Ndikofunika kuchotsa chilakolako chodziletsa, popeza ichi ndi chiwonongeko, chodzivulaza, chomwe palibe mphamvu yowonjezera moyo. Munthu wotere amakhulupirira kuti akuvutika, choncho safuna njira yothetsera vutoli - palibe kusintha kwenikweni. Yerekezani, mwachitsanzo, milandu iwiri. Choyamba: mudasamba ndi bukhu la wina, mwangozi mumumenya. Wolakwa, wodandaula. Kodi mungatani? Mwinamwake, mudzapepesa ndipo mukusinthanitsa mudzagula chimodzimodzi. Chochitikacho chatha. Anali ndi kukhudzidwa kwabwino. Kodi lingaliro la kulakwa ndi momwe mungagonjetsere, fufuzani mu nkhani yonena za "Njira yothetsera manyazi".
Lingaliro la kulakwa ndi malipiro omwe timalipira pokhala m'dziko losatetezeka komanso losadziwika. Ngati munthu wokalamba, popanda kukayikira, wokhutiritsa zokhumba zake zonse, ndiye anthu amakono amakakamizika kudzikana okha zosangalatsa. Tikudziwa kuti simungathe kuvulaza wina ndi mnzake kapena kugona ndi aliyense. Ndilo lingaliro la kulakwa, malinga ndi Sigmund Freud, zomwe zimapangitsa khalidwe lathu kukhala lovomerezeka. Kusokonezeka kwa mkati kumachenjeza za kusagwirizana kwachitapo kanthu pasadakhale, zizindikiro kuti zolakwitsa zinapangidwa ndipo zingakhale zabwino kukonza (pemphani chikhululuko, mwachitsanzo). Njira ina: mukuganiza kuti chifukwa cha inu, amayi adapereka ntchito (adakuuzani izi). Ndipo moyo wanu wonse watembenuzidwa kukhala chitetezero cha "tchimo": tsopano muyenera kupereka amayi anu ndi ukalamba wabwino, ndikubwezera nsembe yake. Koma ziribe kanthu momwe kulili kovuta, ziribe kanthu kaya ndi gawo lanji la malipiro, kapena kulipereka ilo kwa makolo anga, kulakwitsa sikuchokapobe. Chifukwa palibe zifukwa zomveka zokhalira nazo. Kodi mudapempha amayi kusiya chilolezocho? Ndipotu, simuli ndi udindo pa chisankhocho. Mwanayo amatha kudziimba mlandu pambuyo pa zaka zitatu. Amagwiritsa ntchito malingaliro amenewa monga kuteteza maganizo. Ngati makolo sanaganizire kuti mwanayo ndi wolakwa, ndiye kuti mwanayo amavomereza kuti si wamphamvu. Ndipo ngati achikulire akunena chinachake ngati "munachita zoipa, motero mayi anu anasiya" kapena "sanadye phala, amakhumudwitsa bambo", ndiye kuti kulakwa kungakhale kosasintha, n'kusanduka lingaliro la moyo. Munthu woteroyo amadzimva kuti ndi wolakwa pazochitika zodabwitsa kwambiri, monga msilikali wochokera ku nkhani ya Chekhov yomwe adamwalira chifukwa adanyodola pamalo a boma.
Munthu wothandizira anthu
Chilakolako nthawi zambiri chimakhala chida champhamvu cholamulira anthu. Mwachitsanzo, ndi chiyani mtsikana amene alibe chidwi chokwanira ndi mnyamata? Inde, iye samamuuza za izi zomwe akusowa mwachindunji (izi sizigwira ntchito, zakhala zikufufuzidwa kangapo). Zokongola kwambiri komanso zogwira mtima zidzalira kapena kusamveka mobisa, kusonyeza kukhumudwa. Mwamuna sangathe kunyalanyaza "zopempha" zoterezi. Kudzimva kuti ndi wolakwa ("chinthu chopusa cha mutu wa mutu") chimamutsogolera ku tente la maluwa kapena sitolo yodzikongoletsera. Zoonadi, kukambirana kanthawi kochepa "za maganizo athu" sikungayambitse zoterezi. Anthu amagwiritsa ntchito kulakwa monga kuteteza maganizo osati kokha ngati mwana, komanso akulu. Mwachitsanzo, mu zosatheka, zovuta kwambiri monga imfa ya wokondedwa. Timadziimba tokha pa zomwe sitinapulumutsidwe, osatipulumutsidwa (ngakhale zinali zovuta kuti zisatheke), chifukwa kuvomereza kuti kulibe vuto ndi kovuta kwambiri komanso koopsa kwambiri. Momwe mungapitirizire kukhalapo m'dziko limene simungakhudze zinthu zofunika monga moyo wa okondedwa anu? Kawirikawiri patapita nthawi anthu amatenga thandizo lawo ndikupita ku gawo lotsatira lakumva chisoni. Koma ena amanyalanyaza zolakwa za moyo. Ndipo ubwino wa ubwana wa munthu (ndiko kuti, ngati vinyo alibe nthawi yosandulika moyo), sizingakhale bwino kuti adzalumikizidwa. Kusamalira munthu wina yemwe ali ndi mlandu sikungakhale malingaliro oipa (ngati iwe umanyalanyaza khalidwe labwino). Koma wodzitcha yekhayo amakhala mchitidwe wake ndipo pafupifupi 100% nthawi yomwe amadzimvera chisoni, akuyang'ana momwe munthuyo akumvera.
Momwe mungamvetsetse - ndizolakwa kapena ayi?
Chofunika kwambiri ndi kukhazikitsa malire a udindo. Mwachitsanzo, mumadzimva kuti amayi anga alibe moyo wawo (anati: "Ndipo ndani anganditenge ndi mwana?"). Kapena kuti chibwenzicho chinavulala pangozi ya galimoto: mutatha kukangana, amamwa ndi kukhala kumbuyo kwa gudumu. Anastasia Fokina akufotokoza kuti pofuna kuchotsa kulakwa, muyenera kuchepetsa dera lanu dera lanu. Dzifunseni nokha funso losavuta - kodi ndingathe kukhala ndi udindo pa izi? Kodi khanda lingayang'ane amayi a sutikiti? Ndipo kodi iwe unamuika munthu wamkulu woledzera kuseri kwa gudumu? Ayi ndithu. Ngati mukuganiza za vutoli ndikuzindikira kuti muli ndi mlandu, pali mphamvu yothetsera vutoli, ndiye kuti vutoli ndilolinga. Ndipo mungathe kuchotsa izo mwa kutenga zochepa zosavuta: Pepepesani, perekani zowonongeka, perekani thandizo. Koma ngati simungathe kufotokozera momveka bwino zomwe ziri zolakwika (muli ndi kumverera kolemetsa kokha), ndiye, mwinamwake, palibe chidziwitso chenicheni. Kotero, iwe sungakhoze kuchikonza icho. Chifukwa palibe kusamba.
Kampani yodalirika yochepa
Munthu wathanzi wathanzi sakhala ndi mlandu. Makhalidwe a munthu woteroyo amalamulidwa ndi lingaliro lalikulu la udindo. Izi ndizofunikira kuti munthu adzipereke yekha mwa kufuna kwawo. Mosiyana ndi kudzimva kuti ndi wolakwa, udindo uli ndichindunji - mungathe kunena molondola kuti mkhalidwe umodzi ungakhudze, ndi ena - ayi. Mwachitsanzo, simungakhale ndi mlandu chifukwa chakuti moyo wa makolo sanagwire ntchito, chifukwa akuluakulu ali ndi udindo kwa ana aang'ono, osati mosiyana. Njira yodabwitsa kwambiri yowonjezera kudzidzimva kukhala wolakwa ndi matenda. Amayang'anira bwino khalidwe la munthu wina. Ndani adzasiya wozunzika? Chokhachokha. Ndipo palibe yemwe akufuna kuti azionedwa ngati choncho. Ndipo kawirikawiri wogwiritsira ntchito akudwala osati mwachindunji, koma mosadziŵa. Thupi lake limakhala ndi udindo wa chiyanjano cha anthu awiri kuchoka ku kusimidwa - izi zikutanthauza kuti njira zina zonse zomangira munthu payekha sizinawathandize. Ena ali okonzeka kukhala odwala kwambiri komanso olemekezeka kwambiri, ngati kungokhala ndi maganizo odzimvera kwa wokondedwa kapena ana. Matenda a mwana akhoza kukhala chinthu chokha chomwe chimagwirizanitsa awiriwa ndi kusudzulana. Akatswiri a zamaganizo amachititsa chidwi ichi "phindu la matendawa." Amayi ena samangofuna mwana kuti asiye kudwala - chifukwa palibe chomwe chingasunge mwamuna wake m'banja. Kulingalira kosadziwika si chizindikiro cha uzimu, koma chizindikiro cha kusakhazikika, akuti Elena Lopukhina. Kuchotsa iye mu boma lachikulire si kophweka, koma ngakhale zovuta ndi kuyesa kupita patsogolo, kudzimva nokha ndipo nthawi zonse chifukwa.
Kumadzimvera chisoni, kudzikweza tokha, sitingathe kuganiza, kulingalira, kulingalira moganiza bwino. Nthawi zonse ife tibwerera mmbuyo ("Ndipo ngati ine nditachita mosiyana?") Ndipo khalani omangika kale. Udindo, mosiyana, umalimbikitsa chichitidwe, ndi cholinga cha mtsogolo ndipo umatilola kukonza zolakwa, osati kuwadandaula mopanda pake. Munthu wodalirika, atachita chinachake cholakwika, amaganiza kuti wachita zoipa, ndipo amene amatsogoleredwa ndi kulakwa amangovulaza. Ndipo choyamba chidzakhala chosavuta atakonza cholakwa, ndipo chachiwiri chidzapitirizabe kuvutika. Mwana yemwe makolo ake anaphunzitsidwa kuti azidziimba mlandu, koma sanaphunzitse kukhala omasuka ndi kuchitapo kanthu pa zochita zawo, kukhala wamkulu, sangathe kuzindikira, kuzindikira ndi kukonza zomwe adachita. Zikuwoneka ngati iye akusonyeza kulakwa kwake ndikokwanira kuti akhululukidwe. Tsopano ife tikudziwa momwe njira yakuchotsera kulakwa ndi.