Momwemonso David Lieberman, katswiri weniweni pankhani ya maganizo a khalidwe laumunthu. Ndipo iye ali mwamtheradi kulondola. Kafufuzidwe kafukufukuyo amatsimikizira kuti kuyanjana pamaganizo kumatha kutchulidwa pafupifupi kwa munthu aliyense (ndithudi, ngati wina akumvera chisoni). Choncho, mutangodziwana bwino ndi munthu wina, mwamsanga yang'anani maulendo ogwira ntchito kuti mukhale ndi nthawi yaying'ono ndi iye, kuti adzizolowere. Ndi momwe mungagwirizane ndi munthu aliyense?
Ndipo pambuyo pake, yambani kuchita mwakhama! Ndiwe wokhutira kuti amamvetsa chisoni ndi inu ndipo akukonzekera ubale, muyenera kuyamba nthawi yomweyo kusewera kubisala ndi kufunafuna ... ndipo mupitirizebe kubisala mpaka atasiya kumva ndikukuwonani. Tonsefe timadziwa ulamuliro uwu wa zaka zapitazi: anthu amakonda kukhala ndi zomwe sangakwanitse.
Ndipo chifukwa chakuti nthawi zonse mumakhala ndi munthu, mungachepetse phindu lanu. Ngati tsiku lirilonse muli panjira yaikulu munali mulu waukulu wa diamondi kuti muyambe kuyendayenda, simungaganize kuti diamondi kukhala yamtengo wapatali. Chithako chokha cha kutaya chinachake chimapereka "mtengo" uwu. Khalani pafupi, ndiyeno muthamangire, ndipo amuna adzakumverani nanu ndikukukhudzani.
Nchifukwa chiyani tiyenera kulandira mphatso kuchokera kwa anthu?
Ngati mumachita zabwino kwa wina, zidzakupatsani chisangalalo chochuluka kawiri. Choyamba, mumakhutitsidwa kwathunthu chifukwa munachita chinthu chokoma kwa munthu, ndipo chachiwiri, mumamuchitira chifundo. Pofuna kutsimikizira zoyesayesa zathu, kugwiritsidwa ntchito pochita zabwino, nthawi zambiri timakhala ndi chizoloŵezi chowonetsera munthu mochuluka. Ndipo pamapeto pake, yemwe timamukondweretsa, timakonda kwambiri!
Ndipo kulandira mphatso ndi "zosangalatsa" zosiyanasiyana kwa ife kumabweretsa chisangalalo. Komabe, popanda chisangalalo, timakhalabe ndi malingaliro ambiri, ndipo si onse omwe ali abwino. Nthawi zina timavutika maganizo. N'chifukwa chiyani zili choncho? Chifukwa chakuti ife timayamba kumva kuti tili ndi udindo chifukwa chakuti wina watizindikira kuti ndife oyenerera mphatso, ndipo tikuyenera kupitiriza kutsata ndondomekoyi, ndipo izi sizikutanthauza kuti munthu yemwe amapereka mphatsoyo amafunanso phindu linalake ndi kubwerera kuchokera ku zomwe watichitira.
Kukumana ndi mavuto ambiri pamene tilandira mphatso kuchokera kwa munthu amene timamukonda, koma mpaka tsopano sitikudziwa za candidacy yake. Kodi mumamvetsa tanthauzo lake? Tikamakonda kwambiri munthu, timadziwa kuti timamukondweretsa. Koma zingakhale bwino ngati mumupatsa mpata wochita poyamba, ndiye kuti mumatha kukondana ndi munthu aliyense mosavuta.
Mumuyang'ane bwino.
Harvard psychoanalyst Zik Rubin anayesera kuwerengera mwa sayansi amatanthauza kukula kwa chikondi ndi munthu wina, komabe iye anatha kuphunzira mfundo zochititsa chidwi: zikutanthauza kuti msinkhu wachikondi ukhoza kulingaliridwa ndi nthawi yomwe wokonda amayang'ana chinthu cha chilakolako chake. Iye anati mabanja okondana amawoneka pafupifupi 75 peresenti ya nthawi yomwe akuyankhula!
Kuwonjezera apo, okonda sakhala osadziwika pang'ono kuchokera mu njira yoganizirana wina ndi mzake, pamene munthu wachitatu akuphatikizira zokambirana zawo. Pakukambirana kosavuta anthu amayang'ana pothandizana naye kwinakwake 50 peresenti ya nthawiyo. Njira imeneyi yoyeretsera chikondi imatchedwa kuti Dipatimenti ya Rubin: osachepera pafupifupi nthawi yomwe akukuyang'anirani mukakambirana, ndiyeno mukhoza kuyesa kuchuluka kwa chidwi. Akatswiri a zamaganizo amagwiritsira ntchito kukakamizidwa kwa Rubin kuti amvetse ngati banjali likugwirizana, komanso ngati likugwirizana nawo. Komabe, njira iyi ingathandizenso ngati mukufuna kukondana ndi wina. Koma bwanji: yesetsani kuyang'ana munthu amene mumamukonda, pafupifupi 75 peresenti ya nthawiyo. Ubongo wa munthu ukhoza kuchitapo kanthu ngati mumamukonda.
Chowonadi ndi chakuti ubongo waumunthu uli ndi ubwino wochita ndi chidwi cha munthu yemwe si mwamuna kapena mkazi, ndiye chifukwa chake timayamba kudzikhulupirira tokha kuti tili m'chikondi, ndipo ubongo umayambira kupereka puloteni penyletilamin.
Penyletilamine, mnzake wapamtima wa amphetamines, amasokonezeka ndi dongosolo la mitsempha pamene timagwira ntchito kwambiri mwa munthu wina. Enzyme imeneyi imatikakamiza kuti tizimenyana, kusemphana ndi nkhawa, pakuwona kwake. Inde, simungasangalatse munthu mothandizidwa ndi maphunziro a Rubin, ngati muwona kuti simukukonda konse, koma mungagwiritse ntchito njirayi mukakondana ndi mwamuna. Dzifufuzeni nokha! Zotsatira zidzakusangalatsani kwambiri. Perekani munthu kumverera kuti mumamukonda, nthawi zambiri mumamuyang'ane, ndipo zidzakhala zosavuta kuti agwirizane ndi mfundo yakuti nayenso ndi wamisala za inu!
Poyang'ana pambali? Ayi.
Kuwonjezera apo, pali lingaliro lina lomwe likuchokera mu kafukufuku wa Bambo Rubin: okwatirana mwachikondi musafulumire kuchotsa maso awo kwa munthu wina amene anaganiza kuti alowe nawo. Apanso, ngati mumagwiritsa ntchito chipangizo kwa wina yemwe sali pachibwenzi ndi inu, ubongo wake umayamba nthawi yomweyo kupereka penyletilamine, ndipo posachedwapa adzazindikira kuti ali m'chikondi! Inu mumangopitilira, utali wonse momwe mungathe kuyang'anitsitsa maso a mnzanuyo ngakhale toga, pamene atsirizira kukambirana kapena inu mukugwirizana ndi munthu wachitatu.
Ndipo yang'anani kutali mopanda mantha ndi pang'onopang'ono. Ngati muli ndi manyazi kuyang'ana pamaso panu, ndiye kuti mungagwiritse ntchito kuyang'ana. Mwachitsanzo, mukhoza kuona wina wothandizira, koma pambuyo pa chiganizo chilichonse, perekani mwachidule kwa munthu amene amakukondani, mulole iye azindikire. Izi zikufanana ndi kuchitapo kanthu - mumayang'anitsitsa zomwe mnzanuyo akuchita pa zomwe wothandizana nawo wachitatu adanena - ndipo izi zikuwonekeratu kuti mumamukonda. Ndipo ngati akumva, ndiye kuti kukondana ndi mwamuna kumakhala kophweka kusiyana ndi kophweka.
Ophunzira kuchokera ku sayansi ya maganizo.
Tonsefe timadziwa bwino momwe amationera pamene amva kukopa. Pa ichi, chikhalidwe chimodzi chokha ndichofunika: ophunzira ayenera kukulitsidwa. Simungathe kulamulira ophunzira mosamala (ichi ndi chifukwa chake akunena kuti maso sapusitsa). Komabe, mukhoza kukhazikitsa zikhalidwe zoyenera kuti ophunzira akule.
Choyamba, muyenera kuchepetsa kuunika kwa chipinda . Ophunzira amakula nthawi yomweyo pamene kuwala kulibe. Ndicho chifukwa chake m'malesitilanti komwe amachitira kukondana, nthawi zambiri pamakhala makandulo kapena nyali zopanda kuwala. Izi zimangochititsa kuti nkhopeyo ikhale yosangalatsa, koma ophunzira ndi ochuluka.
Asayansi anayesera ndipo anaganiza kuti asonyeze magulu awiri a zithunzi za msungwana wokongola kwa amuna. Zithunzizo zinali zosiyana, koma ophunzira a mtsikanayo m'magulu amodzi adakulitsidwa kudzera m'mapulogalamu olemba. Inde, amuna adanena kuti mkaziyo pa gulu lachiwiri la zithunzi anali okongola kwambiri. Kuyesanso komweku kunabwerezedwa ndi zithunzi za mwamuna yemwe adawonetsa akazi. Zotsatira za kuyesera zinali zofanana.
Ophunzira athu akufutukula mosavuta pamene tiwona chinachake kapena munthu amene timakonda, kotero mutha kuchigwiritsa ntchito ngati mukufuna kukondana ndi mwamuna. Apanso, izi zingatsimikizidwe mothandizidwa ndi zithunzi. Ndipo pakadali pano, asayansi anapereka gulu la anyamata osiyana zithunzi, ndipo mmodzi wa iwo anakumana, komwe mkazi wamaliseche anawonetsedwa. Kwa anthu onse osasamala pokhapokha ophunzirawo anafutukulidwa. Nthawi zonse, pamene munthu amatikonda, tikamamuyang'ana, ophunzira athu amatsitsa.