Nthawi zina sindikumva ngati ndikudzuka, ndikufuna kugona ndikuwona ndikukumva malotowo. Aliyense wa ife ankalota maloto osakondweretsa, ndipo pambuyo pake ndinalota maloto ndikufuna kudziwa zambiri za maloto osokoneza bongo, ndi zomwe amalota. Ndiye, kodi maloto osokoneza amatanthauzanji?
Akatswiri a zamaganizo amanena kuti maloto okhudzana ndi malingaliro kapena "maloto okhudza chikondi" amalota ngakhale ndi ana, ndipo okalamba timakhala ndi odziwa zambiri, makamaka maloto athu. Ndipo akazi ochokera ku 25 mpaka 40 zakale zolaula akuzindikira. Asayansi amakhulupirira kuti pafupifupi 10% mwa maloto mwa anthu - okonda. Kugona mokwanira kumathera ndi 55% mwa amayi ndi 15% mwa amuna kuyambira zaka 25 mpaka 35.
Ndiye kodi maloto osokoneza amatanthauzanji? Ndipo n'chifukwa chiyani timalota za iwo? Mwinamwake iwo amanyamula zofuna zathu zamkati, kapena sizikutanthauza zilakolako za kugonana, koma chinachake tsiku ndi tsiku. N'zotheka kuti timalota zogonana chifukwa zimakhala malo amodzi m'moyo wathu, ndipo sindikuganiza kuti ziyenera kukanidwa.
Ndipo kodi timapeza zovuta m'maloto? Inde, ngakhale kuti kugonana kwathu kokongola kumakhala kosangalatsa kwambiri kusiyana ndi amuna, koma ndi msinkhu, amuna ambiri akuwona maloto a chikhalidwe chotsutsana. Maloto okhudzana ndi malingaliro nthawi zambiri amalota ndi anthu omwe kwenikweni amaletsedwa kugonana, ndiko kuti, zimasonyeza kuti munthu ali ndi vuto logonana. Asayansi amakhulupirira kuti zolaula zimapezeka ndi anyamata makumi awiri, ndipo mkazi atatha zaka makumi anai, zaka zino zongoganiziridwa kuti ndizo zokhutira kugonana. Kawirikawiri, maloto a chikhalidwe chosasangalatsa saganiziridwa kuti akusokonekera, choncho sayenera kuchita mantha.
Akatswiri opatsirana pogonana apeza mitundu itatu ya maloto ogonana. Woyamba ndi wotseguka, ndiko kuti, munthu amagonana mu maloto, maloto amenewa nthawi zambiri amanyamula zilakolako zakubisa, kodi ukufunanji, koma iwe umanena chiyani.
Mtundu wachiwiri umagululidwa, ubongo umatanthauzira malotowo, kotero zimawoneka ngati maloto osati osokonekera, koma munthu amene akuwona maloto olembedwawo amadziwa zonse mosiyana ndipo zotsatira zake zimakhudza kugonana.
Mtundu wachitatu ndi wamwano, ndiko kuti, maloto okhudzana ndi kugonana kusinthika kapena kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, malotowa samatanthauza kanthu koyipa ndipo sakhala ndi vuto lililonse. Amuna, mwa njira yomwe nthawi zambiri amalota maloto ngati amenewa, pomwe amadziona kuti ndi akazi.
Kugonana ndi chinthu chodabwitsa chimene munthu ogona amatha kugonana ndi mnzake akugona pafupi ndi iye komanso osadzuka. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya kugona, kuphatikizapo maloto osokonekera.
Maloto achiwerewere akhoza kufotokozedwa ngati maloto ena - monga, mwachitsanzo, ngati muwona mwana wakhanda mu loto, ndiye izi ndi zabwino. Zikuoneka kuti Sigmund Freud wapereka chithandizo chochuluka pa nkhani zogonana. Ofufuza za kugonana amapeza kuti maloto amtundu ndi abambo okhudza kugonana amasiyana kwambiri. Pano pali kutanthauzira kwa maloto odabwitsa kwambiri. Kodi mumagonana ndi ndani m'maloto? Ndipo kodi maloto osokoneza amatanthauzanji?
Ngati mukugona ndi chibwenzi kapena mwamuna wamwamuna - amayi ambiri amayamba kuda nkhawa ndi kugonana pa maloto ndi akale awo. Momwemo, izi sizowopsya - mungakhale muli nawo, mwinamwake, mumamverera mwachikondi, kapena mkwiyo. Okhulupirira za kugonana amakhulupirira kuti kugonana ndi wokondedwa wanu poyamba kumabisa zikhumbo zanu zobisika, zomwe zimatuluka kunja. Mofananamo, kugonana ndi mnzanu wa m'kalasi kapena mnzanu wa m'kalasi, omwe simumapuma bwino, zimasonyeza kuti mukufuna ufulu. Ndipo kugonana ndi mnyamata woyipa mnzako kumatanthawuza zofuna zanu zosayembekezereka ndikusintha mu moyo wanu wa kugonana, mwinamwake mukufuna chinachake chatsopano ndi mwachangu, monga kugonana m'malo osadziwika, kapena munthu wosayembekezeka, koma ndikumaliza ndikukulangizani kuti musayese ngati muli nawo mwakhala nawo kale pazokondana.
Ngati mumagonana ndi fano lanu kapena ndi anthu otchuka , mwachitsanzo ndi Mel Gibbson kapena Bruce Willis, ndiye kuti muli ndi zilakolako zachinsinsi zomwe mungafune kuzizindikira, mukufuna kukhala ndi zomwe mulibe kale ndiyeno zomwe mulibe. Kapena simunapeze munthu wanu woyenera, choncho mutengereni ndi olemekezeka abwino mumalingaliro anu. Hmm, ndani amene safuna kugonana ndi Mel Gibbson kapena Richard Gere?
Ngati mumagonana ndi munthu yemwe sali wokondweretsa ndi wonyansa kwa inu - a psychologists amaganiza kuti mukufuna kukhala ndi makhalidwe omwe ali mwa iye, mukufuna kukhala ngati iye, koma mukuganiza kuti izi ndizochepa. Ndipo komabe, ngati mutakhala ndi maloto ngati awa, musawakwiyire, ganizirani za makhalidwe omwe mukufuna kuti mutenge nawo.
Nanga mungatani ngati muli ndi zibwenzi m'maloto, kapena mumagonana ndi mkazi ? Ndikudabwa ngati anthu ambiri angayesere kugonana ndi mkazi wina? Ndi akazi angati omwewo? Osati aliyense adzapeza mwayi pa izi, chifukwa mwa akazi palibe chomwe chimakhala chomwe timagonana ndi mwamuna. Koma tiyeni tibwerere ku maloto, kugonana ndi mkazi ndi maloto kwa mkazi kawirikawiri, ndipo ngati muli ndi maloto otero, amasonyeza kuti mukufuna kukhala ngati iye, kukhala ngati iye. Zimasonyezanso kuti wokondedwa wanu akuyenera kukhala odekha ndikuwonetsanso chikondi ndi chikondi, chifukwa kugonana kwa amayi awiri kumadalira kwambiri chikondi ndi chikondi.
Nthawi zambiri mumaloto, timagonana ndi mlendo. Kawirikawiri maloto amenewa samasiya zolakwika, maloto ngati amenewa amatanthauza kuti watopa ndi moyo wa tsiku ndi tsiku, ndipo umafuna kusintha chinachake m'moyo wako, kuti upeze zina. Choncho, ayese akazi okwera mtengo kuti asinthe chinachake pamoyo wawo, kuwonjezera zina zatsopano pazochitika zanu za tsiku ndi tsiku. Ngati mukugonana ndi munthu yemwe simukumudziwa kumalo a anthu onse m'maloto, kapena ngati mutangotenga nkhaniyi, zikutanthauza kuti mumamwa mowa, chifukwa maloto ngati amenewa amasonyeza nkhawa yanu.
Ngati mumalota kuti mumasula maliseche, zimatanthauza kuti mumadziona kuti ndinu odzichepetsa, yambani kudziyesa nokha. Anthu ena amalota kuti ali m'thupi la amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, amatanthauza chidwi chodziwika, mumangodabwa kuti mnzanuyo amamva bwanji panthawi yogonana.
Pokhala mutagwirizana ndi maloto anu omwe nthawi zina mumakhala nawo, tiyeni tipitirizebe ku zomwe zikuchitika, akatswiri a maganizo a m'maganizo amakhulupirira kuti maloto osokonezeka angathe kulamulidwa. Poyamba, ma yogis okha, amwenye, ndi aborigine okha ndiwo ankachita izi, ndiko kuti, analamula maloto. Pofuna kukonzekera maloto osokonekera, mukufunikira maphunziro ambiri ndipo zimatenga nthawi yochuluka. Osati chowona kuti mudzachipeza icho choyamba kapena chachiwiri, koma mungathe kusankha wokondedwa pazochita zogonana mu maloto.
Ndipo kotero, ngati inu mumakonda lingaliro ili, ndiye yambani kupanga zolinga zoyenera, ndiko kuti, musamamwe tiyi ndi khofi masana, lero likhale losavuta kwathunthu. Imwani madzi ambiri, ndipo musamwe zakumwa zoledzeretsa. Asanagone musamachite masewera olimbitsa thupi ndipo musaganize za chilichonse - yesani kumasuka kwathunthu. Bodza kuti mutu ukhale pansi, ndi bwino kubisa kumbuyo kwako. Palibe phokoso losasokonezeka siliyenera kukusokonezani. Musagone pomwepo, yesani kulingalira momwe zilili, momwe mungakonde kugonana, ndipo chofunika kwambiri ndi amene! Muyenera kuyesa kuti musagone, koma simuyenera kukhala maso, muyenera kumvetsetsa tanthauzo la golidi, ndipo mukhalebe mdzikoli kwa mphindi khumi. Vuto ndi oyambitsa ndilo kuti amatha msanga. Ndipo, pambuyo pa ola limodzi ndi theka pambuyo pokugona, mudzapita komwe munagonana nawo muzomwe mumayankhula, ndipo chofunika kwambiri ndi munthu amene mumamuyimira. Sangalalani maloto anu, akazi anga okondedwa!