Pano, banja ndi banja lingaperekedwe ngati magulu ang'onoang'ono "otsekedwa," komanso kwa anthu akunja, "khomo liletsedwa". Zimakhala zowona kuti pakuphunzira za ubale wa banja n'zovuta kufufuza chimene chinayambitsa vutoli.
Kusinkhasinkha pang'ono, tingathe kunena kuti zifukwa zomwe zimakhalira m'banja zimakhala zovuta kwambiri.
Mwamuna ndi mkazi wake sangakhale ndi mavuto pankhani ya chuma. Komabe, ngati okwatirana alibe nthawi yowonjezereka komanso ndikutsimikiza kuti wokwatirana ndi wokonzeka kuthandizira wina aliyense payekha, kuthetsa mkangano ndi kotheka. Ngati mwamuna kapena mkazi sangathe kuthandizira kuthana ndi mavuto osiyanasiyana a moyo (ngakhale ngati sakukayikira kuti mavutowa adzagonjetsedwa) - ichi ndi thandizo lina lakumenyana kwakukulu.
Ngati palibe mgwirizano wapamtima, potsiriza (ngakhale ngati ukwati sungasokoneze), mmodzi mwa okwatirana ali ndi vuto lopanda mphamvu, kusowa kwa moyo wokhutira komanso kugwira bwino ntchito, zopanga zochitika - zonsezi zidzetsa mikangano m'banja ndi zina kapena zotsatira zina, kusudzulana, monga ulamuliro. Choipa kwambiri, sikungatheke kusudzulana, chifukwa, mwachitsanzo, mmodzi mwa okwatirana akuwona kusunga banja lawo udindo wawo kwa ana aang'ono, koma kodi ndi mtundu wotani wa banja ngati ulibe mgwirizano ndi chikondi, kumvetsetsa ndi chiyanjano okwatirana ...
Zirizonse zifukwa, onse amanena kuti okwatirana alibe chinthu chachikulu - kukhutira ndi banja, kukwanira kwathunthu kwa ubale wa banja komanso kukondwera ndi zonsezi.
Tiyeni tiwone zifukwa zomwe zimabweretsera mikangano ya m'banja nthawi zambiri. Pambuyo pake, kaŵirikaŵiri amakhala mwala wapamutu wosudzulana kapena kupitirizabe moyo pamodzi.
Chifukwa choyamba ndikumverera kwa kudzichepetsa, kulakwitsa, mwamuna kapena mkazi kutsogolo kwa wina.
Mikangano yambiri imabuka chifukwa cha kudzichepetsa, kudzikuza, phindu la lingaliro lakuti "Ine ndiri m'dziko lino" (musati musokoneze ndi "ego"). Munthu aliyense adzadandaula kwambiri ngati nkhani zotsutsana ndi ulemu wake zimakhudzidwa, pamene sakulemekezedwa, pomwe, pomaliza, amangopatsidwa popanda ulemu uliwonse.
Mwamuna ndi mkazi wake akamangokhalira kugwedezeka, ataphwanya hafu yawo, izi zimapangitsa kuti anthu azikhala ndi maganizo olakwika m'banja komanso kuti asakhale osakhutira, osakhala ndi maganizo abwino pakati pa anthu awiri. Chosavuta chidzawonetsedwa muchisomo, chikondi cha okwatirana wina ndi mnzake, kumusamalira (iye) komanso mosamala ndikuphunzitsa ana awo. Kusiyanitsa maganizo pakati pa okwatirana kumayamba ndi kudzichepetsa kwambiri kwa mmodzi mwa okwatirana, ndi mawu ofunika kwambiri ponena za yemwe ali naye pachibwenzi. Motero, mgwirizano wa banja, moyo wokhazikika, kudzidalira kumasweka ndipo, mosiyanitsa, kumverera kopanda phindu ndi kufunika kwa munthu wina kumakula. Zochitika izi zimapangitsa kuti muukwati, munthu sangathe kudziyesa ngati munthu wofunika kwa mnzake. M'malo mwake, amayamba kukhumudwa ndi banja lake, amakhala ndi nkhawa, osadzidalira muzochita zake, osati kuthetsa moyo wa tsiku ndi tsiku (banja). Iye wataya mtima womuthandizira kuchokera kwa mkazi wake (mkazi), ndipo kenako nkutheka kuchokera kumalo ake, kumverera kwa mgwirizano ndi chitetezo.
Mwamuna nthawi zambiri ali ndi udindo wa munthu yemwe amangopempha kapena kumupempha kuti akhale naye pachibwenzi, zomwe zimamulola mkazi kuti amve mphamvu zake pa mwamuna wake, kukwera ku mpando wachifumu. Pokhala ndi malingaliro otere monga "mfumukazi", iye amadalira malingaliro ake akhoza kudzichepetsa kwa mwamuna wake, kumupangitsa kusangalala ndi chisankho chake, kapena kutsimikiza mtima kuti asiye "zosayenera" zake.
Mwamuna amene sadziwa zonse zokhudza maukwati a banja (pambuyo pake, izi ndizokhazikitsidwa ndi anthu awiri, sichoncho) N'zosavuta kumvetsa chifukwa chake mwamuna kapena mkazi yemwe sagwirizana kwenikweni ndi malingaliro kapena amayi omwe amakopeka ndi zoterezi akuyang'ana pa iye, mwinamwake mwamuna wochuluka wochenjera ndi waluso. Lingaliro la kudzidalira, kudzidalira kwa munthu mu ubale woterewu ndikumasokonezeka tsiku ndi tsiku, zomwe zimachepetsa kutentha m'banja, kumalowetsa chikondi ndi kuzizira. Zoonadi, zoterezi sizingatheke kwa nthawi yayitali, chifukwa aliyense wa ife sangavomereze zovuta zake kwa iye kosatha. Izi zidzathetsa mkangano waukulu waukwati ndi kugawanika kwa banja.
Chinthu chinanso chakumenyana kwa banja kumene kwafika pa nthaka yocheperako ndi maonekedwe a mkazi amanyansidwa ndi chibwenzi chakuthupi, osati kukhutira momwe ziyenera kukhalira.
Pachifukwa ichi, bedi la conjugal ndi la mkazi ngati malo ozunzidwa. Inde, kunyansidwa ndi chiwerewere cha mkazi kumatumizidwa kwa mwamuna, amene amafunikiradi. Ndipo wokwatirana amakhala ndi mano opunduka, ndikumverera kuti akugwiriridwa (chifukwa chosowa kusungulumwa, kukhala ndi udindo kwa ana), kapena ngakhale kukana mwamuna wake mu chibwenzi. Inde, kwa banja, zotsatira za mkhalidwewu zimakhalanso zoopsa. Chotsatira chimenecho chidzawonekera ngakhale ndi thupi (ndi lingaliro, komanso) kuthekera kwa mwamuna kuti akwaniritse mkazi wake.
Sitingathe kunyalanyaza chinthu chonchi ngati phokoso pabedi.
Izi ziyenera kuthandizidwa makamaka mwachangu. Kumbukirani kuti chipinda sichimakhala malo omenyana. Kumvetsa mikangano yonse pasadakhale.
Kuwonjezera pa izi, kugonana sikuyenera kuchitidwa ngati chinthu choyenera (izi zimachitika nthawi zambiri ngakhale). Tikujambula fanizo. Ankafuna chotukuka, anatsegula firiji, anapanga sangweji mofulumira, anatsuka tiyi kapena soda. Ayi, fanizo apa liyenera kutsatiridwa ndi lingaliro losiyana. Kugonana kuyenera kukhala ngati chakudya chapamwamba chophikira nyali, pokhapokha ngati mwamuna ndi mkazi wake sangavutike.
Kusiyana kwa maganizo a amuna ndi akazi, kumatsutsana pa zifukwa zakuya, ndi m'moyo wa tsiku ndi tsiku m'banja - zonsezi ndi zachilengedwe komanso zimagwirizana kwambiri. Koma mulimonsemo, kuthekera kwachibadwa, kulingalira bwino kwa mikangano kungakhale kukhala wokoma mtima kapena kukangana. Kodi izi ziyenera kumveka bwanji?
Mwachifundo m'moyo wa banja, chinthu chofunika kwambiri ndi mgwirizano wa maubwenzi, pamene kukangana sikukulamulidwa ndi choonadi kapena maubwenzi abwino, koma ndi chikhumbo chodziwonetsera yekha, kuti chiwoneke chogonjetsa, kuti chifukwa chake, ukwati ndi chidzalo cha moyo wa banja chikhoza kusungidwa. Ngakhale kuti tazindikira zinthu ziwiri zomwe zikuthandizira kuthetsa mgwirizano wa banja kuti zikhale bwino, ziyenera kukumbukira kuti kukangana sikuli njira yothetsera vutolo, monga momwe zidzasokonezere ubalewu. Makhalidwe abwino kwambiri m'banja ndiwo "chikondi", chomwe ndi chapamwamba kwambiri kuposa udindo "Ndili bwino, koma sindinu." Zokanganazo zimangokhalira kuyambitsa mkangano, komabe amakonza njirayi. Mu banja komwe kumvetsetsa chikhalidwe chotere cha moyo wa banja, moyo wautali ndi wokondwa ndi wotheka.
Ndipo, ngakhale zili choncho, ngati mmodzi mwa okwatirana, pofuna kusunga chikondi m'banja, adasankha njira yachiwiri - kukangana, kutsimikizira kuti "ndikulondola," apa tiyenera kugwiritsira ntchito mpikisano ngati chikhalidwe, chomwe chimatha kuthetsa vutoli. Ndipo palibe chophweka mu izi. Ndikofunika, kumbali imodzi, momveka bwino (kulingalira, ngati mukufuna) kufotokozera maganizo anu popanda kukhumudwitsa mnzanuyo mwa kukweza mawu ake, ndipo, kumbali inayo, athe kuzindikira kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wake ali woyenera, kuti amvere chilungamo ichi. Ndipo panthawi imodzimodziyo, simukufunikira chomwe chimatchedwa "pitani kwa munthu", muwonetseni "ego" yanu, muzitsutsana wina ndi mzake kapena, poipa, mukhumudwitse. Mkwatibwi sayenera kukhala ndi maganizo okhumudwa, ngakhale pakutsutsana, kusonyeza ulemu wina ndi mnzake, kumbukirani kuti aliyense wa iwo ali ndi ntchito "yosayimika payekha," kuti apambane kupambana pa mkangano pa mtengo uliwonse, koma kuti abwere ku choonadi, mwachitsanzo. ku yankho lomwe limakondweretsa onse awiriwa. Pachifukwa ichi muyenera kumvetsera "wotsutsana" wanu, yesetsani kumvetsetsa udindo wake, ndipo ndithudi, mukhoze kukhala m'malo mwake, mvetserani ziganizo zanu "ndi makutu ake," mwa kuyankhula kwina, khalani omvera kwambiri.
Ndipo otsiriza.
Dzifunseni nokha: "Kodi chimwemwe cha banja ndi chiyani, ndi chimwemwe chosavuta chaumunthu?"
Mwinamwake mukuganiza bwino, yankho lake ndi losavuta - ndithudi, chikondi, chikhulupiliro, chifundo, chilakolako, kuzindikira kuti sizothandiza, koma amene akusowa komanso amatha kuthandiza anthu ena, kulandira chithandizo. Ndikuganiza chilichonse. Pano mungathe kuwonjezera chitetezo chakuthupi cha banja, thanzi la okwatirana ndipo potsiriza, nthawi zambiri, zokondweretsa zomwe zimakhala pamodzi.
Mu moyo wagawanitsa, gawani chirichonse mu theka: zonse zowawa ndi chisangalalo, chifukwa inu - magawo awiri omwe munthuyo ali odzaza.