowonadi chodziwikiratu, koma wolakwira, monga kale, akudziyerekezera kuti panalibe kanthu, chochita chiyani pazochitika zoterozo ndi momwe angalongosole khalidweli? Ndikofunika kumvetsetsa kuti kusakhulupilira ndikumangokhalira mavuto osati kwa munthu amene wasinthidwa, komanso kwa munthu amene wasintha. Poyamba, wotsutsa ali mu mantha nthawi zonse "ndipo mwadzidzidzi amaphunzira," kenaka phokoso lotsatira lidzamugwera pamene mkazi adziwa. Ndipo, monga mukudziwira, mantha ndi chidziwitso cha kudzipulumutsa zimakhala zogwira mtima kusiyana ndi malonjezo oti nthawi zonse amalankhula zoona. Ichi ndi chopanda pake pa funso la chifukwa chake mwamuna sakufuna kuvomereza chiwembu? Vuto lachiwiri loti palibe kutanthauza yankho la funso, limene muyenera kudzifunsa: "Koma kodi mukufuna kudziwa za chiwembu?". Ambiri, ndithudi, nthawi yomweyo ayankhe "inde", akutsutsana izi ndi chikhulupiliro chokwatirana m'banja, kusowa kwa zinsinsi pakati pa okwatirana ndi zina. Koma, ndipo ngati mukuganiza moona mtima, pambuyo pake, kusakhulupirika kungakhale kopanda phindu ndipo palibe chifukwa, ndipo muyenera kukhala nawo. Akadakhala akudandaula nthawi yaitali, osayang'ana chilango cha amayi ena, ndipo pambuyo pa choonadi chomwe mumafuna, kuwonongeka kwa ubale ndi kotheka. Komanso, kufotokoza chiyanjano sichikuchoka popanda misonzi ndi amatsenga. Sikokwanira, ndi mayi uti amene angakhale ndi mphamvu kuti atenge zonse mwakachetechete ndikuyankhula. Ndipo amuna ambiri samakonda kukhala chinthu chomwe chimatayika. Ndichifukwa chake amakhala chete pazinthu zawo, pofuna kusunga dongosolo la manjenje, lawo ndi akazi awo. Mmodzi sayenera kuiwala za malingaliro a anthu, kutsutsidwa kwa oyandikana naye ndi zinthu zina zomwe nthawi zambiri sizikutipatsa moyo. Kawirikawiri ndizochepa "zomwe anthu anganene" ndi chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu zimene amai amasinthira chiyanjano. Kuopa kugwa pansi pa bwalo lamilandu, pamene atayika mkazi wake wokondedwa ndi kutsegula pakamwa pake.
Kodi zimatheka bwanji ndi munthu?
Kuti mumvetsetse chifukwa chake mwamuna wanu samavomereza kuti achite chiwembu, muyenera kuwonanso chenicheni cha kusakhulupirika kudzera m'maso mwa munthu. Komabe zikhoza kukhala zopanda pake, koma nthawi zambiri palibe chikondi, pokhapokha chikondi, sichibwera. Inde, nthawi zina zimakhudza maganizo, koma nthawi zambiri zimachokera kumtunda. Kulankhulana kwapadera kwa thupi, kubwezeretsa chisamaliro cha mkazi, kuchepetsa nkhawa, kupeza zowawa zatsopano, ndi zina zotero, koma osati cholinga chosiya mkazi wake ndi kukhala mosangalala pambuyo pake ndi mbuye wake. Chochititsa chidwi kwambiri ndi chakuti nthawi zambiri yankho la "chabwino" linakhala loyera, ndipo silikhala ndi chifukwa chobisika.
Chifukwa chake, okondedwa, musalole kuganiza kuti mukutsutsana ndi mutu wanu kwa amuna anu, muwapatseni chikondi ndi maganizo anu ndipo yesani kumvetsetsa. Ndiye simukudzifunsa nokha "chifukwa chiyani mwamuna wanga samavomereza," ndipo zokambirana za chiwembu, zokayikitsa, zidzakwaniritsidwa nthawi zina m'banja lanu. Palibe chifukwa chokweza lingaliro lachiwonongeko ku chizoloŵezi, koma kuyika izo ngati mfundo mu ubale uliwonse, nayenso, sizothandiza. Pambuyo pa zonse, m'moyo wathu, monga m'nthano, pali zabwino ndi zoipa, zina zambiri, zina zochepa, koma popanda moyo wathu sizinali zomwezo.