Khalani mmodzi - ndipo inu mudzakhala okondwa. Kapena sichoncho? Esitere Perel, katswiri wa maubwenzi omwe ali ndi zaka 30 komanso wolemba buku lakuti "Kubereka mu ukapolo," akufotokozera momwe angakhalire ndi ubale wa nthawi yaitali ndi wokondwa.
Chikondi choyamba chikagwa, awiriwa amakumana ndi mavuto oyambirira: kumvetsa kusamvetsetsana, pali malingaliro ndi zotsutsana, kwinakwake pali chikondi, kudzoza komanso kumverera kwa agulugufe m'mimba. Ambiri amakhulupirira kuti mavutowa ndi chifukwa cha kusowa kwa oyandikana nawo. Komabe, zomwe zinachitikira Estere Perel zimamulola kuti ayankhe mosiyana. Ubwenzi wapamtima ndi ... kwambiri!
Nkhani yachikondi. Chiyambi
Tikamudziŵa munthu, timakondwera ndi fleur ya chinsinsi. Kodi munthuyu ndi wotani? Kodi amakonda ndi kudana ndi chiyani? Kodi amadzuka bwanji m'mawa ndi zomwe zimamuvutitsa usiku? Pang'onopang'ono, ife mochulukira timazindikira munthu ndipo timakhala ndi mphamvu yokhudzana ndi kusakaniza. Koma chinyengo ndi chakuti ngakhale sikuli koopsa komabe: malire enieni sanayambe kusweka. Chifukwa chakuti wokondedwayo akadali "terra incognita" kwa ife - nthaka yosagonjetsedwa - sitingalowe mwakuya malo ake. Ubale sungapangidwe ndi chizoloŵezi ndi nthawi zonse, anthu adakali awiri odziimira okhaokha. Ndipo ndi malo omwe amalola kuti alowe, kuganiza, kusangalala ndi maganizo awo ndikukumana ndi chisangalalo.
Koma nthawi imapita, ndipo aliyense amalowa pang'onopang'ono kudziko lachinsinsi la wina. Maganizo akukalipabebe, koma mukuwopa. Simukufuna kuti ithe. Ndiyeno kufufuza njira zowonjezera chikondi kumakhala kosayembekezeka, kakhazikika, kudalirika kumayambira. Mukusinthanitsa malonjezo anu oyamba ndi malonjezano, kugula pang'ono pokha pokhapokha ufulu waumwini. Ayi, si onse. Inu mumapereka ufulu pang'ono waumwini. Koma m'zaka zambiri zikusowa zambiri. Amagulu amadziwana bwino ndi bwino. Koma kuthawa kumeneku, komwe kunapitiliza miyezi yoyamba ya misonkhano, kumatha. Zinali chifukwa chakuti onse awiri ankamverera kusakayika, chinsinsi, chinsinsi. Tsopano iwo amayandikana kwambiri moti amawagwedeza pa kusowa kwadzidzidzi ndi ufulu wochita. Pafupi ndijambula zonse.
Golidi amatanthawuza
Chikondi chimayendera pa zipilala ziwiri: kukhala wokonzeka kudzipereka, ndiko kuti, panthaŵi yoyenera kulekerera, ndi kudzidalira wina ndi mzake. Kugwera m'chikondi, timafuna kuti tikhale pafupi ndi munthu, kuti tizimva kutentha kwa manja ndi mpweya, kukambirana za chirichonse ndikungosangalala. Ndipo pa nthawi yomweyo, aliyense amafunika malo omasuka. Mmodzi sangathe kukhalapo popanda wina.
Tsegulani, mugawire, mutsegule, mutsegule kwambiri, mukhale oonekera ... Ndipo chotsatira ndi chiyani? Ngati mtunda uli waukulu kwambiri, sikutheka kukhazikitsa kugwirizana kwa maganizo. Ngati mtunda ulibe ndipo abwenziwo akuphatikizidwa mu umodzi, ufulu umatha. Kugwirizana kumeneku kumatenga gawo lawo la umunthu - palibe dziko lina la munthu wina, malo obisika omwe wokondedwa wake akufuna kuti apite. Ndipo popeza awiriwa amakhala chinachake, kugwirizana kumatayika: bwanji kulumikizana ndi kale lonse? Izi zikusonyeza kuti kusagwirizana kotere ndizofunikira komanso zofunikira kwambiri kuti chiyanjano, maganizo, chikondi ndi chibwenzi chikhalepo. Ichi ndicho chododometsa chachikulu chomwe chiri pamtima wa ubale wokondwa.
Chimwemwe chiri
Kugwirizana kwa maubwenzi kulikonse kumaphatikizapo kutenga nawo mbali maphwando awiri. Mwamuna ndi mkazi yekha amatha kulenga munda wawo womwe ukufalikira - munda umene chikondi, chifundo ndi chisangalalo zopanda malire zimayesedwa. Pachifukwa chomwecho, wina sanganene kuti wina ali ndi mlandu wina - mwachitsanzo, kutayika kwa chilakolako choyambirira ndi lawi la moto - onse okwatirana amadzibweretsa okha ku chiyanjano chomwe chimakhudza zotsatira. Azimayi amamva bwino, koma nthawi zina amatanthauzira molakwika, kukana chirichonse chifukwa cha chikondi. Izi ndi zolakwika. Kuponyera mphamvu zonse kuti zikhale zogwirizana, zikuwoneka ngati iye, maubwenzi, wokondedwa wake amakumbukira zonse zomwe amakonda kuchita - samapitanso ku dziwe ("Darling sakonda kusambira!") Ndipo amatulutsa mawu ake ("Bunny yanga ili ndi zozizwitsa pamasitepe!") amakana kukumana ndi abwenzi, ndi ena ndi kusokoneza kulankhulana. Zoyesayesa zonsezi zimayesedwa kuti azigwirizana ndi wokondedwa. Amadabwa bwanji, pamene zonse ziri zosiyana. Chilakolako chake chofuna kukondana naye ndi kusiya chilichonse chingachepetse mtunda ndikuchepetsera chigawo cha chikondi. Kodi chidwi chokhala ndi munthu amene ali wokonzeka kuchita chirichonse, ngati mutakhutira? Chibadwa cha wogonjetsa mwa amuna chimadzutsa 99% mwa milandu. Amalakalaka kukana ndi kukangana. Afuna kuchotsa mkazi uyu kwa munthu wina, osakhala pa siliva.
Chinsinsi cha mabanja osangalala
Ndipo zachikondi, ndi zokhazokha zimamasula mu danga laulere. Mukawona kuti ubale ukukhala wovuta, yesetsani kubwezeretsanso nokha. Simusowa kumanga moyo kuzungulira theka lachiwiri. Kumbukirani kuti mumakonda komwe mukufuna kupita ndi zomwe mungachite. Kuopa kutayika kwa munthu ndikuyesera kubweza chifukwa cha kusowa kwake ufulu sikungayambe kukuthandizani - kotero kuti mutayadi wokondedwa wanu. Kwezani otsika, owonda, koma khoma pakati panu. Osachepera kwa kanthawi. Ndipo mudzazindikira kuti simukuyenera kudzikana nokha kuti mupeze chikondi. Mwayenera kale. Chikondi popanda kutaya ufulu ndi kotheka. Komanso, ndi iye amene amatsimikizira kukhala wachimwemwe ndi wautali. Yesetsani kusunga malo omasuka pakati pa inu ndi mnzanu - ndipo mudabwe ndi zotsatira! Kuchokera pa bukhu "Kubereka mu ukapolo"