Koma chimachitika ndi chiyani kwa amai ndi abambo pankhani ya kugonana?
M'dziko lamakono, mkazi amamva kuti ndi womasuka kwambiri kugonana, monga mwamuna. Koma kuchokera ku zomwe zikuchitika, mpaka lero munthu yemwe ali ndi chiwerengero chochulukirapo, onse otchedwa Zhigalo, ndi mkazi amene amagona oposa mmodzi, kawirikawiri amamvetsera kuti achoke pamulu wa miseche kumbuyo kwake ndikuwonanso maonekedwe ambirimbiri omwe amawoneka. Kodi kupanda chilungamo kumeneku kunachokera kuti?
Mwinamwake, chomwe chimayambitsa chiyanjano choterocho chikuwonetsedwa mu vnoansah psychology yaumunthu. Mofanana ndi zina zilizonse, kugonana kwachisokonezo kumapweteka mawonetseredwe akunja a zizindikiro zosiyanasiyana, koma sizingatheke kuwonetsera maganizo a anthu ndi ziwonetsero zaka mazana ambiri. Ngakhale pakadali pano, kukumbukira munthu (ngakhale pa chibadwa kapena chiwerengero cha chidziwitso) kumakhala ndi chiwonetsero: munthu ndi msaki, mkazi ndiye woyang'anira nyumba.
Sayansi yamakono imayimiliranso kuteteza anthu. Asayansi-genetics apeza chochititsa chidwi kuti hormone imodzi imayambitsa kugwidwa ndi kugonana kwa oimira amuna. Ndipo onse, mwina, akuganiza kuti dzina lake ndi testosterone. Mwa kugonana, mkazi yemwenso samakopeka ndi hormone yosavuta, koma ndi zovuta zazikulu zokhudzana ndi mankhwala. Mwina ndi chifukwa chake, kwa amuna ambiri, kugonana ndi chinthu chophweka chomwe tingachifanizire, mwachitsanzo, ndi chakudya cham'mawa. Akazi a jessex amazindikira kugonana monga chiwonetsero cha ubale ndi chikondi. Pamapeto pake, zikuwonekeratu kuti amai ndi ofunika kwambiri pamaganizo.
Zili zomvetsa chisoni, koma zimakhala kuti ngakhale titatsutsana kwambiri ndi zokambirana za makhalidwe ndi chikhulupiliro, chikhalidwe cha mkazi ndi mwamuna chimakhala chosiyana ndi kugonana.
Mwamuna akamayesedwa ndi mkazi, kuunika kwake kumachitika nthawi zonse. Pali anyamata omwe amavomereza kuti pokambirana ndi msungwana watsopano wokongola amakhala ndi lingaliro lotere: "Kodi iye angagone ndi ine?" Zomwe akuchitazo ndizomwe sadziwa, ngakhale atayamikira mkazi wake ndipo ali wokondwa m'banja! Kafukufuku wochepa pakati pa abwenzi anga ndi abwenzi anatsimikizira kuti malingaliro a ndondomeko yotereyo amadza m'maganizo pafupifupi kwa anthu onse. Kenaka zonse zimayenda molingana ndi zomwe zimachitika nthawi zonse. Munthuyu, monga cholengedwa chodziwika bwino, mwachibadwa amafuna kutsimikizira lingaliro lake: "kodi iye angagone kapena ayi?" Mwinamwake izi zingakhale zonyoza, koma nthawi zambiri "kukokera" mkazi kutali, mwamunayo samagwirizana nawo. Ntchito yaikulu ndi kupambana. Ngati mkazi akutembenuka kukhala chophweka, ndiye kuti wamwamuna, atasokoneza chikondi chake, amatha kutha. Otsutsa ambiri omwe akulimbikitsidwa amatha kukakamiza munthu kuti awonetsere zodabwitsa zodabwitsa za misala achikondi, amatha kukhulupirira ngakhale kuti ali m'chikondi. Komabe, atatha kukwaniritsa zolinga zake, munthuyo amakhala wosasangalatsa. Yankho la funsoli linaperekedwa, motero, maubwenzi oterewa adatha.
Sikoyenera kumvetsetsa bwino maganizo a anthu kuti azitha kuzindikira kuti anthu omwe adayambitsa masewerowa amafuna kuti adzipangitse okha kupyolera mu kugonana, kachiwiri, atasokoneza "I" awo. Amuna ambiri otere amachita zimenezo, chifukwa sakudziwa okha. Mumtima mwao ali ndi mantha otetezeka, akuwongolera m'njira yosavuta, amafuna kuonetsa chidwi chawo. Izi zimachitika kuti akazi azichita mofananamo. Komabe, zolinga za amai ndi abambo ndi zosiyana. Ngati amuna akufuna kutsimikizira amuna awo, ndiye kuti amai amayesa kutsimikizira aliyense ndi zonse zomwe amafunidwa komanso okondedwa.
Kawirikawiri, amayi amakhala osatetezeka kwambiri komanso amadziwika mosiyana ndi amuna awo. Choncho, ngati munthu akuyenera kulandira njira yotsimikizira kuti "chilakolako" chofunira chidwi kuchokera kwa amuna kapena akazi, ndiye kuti mkaziyo adzakwanira kuti amve kuyamikiridwa kapena kuwona kuyang'ana kosangalatsa, kokongola. Ngati zoterezi zikuchitika, maganizo a mtsikanayo kapena kunyada kwa mkaziyo akukhutira. Ndipo chifukwa chake ndikofunikira kukhazikitsa cholinga chotsatira.
Mkazi wosakwatira, monga lamulo, akuwonanso chidziwitso chatsopano monga chinthu chokondana ndi chilakolako. Komabe, izo zimagogomezera pang'ono mosiyana. Ngati kawirikawiri zokonda za munthu zili pa ndege ya bedi, ndiye kuti zofuna za amayi ndizokwatirana. Msungwana aliyense atapsompsona pamutu pake akujambula chithunzi, ngati kuti, nyimbo yachilendo ya mbalame atagwira manja, amapita ku guwa. Kotero zimakhala kuti mwamuna amaona kugonana monga cholinga, ndi mkazi - kokha ngati njira yokwaniritsa cholinga chachikulu.
Ngati munthu akugonana yekha akudikirira kuti azisangalala ndi zosowa zake zakuthupi, ndiye kuti sakudziwa bwino chifukwa chake akufunira mnzanuyo?
Pambuyo pake, mungathe kukwaniritsa zosangalatsa zanu nokha, osagwiritsira ntchito nthawi ndi ndalama pakukhazikitsa chiyanjano, chidziwitso ndi zina. Zitha kuzindikiranso kuti pali ntchito yakale komanso yotchuka, yokhudza kugonana popanda chikondi. Komabe, pakadali pano, cholinga chokhutiritsa kudzidalira nokha sikulipo kwa mwamuna. Kotero kakon amatenga kugonana osati chifukwa cha kusadzikweza kwake, koma chifukwa choti kulipira ndi ndalama. Zikuwoneka kuti kuwonjezera pa "kukonda" ndi kunyada ndi chisangalalo cha thupi ndi china chake, chifukwa chake tonsefe timalowa mu kugonana. N'zochititsa chidwi kuti ngakhale zotsutsana kwambiri za mfundo yakuti kugonana ndi chinthu chofanana ndi kutumizira zosowa (kapena ngakhale chakudya) chinayambitsa funso ili: "Chifukwa chiyani mukufunikira mnzanu mukamagonana?"
Mwachibadwa, palibe amene angatsutse kuti chibadwa cha chiwerewere ndi chirengedwe mofanana ndi ludzu kapena njala, koma mosiyana ndi iwo, chikhoza kuyendetsedwa ndi munthu mwiniyo. Ngati kuli kosavuta kufotokozera, ngati mimba ndi "kapitawo" ngati ali ndi njala, ndiye pa nkhani ya kugonana (ngakhale kuti pali gawo lalikulu la chikoka cha thupi) ubongo umakhala ndi malo otsogolera. Chifukwa chaichi, kuti mkazi ndi mwamuna chinthu chofunika kwambiri pa kugonana si thupi, koma ubwenzi wapamtima. Izi ndizosiyana kwenikweni pakati pa anthu ndi nyama.
Anthu awiri okondana omwe ali ndi chiwonetsero cha kugonana amakhala ndi zosangalatsa zambiri ndipo zidzakhala zosiyana kwambiri. Nthawi zina ndimazindikira momwe amachitira chidwi ndi omwe amawona udindo wa kugonana m'moyo wa munthu wokha. Ndipotu, amatha kukhululukidwa-ngati atha kufanana, ndiye kuti sanamvepo konse, kumverera kwa mgwirizano wa cosmic woperekedwa kokha ndi chikondi chenicheni.